Athena Diaries: Tales from the Back of the Pack

My life as an intern: Thursday 13.

2012-01-26T11:46:00.004-07:00

Dear Diary,

I started interning last week at The Place. The Place is an acute psychiatric ward in a hospital. And while I realize that there is always a honeymoon period, so far, I am enjoying myself, although I was shocked to learn that while I am an excellent employee, I do not get paid what I should.

According to my internship supervisor,
I've already filled this position.

13. ...is easier than my real life as a diagnostic assessor.

On my first day at The Place there was a huge chocolate layer cake someone brought in, just because! Well, does there have to be a reason?

Well, that was a fucking omen as far as I was concerned: Clearly, this was my world, and these were my people. And as I am nothing if not a team player, so I had some. Yes. I took some saturated fat and sugar for the team.

12. It turns out that there are companies out there who do not work the shit out of their people, recognizing in a sensible manner that an overworked, unemployed, bitter employee is not good for productivity. The Place asked me if I could do a psychosocial. This is what I do for a living in my non-internship job, so I said, sure. (What I actually do is a comprehensive mental health assessment, which sometimes includes IQ testing, and always involves a diagnosis and a detailed treatment plan.) So I looked at their template...

Woah. ...wait a minute. "where do I record the mental status exam?"

Oh, the nurse does those.

"what about the diagnosis?"

The psychiatrist does that.

"and the treatment plan?"

OMG I totally want this cup.
When I'm no longer an intern, that is.

The treatment team does that.

So, I did the rest. Normally, all that stuff takes me nearly 90 minutes. My part was done in 45 minutes. And then..."where do I type this up?

You don't. You dictate it.

Yes, they are very nice to me at my regular job. They tell me all the time how awesome I am. But. they have been adding to my job continually over the past year, with no comenserate raise in pay.

And I cannot bid "awesome" on a NWT Striped White House Black Market sweater.

11. My internship supervisor, meanwhile, told me that so far, they love me. And, it was suggested that a part time position was openIng up soon. So yeah, I told them, I am interested. Why not get paid for interning? Take that, VA. Did I mention that it is my hope that I get a job with this organization? They are a good employer, ten minutes from my house, and I love psychiatric work. Mmboy, I lurves me some crazy.

Oh, and as an aside: it would be about a 50% raise in pay. After all, I can't bid "nice" for a pair of Kenneth Cole, size 8.5, NIB

10. By and large the most popular thing I have done at The Place has been to give fellow clinicians a link to this video:

9. Well, I have to work off that chocolate cake somehow, so I've started doing heart zone training on the treadmill. I run, and watch Law and Order SVU reruns with closed captioning, which somehow magically, unbelievably, combines my favorite pastimes: getting skinny, and watching TV. It occurrs to me that this is a good use of an otherwise untenable situation: it may be dark when I leave and when I come home, but there is aways the treadmill. And TV DON'T EVER PAY ATTENTION TO PEOPLE WHO TELL YOU TO KILL YOUR TV. THEY'RE FASCISTS. And Murder Mysteries.

8. I just cannot get used to being the size I am now. I ordered some dress slacks, and when they arrived, I held them up and muttered to myself, "there is no way these are going to fit my fat ass." but they did. They fit my fat ass. I flirted with the idea that they've changed the sizing now, and that's why I wear an 8, but am really what used to be a 16--the size I wore when I started all this. Then I accepted that would be way too vast a conspiracy, even for me.

7. So, but, back to heart zone training: My max heart rate is either 177, or 180, or 182, depending on the source. There is apparently a way to find out definitely the value that approaches your max heart rate which WARNING GEEK REFERENCES AHEAD much like infinity, is only approachable. Because according to the theory, if I went one beat over my max heart rate, my heart becomes a singularity that collapses in on itself, much like Vulcan after red matter hit the core.

See? math, Star Trek, and heart rate zones all in one reference.

6. Now, there is apparently a more exact way to determine my max heart rate, as I mentioned, but it involves sprinting up hills repeatedly. I had to weigh my need for precision against the fact that I. Am Lazy. Guess what won? Hmm. Let's see: I could sprint up hills repeatedly, or subtract a number from another number.

5. The Place has a cafeteria. I lOVE cafeteria food. Bland, lukewarm, food. It's my weakness, this willingness to eat anything. And it's why I run.

4. Meanwhile, I have made the following observations about acute inpatient with Adults v. Child and Adolescents. First, it's quieter with the grownups. Second, for the most part--and need I say it-- NO CRAZY PARENTS.
I like working with adults. I didn't think I'd like it, but I do.

Few people think they are the cause
of their own circumstances.

3. But, one thing that is hard to at get used to at The Place is the medical model. I am used to having huge responsiblities regarding diagnostics. It's an interesting adjustment, switching to working on a discharge plan, and less stressful. What services are there for him? Where will he live? How will he get his medications? I get to advocate for the patient from a place of compassion and expertise.

2. When I meet with people who have severe and persistent mental illnesses, especially women who are my age. I look at them, and I can kind of see a little bit of the person they might have been...that is, before the abuse, before their first psychotic break, before the huffing turned their neurons into a gray pudding.

I am so sad for that lost girl who probably dreamed of growing up and being a nurse, or a lawyer or something--instead, she's living in a trailer with no heat, water, or electricity because she is too traumatized to get out of her own way.

1. Another observation: in the field of mental health, there is crazy, and then there is ku-ray-zee. (It's not that I lack compassion). But there's always those moments, like when the patient points out a mistake in his file:

After two years of stellar service
I am giving you a 2% raise!
NOW KNEEL BEFORE ME!

I didn't say I was POSESSED by demons. I said I was OPPRESSED by demons.

How is one oppressed by demons? Do they pay you a minimum wage on salary and work the shit put of you until you find out that another person doing a similar job under better condtions is making twice as much? And all the while telling you how AWESOME YOU ARE?

Well in that case, I'm oppressed by demons too.
...

How NOT to run. A Very late Thursday 13.

2012-01-20T20:36:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

Somehow or other this post was deleted. I don't know why. I apologize if it doesn't match up with the comments that were made before it got deleted.

Anyway. Here's how not to run. Or at least, how I don't run. Follow along.

13. The first thing I'll do is get up, yes, get up and put on my injinjs. I'll also put on my favorite pink fuzzy robe because FUCK it's cold this morning. Then--wait--i need to feed the critters so I'll shlep into the kitchen in my fuzzy robe and black/rainbow stripe injinjis, sex goddess that I am, and pour out cat food.
And dog food.
And then let the dog out for a bit.
Then give the blind kitteh some canned food, because I feel sorry for her because she's little AND cute AND she can't see, and those other cats, well, they can have dry food because they can see and aren't as cutely pathetic.

12.Then wait for her to be done and squeak at me so I can let her down. Meanwhile, well I really should, make some coffee...oh, and Baboo's lunch, too. That counter is a bit dirty...Ill just wipe that off.

11.And then I forgot to take my medicine. Oh, and wait, let the dog back in. Hmm. That door knob seems loose. i'll jist go out to the garage--FUCK-- its cold out here. I'll get a screw driver off baboo's workbench and just tighten that up, and hey, while I'm at it, I bet other doors could be tightened up, too.

10. Right next to where the screw drivers are kept is some dry spackle. Oo, i should really fill in those nailholes.
OKAY, FOCUS!!

9. I'll need my running shoes, and wow, my workout clothes closet is really messy. I'll just rearrange things thusly....there.

8. Now. Where was I? Oh, the running. I need my tights. It's cold out. I think they're...yes, here they are, under this shirt. Ew. Time to wash performance wear...

7. I should make coffee. Geez, there's a lot of coffee grounds in there. Those need to go out to the compost pile.

6. Wait...can't run on an empty stomach.

5. And, can't run on a full stomach either. (i get crampy)

4. While I'm waiting, might as well start a crock pot for tonight's dinner.

3. Geez it looks crowded out in those hills. Lots of dogs off leashes because, for some reason locals choose to ignore the leash law signs and treat the foothills like their very own dog park.

2. And look at all those mountain bikers!

Gosh, it's just too late to run now.

1. Tomorrow, yes, tomorrow. I'll definitely run then.

...

Winter started too early: 13 things I'm sick of*

2012-01-12T20:05:00.000-07:00

*Note to Jennie: of which I have tired.

Dear Diary,

This has been a bad year, weather-wise. The summer was long and hot and everything was on fire. Fall was about 5 minutes long. The weather has been unusually cold since early December. I am ready for some warmer weather. The good news is, I finally got all my miles last week, which was a training week.

Also, i've switched to Spark People. I like their apps.

Here are 13 things I am beginning the hate about winter:

13. My dog is inside a lot because it's so cold out. She licks her privates for 20 minutes at a time. It goes on, and on....and on. She curls up next to me for maximum volume and effect, and slurps away. Ew.

12. i hate that it's cold and dark whenever I want to run.

11. I have to say that all pets get old in the winter. I wear a lot of black, so, well, you know, I can't sit down anywhere in my house in my work clothes. And there's Lily. I adopted her from the Tuscaloosa shelter at four months old, and she'd already been returned once for being too noisy. She was nowhere as noisy as she is now. Her desperate bid for attention begins the moment my feet hit the floor, even if it's. 2 am pee. If I shut the door, she hurls herself against it, wailing, as it shakes in its frame.

I'm not a mean person. But. I have blasted her once or twice with a squirt bottle. It doesn't work. She just moves out of range, and continues her cacauphony.

10. I miss running outside at dawn and working up a good sweat, then sitting on a chair outside drinking tea in the cool (not frigid) morning to cool off. Sitting outside by the goldfish pond in the rising sun with Baboo is one of my favorite things about summer.

9. I miss my open-toed shoes.

8. Crisp cold sheets. Theyre awesome in the summer. In the winter, they suck, suck, suck

7. I am tired of people showing up 20, 30, and yes even 40 minutes late and acting surprised when I tell them I am rescheduling them. I get that it's cold. I happen to live in the part of Albuquerque that gets the most wind and the most snow, so suck it up and give yourself time to get here. It's not the Dakotas; it's the desert for Chrissake.

6. I'm sick of oatmeal and warm coffee.

5. I miss grilling.

4. I hate driving home from work in the dark.

3. in the words of Daniel Tosh, ”I love seasons...that's why I live in a place that skips the shitty ones." This past year, we seem to have skipped the good ones.

2. Yes, it's cold enough for me. Shut up and ask me about politics or something

And the number one thing I'm sick of:

1. Three words: Cold. ~~Toilet. Seats~~. Bathroom. Floors.

...

Science Sunday: Why I'm a damned dirty hippie. Sort of.

2012-01-08T08:40:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

I am a huge nerd. I always ask "why?" My undergraduate degrees are a compsite of two years each of biology, chemistry, and physics, with lots of geology thrown in. So, I google the shit outmof everthing. I figured what I learned would be useful for somebody, somewhere.

I've started making and eating seitan again, because it's cheap, and it's lean. Seitan, especially ground, is unrecognizable in most recipes except meat loaf (still developing that one) and hamburgers (it doesn't stick together). Today, I used it in lasagna and chili. It's a lot like Morningstar Farms crumbles, but way cheaper, and MS has soy, which I can't eat.

In showing you why I use seitan in place of ground beef, I will also show you two phone apps that show the calorie counts of food. PS. seitan is made from gluten flour, so if you're gluten intolerant, well...sorry.

Here's why I started making it again.

1. It's cheap, and so am I.

I buy my vital wheat gluten here. I never, ever buy it in stores. THAT gluten is marketed to hippies with bread machines, and its way too much $$. Seitan, when properly made, quadruples the weight of the flour. So, a pound of seitan flour = four pounds of ground seitan. For around $3.50. Plus, there's waste when you cook ground meat. All those drippings. Except in Alabama, where I'm from, where they give drippings as gifts JUST KIDDING ALABAMA DON'T COME AFTER ME.

2. It's a lean source of protein with no saturated fat.

Things you should know: first that % of fat on the front of the ground turkey or ground beef package doesn't work the way you think it will.

Now the sciencey parts. Things you should know:

1. The fat is meat is nearly all saturated fat. The fat in wheat is not.

2. The label that says that my super lean 1% or 3% ground turkey refers to the weight. However, a gram of fat is about 9 calories, and a gram of protein or carbs is about 5. I don't know about you, but I like to spend my calories wisely.

Here is a nutrition labels from Calorie Count app showing ground turkey. I didn't turn them around because remember, I. Am Lazy. I usually buy 97% lean.

Calorie Count is clumsy (more for iphones than ipads) and it makes you log in.

But, it has those nice little pie charts, and it has a search feature.

See the little pie charts? They tell you the percentage of calories are from fat. Even the 1% ground turkey is still 1/8 fat. That's because meat is muscle, and muscle is protein + fat. You really can't get 100% lean mean without some serious chemical engineering.

Just for fun, here's a label from regular ground beef.

Calorie King has the best database, a nicer interface, doesn't make you log in.
It doesn't have a search feature. I don't need the search feature or the pie chart, so I'll use it.

This is from 70/30 ground beef (70% "lean") Now multiply with me. And divide. A gram of fat is 9 calories, so 15 grams of fat is 105 calories. That means that this ground beef is nearly half fat.

Now, about Seitan.

2 ounces of seitan, an egg-sized piece, or a quarter cup of it ground, is less than 50 calories, nearly every single bit of it lean protein.

I use that amount because that's about how much you'd put on a sloppy joe, or a taco. That's about a third of the calories of lean cooked ground beef. I found a recipe for making it in the pressure cooker. I make the cutlets, and then grind them in my little handy chopper.
For Christmakwanzakah, I got an electric pressure cooker. I LOVE this thing. But anyway.

So I'm not going back to all veggie. In fact, Saturday night is grilling night, and grilled Quorn just isn't the same as a nice juicy chicken breast or steak. But I'm dialing down the amount of meat we're eating, to get my bang for my nutritional buck. If I'm going to eat calories, I want them to be good, healthy calories.

Next week: Why I'm a Whole Wheat fascist.

...

2011: The Year in Bling.

2011-12-31T17:40:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

It behooves me to assure you that Sweet Baboo does, in fact, run roughly twice as many miles as I do in any given week.

As I recap my year (and idea I stole from SuperKate) I want to find some balance...so, I will write about my accomplishment and the food I ate afterwards. That way you won't think I am some sort of health nut.

Finishing the Ghost Town 38.5

13. I kicked off the year when I ran the Ghost Town 38.5, which I finished faster than last year. Then I ate a foot long Subway Albuquerque Turkey.

RR 50 miler medal

12. February, i completed the Rocky racoon 5
0-miler. My goal was to do it in less time then the last time I did it, when I walked the whole thing in 18 hours. I finished it a hair under 12 hours. Then I ate lots of Popeyes fried chicken and potatoes.

Run Through Time Marathon: Colorado.

...but the shirt was nice.

11. March, for my birthday, I ran the Run Through Time trail marathon in Colorado, which made me swear Like a sailor and hate Colorado. For a little while. Afterwards, we had steaks.

I also ran the Green Dress Run, in March, a 4 mike trail run. I can't remember what I ate afterwards, but I know I ran there and then back home, adding another 4 miles.

10. In April, I ran the Albuquerque half marathon. The last weekend of April and the first weekend in May, two consecutive weekends, I ran the Nashville Country Music Marathon, the Flying Pig Marathon, the Wisconsin Marathon, and the Kalamazoo Marathon. I PR'd at the Wisconsin marathon, which was cool, flat, and sea level, 4:47. I did this to see if I could, and to earn two imaginary stars next to my name on my marathon maniac's page. After each of these, I ate a lot but they were such whirlwind weekends I can't remember what. I also earned 4 more states toward my goal of running a marathon or longer distance in every state.

Jemez 50K award

9. Also in May, I completed the Billy the Kid sprint triathlon, and the Jemez 50k, which is the first 50k I had DNF'ed, in 2010. Good thing, too: the mountains of Jemez caught on fire this summer, stayed on a fire for a while, and are pretty much off my radar for running for the next few years. I also placed 2nd in my age division at the tiny Acoma Seed run, an 8 mile run through Acoma Pueblo territory, for which the placing prizes are Native American pottery.

Acoma Seed Run Prize

Big Horn 27 miles. I'm keeping
the socks, and wearing them.

8. In June, I began the 50 miler at Big Horn, and had to stop at miles 27 for being 10 minutes behind a cutoff. After the race, while waiting for himself to finish the 100 miler, I ate a bratwurst, cheeseburger, and slaw. I'm keeping the t-shirt. Also that month, the Cherry Garcia 10k. Afterwards, I ate ice cream and pizza.

7. July, I ran the Chunky Monkey 10k. This, along with the Cherry Garcia run the month before, was held in the early evening, when it was about 95 degrees. Afterwards, I ate ice cream, sweet breads, and pizza.

6. August, I ran the La Luz trail run, a 9 miles race that begins around 6000 feet above sea level and finishes at 10,800 at Sandia Peak. I met my goal of coming in under 3 hours. I had green chile stew, a burrito, and other fine New Mexican fare.

Flying Pig Marathon:
The Finish Swine.

5. In August, I had the pleasure of walking the last half mile, along with several friends, of my good friend Mark's first hundred miler at Leadville. During the summer I gained 5 more pounds because I just ate, and ate, and ate and stopped tracking my food.

4. In September, I crewed himself at the Wasatch 100 miler. I also

The ankle that cost me Washington.

completed the Bear Chase 50k and the Dam-to-Dam 10k.

Stupid ankle.
Stupid photographer.

3. In October, I twisted my ankle at the Defiance 50k and had to drop at mile
20. I'm keeping the vest. I had to skip the Duke City marathon, to be safe, but ran the Pumpkin Chase 10k, getting a new 10k PR. Afterwards, I had steak and eggs.

SA Marathon

2. November, I ran the San Antonio Rock and Roll marathon. Afterwards, I had two separate meals at the San Antonio and Dallas Love Field airports, respectively. I had cheese, salmon, and wine; and cheese fries. It should be no surprise that during the fall I gained 5 more pounds. I ran the 4 mile Thanksgiving Day run at the end of the month.

Holiday Lights on the Riverwalk, San Antonio.

1. December, I didn't do any more races. But I made a resolve not to drink any more. I just got to drinking way too much. I also started tracking my food again and watching my portion sizes. I lost four pounds.

-----————

Predictions and plans for 2012 (warning: unreasonable optimism ahead)

I will be completing 7 months of internship in the acute psychiatric ward of a local hospital, two days a week. I am currently working out how my training plan will work around that. I plan to run as many of the local 10ks and half marathons as 8 can.

I will be below 150 by March.

I will complete the Shiprock Marathon in May.

I will complete the Vermont 100k in June.

I will enter the lottery for La Luz again, and they will pick me.

I will receive my third AND FINAL master's degree in August, and then receive my LMSW, giving me more dtoletters after my name than Baboo has. buwahahaha.

I will be crewing for himself at Western States, Leadville, and Wasatch 100-milers, respectively. Very interested in company, if anyone wants to eat high sodium, fatty foods and be sleepless and hollow-eyed for 24 hours....hint hint...

I will be below 145 by the end of August.

I will be offered a fabulous, better-paying job closer to my house.

I will get two dental implants beforre the end of the year.

I will complete my first hundred miler at the Javalina Jundred in October.

I will on my marathon and 10k times, under 4:45 and 1 hour, respectively.

My daughter will finish job corps and start a newer, more stable life.

My youngest son will finish his first year of college and get a decent job while he finishes the rest.

I will be below 140 by the end of the year.

My hair will turn blonde, all by itself, and stay that way, without any need for chemicals.

Even though I didn't finish all 30 miles in washington, I ate. This is
redvelvet cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory.

This is a shrimp club sandwich and sweet potato fries at the Cheesecake
Factory, the best sandwich I ever had in my whole life.

My legs will become naturally hair-free.

And my eyes will sparkle.

My breath will become naturally sweet, even first thing in the morning after I've drunk cocoa before bed.

And I, I will be completely and perfectly self actualized.

All right, fates. Time to get moving.

2011: The Year in Bling.

I like fancy french cookware, and you should too. Thursday 13.

2011-12-30T18:09:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

13. I don't know if I've ever written about this before, but I have this whole, late 50s/early 60s thing going on in my kitchen. I've been buying things that are aqua- and jadite-colored. All thanks to Ebay.

12. When I posted that snarky comment about having half a dozen readers last week i was horrified later to realize that it may have been seen as a thinly veiled beg for comments. That was never my intention. But I appreciate the comments, nonetheless. I was especially horrified to realize that Jennie reads this, beaing as she is a published writer, teaches college writing, and probably in a lot of pain due to all my typos.

In my defense, Jennie, this is all written from an iPad. I haven't quite gotten the hang of it yet.

11. Little blind kitty is 100% kitteh, with or without the eyes. She gets the morning crazies, flips around turns somersaults, chases her tail, etc. She has gotten into the habit of swatting my face when I talk.

Last Friday, I was lying in bed, talking to baboo, when I happened to notice her at the end of the bed, crouched, pointed in my direction, her little butt wiggling as she prepared for attack.

"Surely," i thought, "she's not about to--" and at that instant, she launched herself the length of the bed, claws unsheathed, toward my face.

Luckily, I deflected her off to the side, thanks to the single semester of Tai Kwan Do I had in college. Wax on, wax off. NOW DON'T YELL AT ME I WASN'T TRYING TO HURT HER IT WAS INSTINCTUAL.

She shook her head for a moment, dazed, and headed over to chew on Baboo's ankles while he shaved.

10. Friday morning, after 'attack of the kitteh' subsided, i ventured forth. I love the weeks of Christmakwanzakah. There is so much room on the freeway I pretty much had it to myself.

I went down to the juvenile detention center. I feel awkward being there during the holidays. I have to do something called a mental status exam, and ask someone how they're feeling, what's your mood? And, I mean, how are they supposed to respond? They wanted to be adults. They tried to be tough, and then the cold reality slaps them in the face: it's Christmas, they're kids, and they're in jail. My mood is low, thank you very much.

9. Sweet Baboo and have taken to staying in bed late on weekends during this unusually cold December. This is bad because we get to running late, if at all. Joining us are the three cats, perched strategically at points on the bed so that none of them are too close to one another (they don't get along).

The trouble is that there's lots to do in bed these days other than, well, the obvious. While Baboo was away at OBC, i put in Apple TV, and bought him a harmony remote control for everything.

So now we just watch netflix, or listen to music from The Cloud. We also have cable, and wi-fi, so...I am beginning to understand while greater and greater proportions of Americans are becoming obese. And why adult footed pajamas are being sold on TV.

8. Eventually, though Sweet says in his own, mild manner: were you planning on runnung today? And as I am sitting in bed in running clothes, I have to admit that, yes, that was the plan.

7. Ok, i will come clean and admit that I was nearly 10 miles under my planned running last week. I blame procrastination. And laziness. And the diarrheah I got this weekend during which I said, oh yeah, that,s why I can't eat corn.

6. So far for this week, I am on track. But I have lost so much base. New Year's Day, we are having a 50K Fatass that we have so far termed, Kelly's Fat Ass because of the person that organized it. NOT because she has a fat ass. Just because she organized it. It'll be interesting to see how much base I have left.

5. The New Mexico Board of licensing git it together and said yes, you have spent at least 2000 hours face to face with clients, we will give you an LPCC lisense. If I pass a test by 7/2012, I get to keep it.

4. Here is another reason to hate me. Himself, the Baboo did all his Christmas shopping for me at Williams-Sonoma. I've gotten more interested in cooking in the past few years, and now I have very cool stuff to do it with. II have silicone tools and enameled cast iron. Like many of the things Baboo has gotten me, they are things I wouldn't have gotten for myself because in addition to the fact that I. Am Lazy. Comes the fact that I. Am Cheap.

I am loathe to spend lots of moneu on myself. I am always looking for the cheaper, faster way to get things done, even given my own level of vanity. For instance, I just bought an epilator, which I will be reporting on, soon. But fancy French cookware, well, that's the kind of stuff that Baboo buys. For me. I got him a new GoPro Hero.

3. My envisioned future of accidentally stepping on a small blind cat has come true. I spend a lot of time staring at the floor as I walk through the house.

2. Okay, I am just going say it. I hate foreign movies. Nothing fills me with more bitterness than picking an interesting movie through Netflix and hearing the somber overtones of the backstory in Finnish or some other language.
I'm an uncultured boob, I know. But at least I know myself. If I wanted to read, I'd buy a book.

Part of the exercise room.

1. This week I was feeling a little burned out on work. Maybe it was the sneering teenager gang banger who was trying to avoid jail by telling me he felt depressed.

Maybe it was the 2% raise I got, the first raise I've gotten after two years of service which, given that the cost of living rises around 3% each year, is essentially a pay cut from an already abysmal salary. This after giving me a stellar annual review. 2% is the maximum amount you can get.

Maybe it was my "Christmas bonus," which was one of those huge coupon books they use to force me to get my students to sell when I was a teacher. Eventually, even the most interesting jobs get old if you feel like you're not valued, and are paid the same as a first year school teacher despite having three masters degrees in your field.

Yup. 2012 will be the year of moving on.

...

Just imagine there are pictures: thursday 13

2011-12-20T14:57:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

The wind is blowing like crazy outside and I am curled up under a quilt with Sweet Baboo, three cats, and Tom Waits keeping me warm. Getting up to put the promised pictures of the exercise room profiles of runs, and such, would involve leaving this all behind. Sooooo...placeholders for now.

don't you know there's no devil; it's God when he's drunk?

13. Friday, two mothers and their respective children showed up at 3 pm, each claiming a 3:00 appointment. Unfortunately, they were both correct: someone had double booked me. I saw one at 3, and the other graciously agreed to wait until 4.

Lunch had been Lean Gourmet Swedish Meatballs, and the package of Trader Joes Peanut Butter Goodies cookies that my Secret santa left in my inbox. Urp. I started eating Lean Gourmet because it's all I really have time for, and at the BX, it's about 80 cents. NO, i do not want to know how high in sodium it is, or that there is a list of ingredients with chemical names longer than Moby Dick.

It's food. It's cheap, it's portion-controlled, and it's pallatable.

12. Saturday, I ran about 4 miles on the trail. My legs felt heavy, which was attributed to the lunges and squats I had done during the previous week. Then, i went to a holiday party with the people who work with Baboo.

Each year I make the same potlock meal: curried yams, and brown rice. It's vegetarian, it's yummy, and it's wildly popular. I take home an empty dish. But here's the thing: only Sweet Baboo's coworkers, psychologists, eat it. My fellow counselors or social workers don't touch it. Ever. What's up with that?

11. Sunday, I did 14 miles of a planned 50K FatAss that will be held on New Year's Day. Here is the profile:

*placeholder for missing run profile here*

10. Monday, Lunch was Lean Gourmet flatbread. It wasn't bad. It was the size of my hand. I recognize that this is a normal portion. Also on monday, I found out that the kid whol told me Friday I'm not fucking going upstairs with you for an assessment was hospitalized over the weekend. I told her so.

9. Also on Monday, it snowed. Again. We have had an unprecedented amount of snow so far this winter. Right now, as I'm typing this, the wind is howling and more snow is coming down, and they have closed I40.

Now, New Mexico I thought we had a deal: you give me moderate, sunny winters, and I look the other way regarding the whole dust thing. What happened?

*placeholder for snow pictures here*

8. Tuesday, I went to a local hospital's psych ward to see a kid that had tried to escape. He went over the wall around the facility the day before carrying, of all things, his lunch box.

Also on Tuesday, I couldn't find my car keys. Anywhere. I finally went outside to see if I left them in the car, and behold: they were there.

In the ignition.

With the car running.

Yes, that's right. I parked my car at noon, got out, leaving my car running in the parking lot for four hours. In th parking lot of a mental hospital. Have you ever done anything so stupid? I say you have not.

Tuesday's lunch was Santa Fe Beans and Rice (Lean Cuisine).

7. By the way: Lollicup.com Sugar-free flavoring syrups for coffee. I'm just sayin'. It's the secret to me being a morning person.

6. Wednesday, the lunch of the day was shrimp scampi from Lean Gourmet. That night, we ate with folks from my the office at a local steakhouse, and the starters menu had calorie counts after each choice. It. Was. Horrifying. Few starters were under 1000 calories. I wound up having a 6 ounce fillet with sweet potato fries, and steamed brocolli. I was very proud of myself.

5, Most of the people I work with are in their mid-twenties. It was an interesting evening. I found out things that I never knew about my coworkers. Like, nearly all of them are half my age.

4. Also wednesday, i had to caution an adult who wouldn't shut up and let me ask about their kid. It was all, me, me, me. I get that people with disordered kids are grateful to find anyone who will listen to them but I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD. I DO NEED TO HEAR ABOUT THE VOICES IN JUNIOR's HEAD.

3. Also on Wednesday, I made the following law, called GeekGirl's law no. 5150:

if you name your kid Chaos, don't complain to me about his behavior.

Ever.

Also, Greek Goddesses. I'm just sayin'. Greek mythology is a soap opera, so you're asking for trouble by naming your kid after one of the principle players.

Unless you're Greek, and then it's okay.

2. Also on wednesday, i discovered that 1) all seasons of 'Bones' are on Netlix, and 2) apple tv has closed captioning. Thus, my new winter running is in place, in my new exercise room. Bliss!!!

Pictures:

*placeholder for missing exercise room pictures here*

1. Okay. Here it is, my 50-mile running plan. I hope this formats right. I used to code in HTML and am perfectly capable of creating a table, but why do that when I can copy and paste from Numbers?

Recall: I. Am Lazy.

Week of: Week. M. T. W. Th. F. S. Su. Total

Dec 5, 2011 1 0 2 2 2 0 8 6 20

Dec 12, 2011 2 0 2 2 4 0 10 6 24

Dec 19, 2011 3 0 2 2 4 0 12 8 28

Dec 26, 2011 4 0 2 4 6 0 14 8 34

Jan 6, 2012 5 0 4 4 6 0 16 10 40

Jan 13, 2012 6 0 4 6 6 0 18 10 44

Jan 20, 2012 7 0 4 6 8 0 20 10 48

Jan 27, 2012 8 4 8 6 0 0 10 8 36

Feb 6, 2012 9 4 8 8 0 0 22 10 52

Feb 13, 2012 10 0 4 10 8 0 22 10 54

Feb 20, 2012 11 0 4 10 8 0 24 10 56

Feb 27, 2012 12 0 4 10 6 0 10 8 38

Mar 5, 2012 13 0 4 12 8 0 0 31 55

Mar 12, 2012 14 0 4 12 8 0 24 10 58

Mar 19, 2012 15 0 4 12 8 0 26 10 60

Mar 26, 2012 16 0 4 10 8 0 16 10 48

Mar 5, 2012 17 0 4 6 6 0 10 6 32

Mar 12, 2012 18 4 3 2 0 0 50 59

Each week I will post that week's running plan and the actual mileage, making me direrctly accountable to the half dozen people who still read this blog :-/

Last week, i was 2 miles short on my training plan. This week, i was 2.3 miles short.

The week day runs are all treadmill. The weekend runs are all on the hilly trails behind our house.

Ta-daaaaa!

...

Difficult weeks are difficult: a Very Special Thursday 13.

2011-12-17T09:32:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

I am four days late, so I'm adding four extras.

13. Fresh on the heels of saying I won't be traveling much this next year, Sweet Baboo's name was picked in the lottery for the Western States 100-miler. Himself told me some time back that if he was ever picked he would attemp the Grand Slam. In ultrarunning the Grand Slam is Vermont, Leadville, Western States, and Wasatch.

12. Vermont is a state I don't have in my Marathon+ distance medal collection. It turns out that at the same time as the Vermon 100-miler is the Vermont 100k. So--you guessed it--I'm now registered for the fun run.

11. Both himsef and I have obtained apps to track our points. We will be following training plans modified from the Training Plan generator at the Santa Clarita runners club website. We will also be incorporating a high degree of strength training. I will be using Power 90 and eventually P90x. Not sure what Himself is using.

10. I started watching "Breaking Bad" on streaming Netflix. Which, by the way, is DA BOMB. Netflix is. It was jarring to see the high school where I used to teach featured in a movie. Oh, and that credit union in the first episode? That's the Rio Rancho library.

The first few episodes, I told Himself, I'm not sure what is worse about this guy's life...his new circumstances, his cancer, or the fact that he drives an Aztec.

9. Back in black. When I went running Sunday for my first "long" run since the San Antonio marathon, I was pretty fearful. I took off most of November from training. I was a sloth (although, I was a pretty sloth with nice skin and nails.) I am fortunate to live in a nice part of town where I can run on a paved path that is almost completely protected from car traffic, or on the dirt next to that, or through some pretty quiet neighborhoods, or up into the foothills of the Sandia Mountains. All of these options imvolve hills. I figured I would suffer. Instead, I had a great 11 miles of running, including some hill running that I didn't know I had in me.

8. Mundane story from my life. On my run on Sunday I came upon a guy standing by a pickup full of chopped and split cedar, with a wife and two young children inside. This is a common sight near where we live...they pull far off the road and sell wood. Once a year year, we buy a truckload. I stopped and talked money, and then called Sweet Baboo, and told him where the guy was parked. Baboo advised that he would head for the ATM and then meet the guy and lead the truck to our house. I told the guy to hold out for about 20 minutes and then took off running through a neighbood, still bearing north.

While I was crusing, Albuquerque's finest men in blue showed up to chase this young family away and THANK GOD THE POLICE ARE KEEPING US SAFE FROM GUYS SUPPORTING THEIR FAMILIES HONESTLY but somehow, he still managed to track me down.

7. What makes this worthy of a post is this: "tracking me down" involved getting my attention as I was running along the trail that runs next to the boulevard. Then he pulled over, and chased me on foot, up a street into a neighborhood. I don't respond to whistles, ever, and couldn't hear him yelling since I had my headphones on. Kind of a funny story. Or not. Anyway, that type of persistance definitely deserves rewarding, so I hopped in the pickup along with the wife and babies and steered him to our house. We got our our wood, and he got his money. Win, win.

6. When we went out later, we saw a mass of flashing lights down the road. Guess they found some more guys selling wood to save us from SWARM! SWARM! SWARM!

5. I have a secret santa thing at work. The person whose name I chose likes 49ers, kit kat bars, strawberry mint gum, and skulls. Skulls? Where the hell do you buy holiday skulls?

4. This weekend, I put on 18 trail miles. They hurt. I have lost a lot of base. I have to get that back. It was cold out there.

3. And then Monday, it snowed again. For the third Monday in a row. Goddamn it. I moved to the desert for a reason. Cut that shit out.

2. Did I say Netflix is the bomb? I did. Well, it is. We watched all the "Breaking Bad" episodes. Now we're working on "Parks and Recreation".

1. Blind kitty has turned into a slightly less cute and slightly more feral moving cactus. On the advice of Dread Pirate, aka "the cat lady" (who is saved, albeit just barely, from the label "crazy cat lady" by the unfortunate loss of her fourth kitty last month) i just wrap the little blind bastard up in a towel and make a little kitten burrito when I have to do eye drops. Yes, she's adorable. Yes, she makes holes on my hands. But then she climbs up on me, purring, and slumps against me, a limp, liquid purring wad of cute.

0. I am lazy, lazy. I would have published this Thursday, because I normally do that at work. Then a transformer next to my office building blew. I'm told it was spactacular and I am SO PISSED that I missed it. i heard it, though. A loud hum/roar and then...nothing. No lights, no phone, nothing. Oh, did I mention that the door locks in our facility are electric? Um, yeah. Luckily, only one kid made a run for it. Now, all employees in our facility are hands off the kids unless a kid is a danger to self or others, and then they arer specially trined in safe, non-injurious restraint. Running toward a busy street qualifies as danger to self, soooo, 6 point restraint, on the ground, in the front, the kid is screaming, GETTHEFUCKOFFMEIMCALLINGTHCOPS!!AAAAAHHHHHHGGGG!!GETTHRFUCKOFFME!!!!

oh, and by the way, this is a generally residential neighborhood, with curious onlookers walking by. While adults hold a kid down and, eventually, the kid gets a shot in the ass by a nurse.

-1. The next day, we had no internet. Al day.

-2. I am fat, fat, fat. I need to swallow a balloon or something.

-3. I have the winter exercise room of my dreams, thanks to Sweet Baboo, who spoils me rotten. Flat screen, mounted on the wall, the treadmill, a nIce thick rug, and it's nearly empty otherwise. There is a computer attached to the flat screen and it has my Esther E. yoga vidoes, as well as my Power 90 and p90x videos on it. There's also apple tv in there. Yeah. I'd hate me too. But remember, can't have him. He's taken. Did I mention the upper body work he's doing? Hubba, hubba. Pictures soon. Of the room.

...

Vanity and ultrarunning are not mutually exclusive. At least not to me: Thursday 13.

2011-12-08T22:15:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

13. I truly, truly, truly believe that I may commit some sort of violent crime if I have to watch any more of thise Aflak commercials with the pidgeon in them. Major medical, Booyyzzzzzz.

12. I have basically been off training since the San Antonio marathon and, oh, by the way, people love telling me about the guy that died during the half marathon. Non runners are almost gleeful about that.

Which leads me to make the following observation: In any group of more than 20,000 people doing anything, one of them is likely to die. It's statistics

11. I had my hair done last week. I used a groupon. Meh. Not so thrilled about the results. It's kind of brassy. Jim, oh Jim, (my usual hairdresser) I will never stray again, I promise. Not even for a groupon. i like the cut, though. I pretty much get the same cut now. I have a picture of the cut I want on my ipad, and I just flash it to my hairdresser(s) and say, "that's the cut." Apparently it's an easy cut, because it turns out the same way each time.

10. Saturday, I got waxed. Yes, one of those waxes. It shouldn't be much for an ultrarunner but it was. I had a groupon.

The girl who did it was all chatty, and she would pause in her talking just long enough to rip... She was all, so what do you do for a living? RRRRIPPP. Oh, really? I had another customer this week that RRRRIPPP! does the same thing. RRRRIPPP! hey, you're doin' great!

It was the most painfull one I've done, since I hadn't done it in three years. But it was also the fastest.

Waxing is so cruel. At first, you're all, hey, that warm wax feels good, this won't be so bad, I think, and what's that? A muslin strip? So now you'll HEYYYY! OW! OW OW FUCKING OW!!!

RRRRIPPP

I asked her if she had seen 'that scene' in the movie, 40-year-old Virgin, and she said, Did you know they really did wax him?

RRRRIPPP.

9. I started a new 50 mile training plan. I tried to talk mini baboo into doing it. He had lots of questions about trail running, but so far, is not interestested in running with his mom. Go figure.

I'm trying to figure out a way to upload my training plan, in case anyone is interested.

8. Monday we had a nasty storm here, and I stayed inside all day and burned wood. I called in lazy. Actually, I called in snow. I can barely see here, I said, and then writhed in the guilt of my lie. Luckily, I was saved when the major freeway that takes me to work was closed down. See? It really was bad out. i relaxed, and read on the couch.

And waited. And then....about two in the morning, Sweet Baboo came home. He has been gone all month. I showed him his Christmas prresent: new components, many of them Apple, set up for streaming movies and listening to his favorite music, whenever he wants. He was less interested on the gift and more interested in the giver.

7. As part of my Year of Vanity, I bought a curing lamp and Gelish stuff to do my own gel nails. I'm hard on my nails, and these are fantastic.

6. Also, the skin experiment hS been successful. i've managed to get rid of a lot of spots through a careful regimen. Yes, yes, I know, it's what's on the inside that counts, blah, blah.

I was asked recently about marathoning (probably because I keep a whole buttload of my medals hanging on the wall in my office) and I told them, truthfully, it all comes down to the math. I have to eat less, or move more, and I LIKE TO EAT. Vanity trumps laziness, yet again.

5. Meanwhile, along the same "vanity trumps laziness" thread, in my desperate bid to be the world's biggest 'Johnnie come lately' I started doing the Power 90 workout this week. I like it. I can only do five pushups in a row. That's up from last year, when I could do three. Still, I like it.

I parent my pets like I parent my kids: You
got yourself up there, you can get yourself
back down. I don't care if you're blind.

4. The other thing I did this week was switch over to a mac. I've had it with Microsoft. I bought a mini mac and a wireless keyboard and trackpad, and it just uses my tv as a display. I also bought a CD/dvd superdrive, and spent considerable time ripping Baboo's favorite CDs to The Cloud.

3. Blind kitteh is doing well. She even climbs up into the Christmas tree. Here's a fun fact for you: blind kitties always climb back down backwards, that is, they descend butt first. She likes to chew on my feet while I'm putting on makeup. From the two teaspoons of kitteh formula she was taking in six weeks ago, she is now eating a full can of cat food a day, plus some dry.

2. I will begin running on the treadmill during the week. I have always said: i don't mind running in the cold, or the dark, but bitter cold plus dark, well forget it. And those Holiday edition Hershey's kisses aren't going to burn themselves off. I'm still at 156, and my butt feels big.

But anyway. I like running on the treadmill. The key is to tip it up a little, so that there's some incline. That shortens your stride and makes it a better workout.

1. My next year is going to be somewhat barren of travel, at least for a while. I have to complete an internship, which will last 8 months, and so that will keep me busy 6 days a week. I will graduate in August, so I'm planning on doing something special for the fall to celebrate. I might try my hand at another 100K, or I might try to do an Ironman again. I'm still in the planning stages.

...

What I think, and what I know.

2011-12-02T19:22:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

Here is what I think, and what I know.

13. I know it's forcast to be a high A HIGH of 34 this Sunday, the day of a sprint triathlon I signed up for, and a low A LOW the day before and the day of the triathlon of about 20.

12. I think I am not going to swim, bike, and run in that shit.

11. I know that the Gelish basix kit and the light that I bought with it maybe the best investment I ever made. Shiny, shiny nails, I love you. You stand up to scouring a blackened pot.

10. I think that the weekend I spent with Baboo in San Antonio after Thanksgiving maybe a better weekend than most people have in their life. IN THEIR LIFE. No, don't argue. You won't win.

9. I know that the Panasonic electric epilator I bought is a very iffy proposition. I know that I will study carefully and procede with caution.

8. I think i maybe am the world's clumsiest woman. I was standing in line at the base exchange this week, and rolled my ankle. i shit you not. Standing there. The soldiers and airmen around me were AMAZED. I got that incredulous, gosh, are you okay ma'm? while i recovered my balance and muttered, yes, thank you.

8. I know that I am seriously behind on my running, owing to the molar I had pulled this week. and also due to the preparations I have been making for Sweet Baboo's return.

7. I think, that is I am pretty sure, that I swallowed a loose crown this week.

6. I know I am not going to try to retrive it. bye-bye, loose crown. Hello, kentucky woman.

5. I think that my blind kitten needs a tiny football helmet. BONK. I also think it must be a necessary part of her development to always be under my left foot as I am putting it down, so that I can hear the frantic SCREEK!! And then almost fall over to avoid stepping on her. I also think her development somehow involves lying very close to me while I sleep and swatting me on the mouth.

4. I know that Sweet Baboo is coming home, at least by Tuesday.

3. I think he'll be pleased with some of the changes I made during the month that he's been gone. I rearranged some things, and got new bedding. This weekend, I will put up Christmas lights.

2. I know that this month went better than I thought it would; and yet, I am glad it's over.

1. I think the the Jonster and I need to talk about picking up after onesself. After all, winter is in full swing, and I could very easily accidentally lock him out of the house.

13 things to be thankful for

2011-11-18T21:08:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

Here are some things I'm thankful for:

13. I'm thankful that I've got good genes. I complain about my depressive, anxious, alcoholic genes, but I have some good ones, too: I'm smart, and I have nice, thick, oily skin. I know that last one sounds weird, but trust me: if you live in the desert southwest, thick oily skin is what you want. It keeps me looking young. Good vanity genes also includes that I have only a few strands of gray hair at 46.

12. I'm thankful for Baboo. Of course. There was a time when I briefly waffled in my decision to marry him. I was pretty gun-shy. But I swallowed hard, took the plunge, and my life has been awesome ever since.

11. I'm thankful that my Baboo has an excellent work ethic. If he didn't, I would have as much fun as I do, and my running shoes would be much lower quality, and I wouldn't get to brag about his accomplishments as much as I do, which of course is the grownup version of my boyfriend can beat up your boyfriend.

Speaking of which: yes, in officer's training this month he did beat out most of the younger guns the fitness tests, which of course, includes running two whole miles.

10. I'm thankful for Ma and Pa Baboo. As inlaws, they are The Awesome.

9. I'm thankful Blogsy for iPad now has WYSIWYG editing. This has been a major hindrance to posting to my blog, so I'll be doing that more often.

8. I'm thankful for all four crazy critters that live in my house: the loud, whiny complaning one; the spazzy wiggly one; the blind one; and the one that hisses at everybody else.

7. I'm thankful for my job. In a bad economy having a job is enough to be thankful for, but I have a job where they treat me with respect and provide the tools I need.

6. I'm thankful for my brain. Pretty soon, I'll be testing for my independent license. I expect to pass. I wish I could say I am grateful for the licensing board in my state, but their glacial pace makes it impossible (I applied for this in August, and it's been pending since then.)

5. I'm thankful for Rihanna's Disturbia. And, for car dancing. The two are not mutually exclusive.

4. I am thankful for waking up to a warm kitten tucked under my chin, purring--What? You wish you had an under-the-chin kitten? Well, there's plenty of poor homeless kittens out there; go getcha one.

of course, I am thankful for the few stolen hours of sleep I manage to get between the several moments that the blind kitteh inexplicably smacks me in the mouth with her tiny, sharp-clawed paw. (WHAT the fuck is up with that, anyway?)

3. I'm thankful that my work computer knows what I mean when I type doe snot.

2. I am thankful for good friends like Herself, the Dreadpirate, who shames me into not skipping out on the Turkey run I signed up for but felt like I was too exhausted to run, given that cats kept me up all night.

And,

1. I'm thankful all three of my kids are safe, even the one who recently unfriended me on Facebook and is not speaking to me (You know who you are.)

...

San Antonio

2011-11-17T21:01:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

Well, I guess I am a little burnt out on road marathons. This was not all that exciting. I felt like I wasted a lot of eneergy in the first ten miles dodging around women walking six abreast walking elbow to elbow. And crap, it was hot. I hoped for a PR. Then I hoped to break five. Then i hoped to break 5:15.

By the time I was at mile 20, and had thrust a bag of ice into my bra top to ward off the 87 degrees heat, I just wanted the damned thing to be over.
And yet...
I continue ti be grateful that I can even run a marathon.

12. Of course, I'm gonna lose a toenail. or three. Lovely.

11. The Army had other plans for our hope-for weekend. They had Baboo work all day Saturday and part of the day Sunday. Immediately after the marathon, I had time to shower and get into a cab. By the time I hit the airport at 3:30, i was ready to chew my own arm off, having not eaten since 4 am.

I ate three suppers. Of airport food. I practically had to sell blood to pay for it. But surprisingly, I made good choices. I ate at some schmancy place that served little pices of food for a lot of money, hoping for good protein. I grabbed a sandwich to go. Then, in Dallas, I ate a grilled chicken sandwich at McDonalds DON'T GIVE ME ANY CRAP I was starving.

10. Oh, AND the Garmin Nuvi kept sending me to closed gates on base? There's no "I can't go this way" button, either. So, I would just turn back while the Nuvi erupted into a hysterical litany of turn left make a u-turn turn left then turn left make a u-turn...I have to wonder if the Nuvis all talked to eath other, what mine would say about me? You wouldn't believe the idiot who owns me. She never follows any of my damned directions. Why does she even use me?

I'll tell you why. Because it always leads me to a Starbucks.

9. I took the week off from running so that my toe could turn black and stop hurting.

8. You know what? I forgot how much I liked celery. I started taking it to work and eating it,with hummus. Of course, I have to say it in a gutteral, sexy way HHHHHHUMMUS.
But, this seems to be helping my, "it's 9 am an I've eaten my lunch" problem.

7. This week I had a kid's mother in my office. The kid asked me about my medals and then I told her, Running is my anti-drug. we talked about coping skills. We talked about treatment. I worked my magic, the magic that is required when the state you live in allows anyone over 14 to refuse treatment. . I shit you not.
Anyway. As we leaving my office the kid's mother took me aside on the stairwell to ask me a question, in private: so I bet you know where I can get a good workout bra.
Why, of course I do. It's all about priorities, you know. You can have more kids. But a good fitting bra, well, I mean, c'mon.

6. I have bifocal contacts! I am incredibly excited about this, new piece of artifice and vanity. Why, no, my eyes are not 46 year old simultaneously near sighted and farsighted organs. Not as long as I have these little babies. I am a snowflake, as fresh as the day the cloud made me.

5. So the eye doc told me how they work: at a near microscopic level, the lens is like a window screen, with the screen part being corrective for reading closely. The rest is corrective for distance vision. Cool, huh? So this week, i have the 'low' version in, during which my brain begins to train itself to fill in the gaps.
If you have ever taken perception or cognitive psychology, this is even cooler. Eventually, my visual cortex and I suspect, my executive functions, will learn to integrate decent vision close and far. If this is too nerdy for you, forgive me. I just love that as i age I can continually prop up my various functions in a way that my parents couldn't have.

That's your science moment for the week.

4. and yet...as Baboo and I were discussing this week, I am pretty satisfied being the wise woman. I am older than most of the people I work with. I work with a lot of twenty-somethings, and I interview a lot of teenagers that utter dramatic statements like, why are they even including that stuff that I did before in my case? That was like, six months ago! It's history!
Meanwhile, I find that I have lots to say on any number of topics. I never thought I'd be this satisfied being older, but I am.
But I'm still vain.
I still want the Retinyl palmitate in my skin cream.

3. Blind kitty is learning her way around the house now. She's completely blind, and yet can find her way to and from the little box, at two months' old. *snif* I'm so proud. I still can't leave food out for her, because Catso and Hissy Fit will eat it if I do. They have no shame. They've been freaking out since I put them on Indoor Cat Weight Control Formula.

2. Jonster has come home. This is former Seaman Jon. He is no longer in the military. I've had a rough year worrying about this kid, but I think he's going to be okay.

1. My souvenier from San Antonio. I picked up this little gem at the expo, where I'd gone to get the injinji socks I forgot to pack. At f

At first, I thought it was related to the gels and electrolytes it was sitting among. Then I looked closer at it.

No, I said to the saleswoman.

Yes, she said.

Not--

oh yes. I sell tons of these.

I will tell you that it is pink.

I promise a full report.

...

No, I said

First world problems

2011-11-14T21:50:00.001-07:00

Dread pirate turned me onto this "know your meme" website. http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/first-world-problems#.TrvF1Cp5mSM The precipitant.receding? Whatever. Trigger, for this was me jokingly whining about how the remote cotrol mysteriously stopped working on our old dcd player, and no universal will work...leading me to surmise that the IR has gone out. This is. Totally geeky thing to be able to surmise but like most things in life, i am very good at figuring out what the problem is. I leave it to others to fix it. Which is why I am a diagnostician.

Anyway. So, i love this meme and i have been tweeting useless whines this week. i hasten to add that I am grateful that nearly all my complaints are of this ilk. Here are some:

I still haven't figured out how to utilize my smartphone's Mobile hotspot feature.

I want to network our stereo components, but I haven't the right modem for it.

I think my trail shoes have gotten a little worn.

My friends can't seem to decide on which ironman to do, and I'm on pins and needles, hoping it will be one I can get to and do.

The director of field experiences at my grad schhol is a giant a.hole who Consistently utters factually inaccurate statements. But i have to kiss his ass until I graduate even though I'm older, smarter, more experienced, and lets face it, prettier.

Pet care is cutting into my workout time.

I still haven't developed my own low-calorie carmel sauce.

I am going to have to run a marathon in 80 degree with incredibly high humidity. Boo

And the last one...

I bit the inside of my lip and my crystal lite stings.

Boo.

So, now, very very late post. Thursday 13.

2011-11-09T22:17:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

13. I PR'd the 10k last Sunday by about 10 seconds. I didn't beat one hour, but I scored third place in my age group. I'd like to thank my coach, who had me do a warmup before the race (it was 45 degrees) as well as thank the fast women in the 40 to 49 growho slept in, went to church, or whatever it is that people do on Sunday mornings.

12. The day before, I hiked up about 3 miles up into the Sandias and ran back down. Not a whisper from the ankle which, by the way, has no more bruising.

11. Through both of these, I had no ankle pain. So I consider the matter finished. A mystery, but finished.

10. The drama that is my only daughter has come to a close. She moved to South Dakota, where her father's people are, to go to job corps. South Dakota is a much safer place to be poor than Albuquerque. In Albuquerque, you have to live in a section called the "war zone". years ago, when I first moved here, I looked at a map that was color coded according to types and frequency of crime. The war zone areas were all bright, bloody red.

9. Meanwhile, youngest son returns on the 12th, while I'm in San Antonio. Still not ready to talk about that yet.

8. It was 27 degrees this morning. The San Antonio marathon is expecting a high of 83 that day. "Run fast," says Coach Baboo. Ha. Whatever.

7. Hey, where the hell is my yoga mat? I've got a Groupon for yoga, but you have to bring your own mat. What on earth could have happened to a yoga mat?

6. Considering the following races for 2012: Bander 50k, Grasslands 50 miler. Also considering the Javalina 100K again for 2012.

5. Also considering the Grand Columbian Tri v. Redman Tri. Yes, a TRI. With cycling and shit. The Grand Columbian has a special award for couples to complete the triathlon.
4. The kitten thing is getting old. My hands are hamburger. They, along with my feet, are covered in hundreds of tiny holes and scratches. So is my cleavage. I've gotten to where I just carry her straight out from me, which of course freaks her out more.

3. I didn't post anything because I've been emotionally preparing myself for Himself's departure. He is spending November and part of the first week of december in San Antonio at Officer's Basic training. I hate being alone. I truly do. I don't ever want to go to sleep, and I say up way to late, eating too much, watching too much TV.
This should give you a snapshot into my life if Baboo wasn't in it: I would be huge. I would still be running, because I have been running...but I would be huge. And tired. yes--I'd have dark circles.

2. So, but, Himself is flying me out to San Anotnio this weekend. I'm staying on base. It's kind of Himself's very own bootie call. He'll probably cringe when he reads this. But there it is. Oh, and the marathon on Sunday. My fantasy goal: sub-4:45. Hey, he's pretty damned lucky to have me as a wife, right? I mean, I'm all ready to run, and rhomp, and work out. And Sunday I'll run a marathon.

1. Oh, and did I mention that it's 83 degrees this weekend in SA? AND HUMID? Hmm. the hoped-for PR is looking dimmer and dimmer. But that's okay. I'll get a break from being clawed by tiny kitten claws.

Meow.

....ee

New goals

2011-10-28T20:10:00.001-06:00

Dear Diary,

MEDIC!!

I need some goals, now that the year is winding down. Here are a few:

13. Lose the ten pounds (I still insist that this is at least partly high sodium water weight)

Yep....any day now...I'll just piss it all away.

Any day now.

12. Get up at five am on weekdays and do some kind of exercise for at least an hour.

11. 26 minute 5k.

10. 59 minute 10k

9. PR at the San Antonio rock and roll marathon.

Thats it for goals right now.

8. Blind kitten update: at first, her eyes seemed to be stuck shut. Now they are opened, although she still seems to be blind and her actual eyes are kind of dead looking. At first, She refused to eat. Now she is lapping up formula and nibbling at kibble. She went from barely moving to doing a few leaps in the yard and exploring. At I write this she is lying next to me, attacking my arm. We will be takng her to the vet to have her checked out some time this week. She has a crate with a soft towel in it, and under the crate is a heating pad. I move the crate around the house. i do stuff so she can hear me.

7. Update 2: she tested negative for kitty diseases, got her first shot, did you know there are veterinary opthamologists? Me neither. She'll be seeing one soon. By Tuesday, she was eating some solid food and was up to three teasoons of formula every four or five hours.
(It is a truth universal that a large vet bill will occur something in the 2 months before Christmas.)
By Friday, she was eating her way into a coma. I can no longer feel her ribs. She has that round kitten belly, and she's scampering, somersaulting, leaping around, and acting silly. Just like a proper kitteh.

Those are not my hairy legs.

And bumps into things. Poor blind kitteh.

6. Monday morning I got up at five, fed Stevie Wonder (that's what I'm calling her right now, because she just moves her poor, blind little face around, following the sound of me walking, moving, and talking.) then I got dressed, got on the treadmill, and ran like hell for about eleven minites. The rest of the day, I had no pain at all in my ankle. None.

5. Announcing. New Mexico's newst ultra: the Mount Taylor 50K Run. Y'all come.

4. A big middle finger to the photographer at the Point Defiance 50K who took my picture limping painfully into the the end of the 2nd loop. And then sent me a notice letting me know, YOUR PICTURES FROM THE DEFIANCE 50K ARE READY!

Take that, ankle.

ps: Sweet Baboo was, like, 18th overall, and 2nd in his age group. BOOyah. It's very satisfying, I must say, to live with someone studly and fast. Since, you know, I"m not. I can have my daily brush with greatness that way.

3. I went out and did a hilly three mile run. No pain from ankle. None. After, I wrote the alphabet with. My big toe. The next morning, NO PAIN.

2. I am considering another Ironman. The Outlaws peeps are chompin' at the bit to do another race as a team and after all, we are multisport, not just running.

1. So, here is an observation that I have about Seattle. Actually, it's more of a question. So here it is.

where do you folks keep all your fat people?

Seriously, the whole time I was there I saw maybe four people who I could honestly say were obese. That's a huge change from where I live now. This wasn't just Seattle, I noticed it in Bellingham as well.

Any thoughts?

...

Stupid things.

2011-10-23T12:57:00.000-06:00

Dear Diary,

So, I've apparently gained 10 lb. of weight? Plllttt. This is bad. This is very, very bad. This time last year, I was at 146 lb.. Now I'm at 156. Luckily, I never did completely finish getting my clothes tailored. They were somewhat loose, so they fit fine now.

I blame weight watchers, and their stupid new points plus program. I was doing well, and they changed it.
Stupid weight watchers.

(of course, I have slacked off my training seriously since early summer, but yes, let's blame weight watchers.)

I need to get moving. Since I can't do any log distance running for several weeks, I'm looking at the p90 exercise system. I may be modifying it as my ankle heals. I'm also planning to do some walking on the treadmill to see what I can do and how long I can do it.

Those are not, by the way, my hairy legs.

Why am I having these thoughts today? Because lots of people I know are running the Duke City Marathon now. RIGHT now. And me, I'm sitting here with my stupid ankle, I thought I might be able to pull it off and maybe do the half, but as soon as I thought that, the swelling went away. Turns out the swelling was keeping it from hurting. It also hid most of the bruising. My foot is bruised, on top, near the front, and my leg, all around, well above my ankle. I can walk on it, but I can't touch it, it's tender.

Well, yesterday Sweet Baboo and some other guardsmen discovered a small, blind, female neonate. She's calico and at most four weeks old. I'm not sure how this scenario will turn out. She's completely blind, and I have a dog that thinks that everything small and furry is a chew toy. She was in bad shape, barely moving when they found her, and refusing all food. After wrestling with a tiny bottle (seriously, I put huge holes in this tiny nipple, but nothing will come out) I contacted DP, who is one cat away from being a genuine cat lady, who advised us.

Sweet Baboo started dipping his finger into kitty formula (yes, there is such a thing, available at the pet store) and smearing it on her muzzle. She licked it off, and then eventually she started licking it off his finger. When I came home, we got her to transition to lapping it from a small jar lid or a spoon. Now she's climbing out of every box I try to put her in.

I carry her around the house in a favorite scarf that I have fashioned into a sling. She's very sweet.

My ankle is still stupid. And I still feel fat.

Stupid ankle. Stupid Weight Watchers.

Nice kitty.
...

Friday 14 - The Seattle Travel Edition.

2011-10-21T07:01:00.000-06:00

Dear Diary,

The Zensah Ankle sleeve.

14. I am back home where, predictably, I was missed at work. It's good to be missed. The 20-something who lives 2 offices down, for instance, bounced by my office yesterday and said, Oh,Misty,I'mSoGladYou'reBack. ImissedYourEnergy!!!

13. This whole ankle thing has gotten old. It's on average about twice a year that I sprain my right anke. But there's nothing and buying eqUipment won't fix, right?

Stupid ankle.

Nemo? Where are you nemo?

12. Meanwhile, the ankle is still swollen. Ooo, and ug-lay. Behold. This is day four, after wearing a sock all day. I spent most of the day sitting, too.

It's a Port, After all.

Himself.

11. But I can walk on it just fine. Up stairs, down stairs. I wore heels. No problem. But I can't touch it. Owie. Stupid ankle.

10. Seattle was beautiful. Despite a forecast of rain for five days out of seven, it sprinled lightly early one morning and then never rained again.

On day one, we ate Indian buffet for lunch out with Baboo's Dad, who is also a psychologist and was in town for a DBT conference.

9. Day 2, we went to Pike Street Market, and had coffee at the original Starbucks. Then went to the REI flagship store. Then I had a stragith shot of espresso. Then we went running trails at Cougar Mountain. Then Had dinner with Dad Baboo at the cheesecake factory.

One of the many musicians along the waterfront.
We saw banjos, a capellasin ging, guitars,
and this guy, to name a few.

8. Day 3, we got up early and deove along the Olympic Peninsula. Baboo ran a 10k through the Hoh rain forest, and I hiked about four miles. It was so cool, mossy and dark. We drove back along the Pacific, stopping to look for shells. There weren't any. Mostly, there were rocks and driftwood,

7. Being fit is awesome. Loud tourists near you? No problem: run away. Big-assed hills? So what? I was at sea level, practically swimming in oxygen. Until day 4, I felt like I could run forever.

Best sandwich ever IN MY LIFE. Shrimp and bacon club,
with sweet potatoe fries, at the Cheesecake Factory.
This was two meals for me.

6. Day 4 was the race. Stupid ankle. I would have been at least fourth, possibly third, in my division of my ankle hadn't given out.

Well. There is always next year.

Stupid ankle.

5. Day 5, drove to Vancouver, which is beautiful, expensive, and doesn't "do" iced tea. We went on a suspension bridge. We avoided buying gas there which was, apparenly, 140.8. I have to assume that is cents, per liter. On the way bome, we stopped in Bellingham, and ate at Anthony's on the waterfront. I had crab and a small steak.

I discovered that the persistant queasiness I'd had on and off was because of the outgassing from the leather seats in the rental car.

Peroshky, Peroshky!!
Mine was smoked salmon

Red velvet cheesecake, finished with white chocolate.
I finished this over 3 days.

It occurs to me that most of
my travel pictures are about food.
That seems wrong, somehow.
(Top Pot Donuts)

4. Day 6, we slept in, then drove into town and ate at Top Pot donuts, which had the best coffee on the trip. Oh, and donuts. We cruised through the market on Pike Street again, particularly an antique store and a place that sold old ads and magazines. We walked through Olympic Park. WHERE MY ANKLE WAS JUST FINE.

Stupid ankle.

We ate dinner at Paolo's in Kent. It was great. The food was wonderful.

Suspension bridge in Vancouver.
Can you find the Baboo?

"We don't do iced tea."

I can see Alaska from my porch.

Van Burien Press' fairly uninspiring menu board.

Olympic Park

3. Day 7, we slept in, and had coffee at the Van Burien Press, despite our Nuvi's attempts to keep us in Seattle. Really, Nuvi had some kind of nervous breakdown in Seattle, where everything is a freeway. Like, we would be sitting at a red light, not moving, not even in very heavy traffic, and suddenly out of the silence Nuvi would say, "RECALCULATING". uM, what? recalculating what? We're not even moving!

Anyway. The Coffee at Van Burien press was so so. The barista seemed somewhat uninspired. We were subjected to a very, very loud conversation between three high caffeinated new-agers that were going on, ad nausea, and youknowthere'saforceintheuniversethatformsbetweenusandthemoonandthesunreallyscientistshaveactuallymeasureditandicanFEELit.Ican.Imantrathatshit,youknow.

Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! I had a chicken and asparagus
pie.

We sat around for a few hours, and then had lunch at Aussie Pies. Then, we flew home.

2. Now, somehow out of all of this, I gained 10 lbs. Not sure how that's possible, that would involve something like an extra 25000 calories eaten, added to the face that we were up on our feet moving around most of the time, when usually we are each of us sitting in an office chair. I mean, I enjoyed myself, but not 25000 calories worth.

I'm assuming that because we ate out so much, I took in lots of sodium. My clothes aren't tighter, by the way, so I don't know where it all is. If it isn't gone by this weekend, well, I'll have to revise my ticker up at the top of the page and do the special K challenge, I guess. Meanwhile, I'm taking in lots of green tea and water.

1. So, back in Albuquerque, where we only have two freeways. I loved Seattle, and will probably go back, really, since I still don't have a Washington marathon.
I was scheduled to do the Duke City in about 2 days, but, um, probably not. Tomorrow morning I"m hoping to go out and see how the ankle holds up to walking around the block. I'll work my way up from there.

Next up: THe Rock and Roll San Antonio marathon, November 12th.

...

Not quite yet, Washington.

2011-10-17T09:56:00.001-06:00

Looks like I will be coming back to Washington.

The day started auspiciousl. It was cold and damp. For running, I lerves me some cold and damp. The trails were absoutely the best I have run on. You know how you see those new-fangled rubberized tracks at schools and you think to yourself, gee, too bad they can't just have a bunch of these installed in parks, well, this was't a rubberized track, but it was close. The are is a temperate rain forest, and the ground is soft, usually covered with solidlly pounded down leaf letter or pine needles. It was fantastic. Mostly runnable, with just enough roots and technicall sections to keep from getting too bored. I am crazy jealous of people who get too run these all the time. Oh, and the run start/fiinish was at 8 feet below sea level. There was so my oxygen I felt invincible - like I could run forever.

After the aid station at the fort, there are three climbs. They will get your attention, but after the third one, there's a long runnablle section, until you get to the Gnarly Descent, where they have a small rope to hold onto. The girl in front of me I was about to punch in the head--she was not a good downhill runner, but she wouldn't yield the trail. I decided, must beat stupid giirl.

The first loop, I think I did in about 2:10. I was stoked. I might be about to come in around 6:45. I certainly was going to beat my 50K PR of 7:16 or so.

On my second loop, t mile 18, a volunteer who was acting as a crossing guard in one of the places where the trail crossed the river told me I looked great! I did look great! I felt great! I was on track to finish this second loop in about 2:20 or so. I turned back to give a winning smile, and at that moment, I stepped off the pavement. It wasn't a far drop, just a couple inches, but I stumbled a bit. It wasn't even a big stumble. I didn't smack into a tree, or fall off a cliff, or do a face plant. it's just that the ground was softer than the pavement, so that when I stepped down onto it it provided a less firm footing. So, I stumbled a bit, and then as I regained my footing, I stepped down on the outside of my right root, and rolled my ankle.

I did the usual hop-hop-step, hop-hop-step, swear like a sailor, but kept moving forward, biting my lip. I roll my ankle a lot. Usually, it's nothing.

After about 50 yards, I resumed jogging, and after about a half mile, the pain had faded. I felt nothing in my ankle. Nothing. I jogged easily, watching the trail carefully. Hmm. I might have a slower third loop. But I should still easily beat 7 hours. I jogged another half mile.

And then--ow. A smalll pain started in my right foot, somewhere in the middle. It grew quickly, sharpening when I toed off. Over the next quarter mile or so it worsened inexpliicably, untiil I was hobblling down the trail. The downhills I had taken with gusto before I carefully took now. At one point I actually sllid a foot or two on my butt.

I reached the running path 50 yards from the finish and at this point, I could barely wallk. Still no pain from my ankle - just that horrible stabbing pain in my foot. Had I broken it somehow?

I limped over to the first aid tent, where they seemed, frankly, to be bored. I was happy to give them something to do.

"I am not a quitter. I am not a cry baby," I sobbed, "but this really hurts. My foot has never felt like this before."

The doc examined my foot, and no, nothing was broken. What had happened, he saiid, is that my tendons had locked down as a protective measure. You say protective. I say conspiracy, I whined. As I said that I gingerlly tried to flex my foot backwards, and--well, nothing happened. My foot would't budge. If you can't move your foot forward and back, let's face it, on a techical trail with rollers, you are done.

The doctor examined my ankle, gently pressing here and there, he said, "I need to take off your other shoe and sock to see if it's swollen'"

"Well, of course it's swollen," I said indignantly. "I don't have cankles. Will this get better if I just sit here for a littlle while? So that I can finish?

The EMT sighed. "I've found it does no good to telll an ultra runner to stop running. But I wouldn't advise that you try to finish."

Well, then, I'm goiing to make your day, doc. I can't walk, so I'm done. Besides, I have a marathon in a month that I really wanted to PR on, and I don't want to do any more damage.

The EMT asked me how long I had been running.

"Since I turned 40," I replied.

blink. bliink. "You're over 40?"

I love these moments. "I'm 46."

He blurted, charmingly, "You're older than me!"

"Yes, and I'm pretty sure my oldest son is about his age," I said, gesturing to the doctor.

"You don't look like you're that old."

Careful there. I may not be ablle to take all that charm when you turn it on full force.

Anyway.

The next day we drove up to Vancouver, where Brian went running, and I did some hobbling. I refused, on principle, to pay the $44 fee to ride the Tram all the way up to the top and back. Why? Well because I live where the world's longest Tram is located, and I can ride that any time I want for that. So, I decided to work on a short toung--in-cheek travel report on Canada. Which is a post for another day.

Feeling Seattle

2011-10-15T00:14:00.001-06:00

14. Yesterday, the Sweet Baboo and I went for a run in the woods cougar mountain. We went aboout 6.5 miles, it was a nice run. Pictures to come; Baboo took pictures in the woods, and they're on the camera. Anyway. There were huge slugs. They were cool.

13. First, we went to Pike Place market. We had coffee at the original starbucks and then I had a smoked salmon peroshki (sp?). We walked and gawked. Everyone was pretty friendly. The one exceptiion was a weaver who was terse and said, "clearly, you don't know what you're looking for' ?? Uh, I'll telll you this, I won't buy from you.

12. Talk about coincidences: Sweet Baboo's dad, who lives in Alaska, was in Seattle for a conference. We met him for dinner at the Cheese Cake Factory.

11. I think I'm starting to get carsick as I get older.

10. The run was great. The forests here are so old, and the canopies so high. We were almost entirely in shade.

9. At the Cheesecake factory, I had a shrimp and bacon club sandwich. I shit you not, this may very well be the best sandwich I have had in my lfe. I couldn't eat it all. I hate one half, and also half of my desert. I ate the other half of the sandwich at 3 am the next morning, and it was a bit soggy, and it was still fantastic.

8. It was, by the way, a red velvet cheese cake. And a cosmopolitan.

7. Today, we drove pretty much all around the Olympic peninsula, and stopped in the Hoh rain forest. It was weird and gorgeous. You would think that a wet marshy forest would smell moldy, but it smelled great, kind of sweet almost. After being in the desert for 10 years, this was quite a change. It was cold, and moist, and it was great.

6. Baboo ran a 10k in the Hoh rain forest. I hiked about 3-4 miles, and took a lot of pictures. Which I can't seem to upload to Blogger. damnit.

5. Tomorrow, I will run a 50K around Puget sound. My goal is 7 hours. My fantasy goal is 6:30.

4. Tonight, I had bisque. It reminded me of a Seinfeld episode. Honk if you can tell me which.

3. Speaking of which, at work last week, this line was in a kid's medical record: "The patient is allergic to grases, some molds, etc.,"

uh, excuse me? oh, you did not just yada yada someone's medical history!

2. I downloaded another Al Frankin book for our drive.

1. I took a shot of espresso for the first time yesterday. I was going to be all cool and sophisticated. What I was was kind of sick to my stomach and jittery for the next hour. I'm just not cool enough to do espresso shots, I guess.

It's all in the wrist.

2011-10-09T08:44:00.000-06:00

Dear Diary,

16. After months of dragging my ass around the hills at negative miles per hour, I finally feel like I'm coming back. I had a great run this week, running up most of the hills. I did it without feeling like I was gonna hurl, and felt great at the end. Stinky, but great . I'm pretty stoked. Between this and my PR at the 50K a few weeks ago, Point Defiance 50K (in less than 2 weeks!) is looking pretty good.

15. However, I'm completely out of vacation days. In order to take the vacation time in Seattle next week, (YES! I'll be posting my blog from SEATTLE!) I will be working two saturdays this month. I'm really fortunate to have a job where they let me do that. But that six-day week, well, maybe I'm just older than I used to be. By the time Sunday (today) rolled around, I was all, nope, don't feel like running. I feel like sleeping in (7 am, to those just tuning in) and relaxing.

14. I can't remember the last time Baboo and I had to vacation and mosy. I'm totally stoked. Me and my boots and hat will be on a plane Wednesday morning, with a layover in Love Field.

Me and a fellow therapist
who was working just as
hard as I was that day.
(Photobooth app)

13. My oldest kiddo, aka "Sweetface", turned 27 this week. (Holy shit, I am OLD.)

12. Hey, what the hell is up with Lean Cuisine. Why aren't there any vegetables in their lunches? It's not like they're incredibly expensive. I'm sticking with Healthy Choice, I think. More fiber, fewer refined carbs.

11. Weight, by the way, is holding steady at 152. Ish. It was starting to creep up, but then it came back down when I started running.

10. After some experimenting, I am using the WatchR app. It's free, and although it doesn't have a food base, it automatically deducts activity points and weekly points. Cool. I also use the GoMealsHD, which uses the Calorie King database. And, I still use AllRecipes pro, which I <3.

9. Thursday, Sweet Baboo wrote me an email me, telling me that they are having some budget cutbacks at the VA, and so they are taking the Blackberries from some of the program heads. Sweet Baboo is, unfortunately, one of them, and so we need to go get him a phone.
So we went to the Verizon store, where we found out that all this time (like, 5 years) if we had put it in his name, we'd have been getting a 15% discount, because he's a federal employee. So that's what we did.

I took this picture Saturday morning, when I realized there
was snow on the mountain.

8. We also got Android X2 phones. These are like the coolest thing ever. Sweet Baboo picked them out because Consumer Reports like them best, and, well, they are pretty damned awesome. I have been playing with mine and it does a lot of things better than my iPad, like uploading pictures. The camera is great. I suck, suck, suck at taking pictures but this makes it so much easier. I can time/place stamp a picture I've just taken and then share it using a built-in facebook app OR THE BLOGGER APP! WOOT!.

7. Best of all, there is a built-in navigator and when I have music playing through my car stereo (through the phone) it fades the music to give me another direction, then brings the music back up. So, right in the middle of Lady Gaga, it's all ...'CAUSE I WAS BORN THIS...TURN LEFT AT MONTGOMERY BOULEVARD...
It's a deaf agorophobic's dream toy, I tell you.

I did not take this picture. Wish I had. It was taken Saturday morning
of the Balloon Fiesta (yesterday)

6. Unfortunately, since Sweet Baboo doesn't enjoy playing with things to see how they work, and I am the family nerd. So when I worked Saturday, since three of my appointments never showed up, I spent the time playing with and learning how to use my phone. Then, teaching Sweet Baboo how to use it.

5. It also pulled in and integrated all my contacts through facebook, LinkedIn, and Google contacts. And allowed me to combine them. COOOL.

4. Sweet Baboo just took off for his run. I did not. I will make him a fried-egg sandwich.Meanwhile, there is new technology to play with. It is windy, cold, and damp out. Noooo thank you. Not quite ready for that yet.

3. SO of course, I've been changing my Ringtones every other hour. For instance, yesterday, my ring tone was "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode. But, I underestimated how much Sweet Baboo hates that song. Not just hates it, HHAAATTTTEEEEESSSSSSS it. So I'll be changing it. I am not a sadist. I won't force him to listen to a song he hates. Not when there are so many other annoying songs to choose from.

2. Now, with respect to #16, I also have had these days where I just don't want to do anything. I've been running at least every other day, so that's good, but I really need to get my shit together, and start running 5 days a week.

2. I volunteered to pace the 5:30 group at the Duke City Marathon in two weeks. I think the idea of pace groups is that they are usually groups for the Boston qualifying times, but what if you just want your own personal best? It suddenly occurs to me, oh, my, God. I am going to be possibly leading people to make a certain time. That's like, responsibility and shit. Am I ready for this?

1. THREE DAYS TO SEATTLE!!!
That is all.

...

Run far, or run big.

2011-09-30T07:21:00.016-06:00

You see this sort of thing at packet pickups.

Dear Diary,

13. I was very encouraged by the run I had in Denver last weekend. I thought for sure that I was going to crash and burn, since I hadn't been doing very long runs for a while. I forgot to mention this in my race report, but that was the fastest I've ever done a 50K. I PRd the distance by a bit over 30 minutes.

12. It's official-himself is in for the Boston Marathon! So vacation 2012 will be in Boston, in april. Woot!Of course, I will not be in the marathon. But, I get a vaca, and I don't even have to run 26 miles to do it. And all because I sleep with a Boston qualifier.

11. I lost my wallet in Denver. Damnit. Now I have to take a day off to go get another driver's license and other credentials. You know why this happened, don't you? Because God is punishing me for being too lazy to wait at the DMV to renew my license plate. Which I also haven't done. Shit.

10. SO between crewing for himself, and running 31 miles in the heat at Denver, and losing my wallet, I'm behind on a lot of stuff. It's amazing the stuff you can't do without a driver's license. Like, for instance, I have to go see kids that are in jail at times. My work ID only has my first name on it, sothey ask to see my ID. I tried telling the guard coyly, It's just Misty. Well, he bought it. Mostly because he's seen me there before. But next time I won't be so lucky.

9. Another thing I did right Sunday: I wore 100 SPF sunscreen for 7 hours straight. Not a hint of sunburn or splotchiness.

8. Tonight Himself the Baboo and I ran just under 6 miles around the neighborhood. So the story is this: when Sweet Baboo needs to keep himself from running too fast, he runs with me. (When he reads this, he's going to protest and deny that's not what he meant, but it's okay. I'm glad to have a purpose.)

7. At the kiddie jail:

Me: So tell me where you think you should be.
Kid: At home. I should be at home. I was doing very well well there.
Me:You're here for multiple probation violations, including cutting off your GPS device, burglary, and you recently overdosed and tested positive for opiates...all within the past four weeks. Tell me how that's 'doing very well'?
Kid: You're going to think whatever you want to think.
Me: Is any of that information wrong?
Kid: No.
Me: So I 'm still not hearing how you're "doing well".
Kid: You know what, you're all about the money. That's all you care about--money. That's the only reason you're here trying to put me in rehab.

OH, YES. I'm all about THE MONEY. That's why I work with children, which pays less in any field than working with adults. I'm a greedy bitch, I am
But you know, I get a toaster for every kid I put in rehab.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

6. I'm feeling kind of doughy lately. Maybe it's a good thing that my dry cleaner lost my size 6 skirt. I don't know if it would fit right now. Still, I am pissed about that skirt. From now on, I check every ticket before I walk out when I drop stuff off.

Found this looking for toaster images.
How cool is this? I might put
someone in rehab for this.

5. But the doughiness. May, or may not, have something to do with a dangerous new habit I have of making popcorn in butter. That's right. IN butter. instead of oil. Eep.

4. So, just as soon as I pitched the hissy fit about my lost wallet, (#11) and dug out my passport to go buy ANOTHER driver's license, what do you think happened? I bent down at work to pick up a small bag from WalGreens taht was poking out from under my desk, and guess what was in it. That's right.

Which means two things: Not only did I not LOSE my wallet in Denver, I didn't even TAKE my wallet there. I could have sworn than I did...ah, well. All's well that ends well.

3. I did get off my butt and run Wednesday and Thursday. I'm sort of on track for this week, for a 50-mile week. Sunday is one of my marathon cooking days, so I have to run a lot Saturday and Sunday morning.

2. One week to MIL, and TWO weeks to Seattle!!! WOOOT!

1. It's very whooshy out today: 22 mph winds. I hate running in this. And something tells me it's not a wrap-skirt day.

...

Bear Chase 50K, Bear Chase Lake Park, CO. (Race Report)

2011-09-26T09:48:00.001-06:00

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, I did the Bear Chase 50K in Colorado, near Denver.

The Good: Very well organized, top-notch friendly, hard-working volunteers, RIVER CROSSINGS that breathe life back into your poor, tired, hot legs and feet (twice!) big-assed medal, nice finish-line party. It is a great trail run for anyone doing their first 50k.

The Bad: Hot . It was hot. Did I say it was hot? If I didn't: it was HOT. They said it only got up to the 80s, but for running on a trail that's hot enough. About 2/3 of the course is unshaded, so it gets hot out there. It's not terribly scenic.

At 6:49 I kissed Sweet Baboo and wished him a good race, and then at 6:50 sharp, we were off.

First off, the course is very much like the Palo Duro 50K, in terms of difficulty, except that the trails are a bit more runnable (less rocky, and a bit less technical.) If you are familiar with Palo Duro, which is my favoritist 50K ever, then you know that you run a 10K loop, and then two 12ish-mile loops.

The biggest exception is that this race isn't quite as scenic as Palo Duro. It takes place on a man-made recreation area, in the middle of which is a gold course and a square, man-made lake.

The first loop is a 10K, and it's nice, and almost completely shaded, and flat, and you think, wow, this is going to be a cakewalk!

There is a tiny moment of worry and doubt when you notice the sign for loops 2 and 3 point towards a large hill, and you see a line of people snaking up the side of the hill, but you immediately put it out of your mind, because you are on loop1, and remember, if it isn't happening now, it doesn't exist.

You come in to the start/finish, where you have a bag o' stuff, if you're like me, lose the arm-sleeves and grab the sunscreen, and head out onto the second loop where, eventually, you become one of those people snaking up the side of that great big hill.

There is a cool part of the course where you have the first big climb (about mile 12 on the first loop and then mile 24, I think) and when you come up over the top of the climb the skyline of Denver is in view. It's kind of a strange thing to see in the middle of a 50k trail run, but also kinda cool.

At east aid station, someone would run out and ask what I needed, and take my bottle, and then by the time I got there, it was already filled up with ice, which is one of the main advantages to an urban-type trail run. They never, ever ran out of ice.

In miles 14ish and 26ish you run through a small woodsy section and there are three river crossings. You can't jump these; you're going to get wet. They're only about 12 to 18 inches deep, however, and slow-moving, basically what we call creeks in Alabama, not rivers.

The first time you just sort of natter to yourself and think, I hope I don't get blisters. But then there is the second time you cross through these.

Oh. My. The second time.

Sometimes toward the end of the first full loop God decided to hate on me, and turned on the heat. The back 2/3 of the big loops are out in the open, with no shade, and it started heating up fast, and there is a little over 4 miles between aid stations in the middle of which is the "big" climb on the course. When I headed out onto the second loop I took my bandana and loaded it with ice at each aid station. I had been making excellent time, but no more: my pace had been in the mid 12s and it soared during the second loop. I am a firm believer in the "run as you feel" mentality, so I didn't push it.

On the 2nd loop when I got to mile 26, when I got to the first river crossing, I stopped and sat down on my butt and let the cold water envelope me from the waist down. And peed. That wasn't planned by the way, it just happened. But the sitting, it was fantastic. I did it again, twice, (not peeing, just sitting) with each crossing.  Renewed, I bid a sad fareware to the cool water and then headed out to the next aid station at Fox Hollow. I was pretty satisfied to feel that I was well-hydrtated, and my legs were definitely back online.

After Fox Hollow is another sharp, short, but still disappointing climb, and you run a long section through a grassy plains area, much of it near a highway. It is fully exposed and you are hot. But, like most of the course, it's runnable, and the rivers had awakened me, along with the knowledge that I was less than 5 miles from the finish.

Plus, at Fox Hollow, I had two small cups of icy mountain dew, and taken two gels that themselves had caffein in them (that I had with me) as well as a Stinger waffle. It took a short time for those to work their way into my bloodstream, and I eventually came back to life and started passing people. Mostly men.

You know, I always feel bad for men when I pass them. I just do. Usually, they are super fit-looking men, in their 30s or 40s, with close-cropped hair, muscles, and spandex. They have on their zensah leg sleeves, small, efficient and aerodynamic waist belts with fluid, and you can tell they work out.  Everything about them screams aerodynamic.  Everything about them shouts efficiency.

And then *I* trundle past them like a large pack mule.  I usually have a very large floppy hat on, and a back pack full of my crap; I usually have gels, sunscreen, asthma inhaler, various pills, maybe a towel, some TP, maybe a snack or two, some lipstick - shutup - and I'm wearing a bandana loaded with ice, an ipod, and large, round sunglasses.  AND I'm carrying a handheld bottle. Plus, I'm doing some sort of slow shuffle jog when I pass these guys.  I usually just say "hi" or "nice job" or some other inane thing, answer a comment about why my tattoo has a horse on it, and then I'm on my way. But I do feel bad. Not bad enough not to pass them. But bad.

Big-assed medal. Or breastplate.

I had some waves of nausea at one point but I tried this trick that Sweet Baboo found out about: I grabbed an alcohol prep pad and waved it in front of my nose, and the nausea when away.

But the last mile or so I became rediculously consumed with passing more men, so I sped up quite a bit and in that heat got a little wasted again. So then I came into the finish, where of course Sweet Baboo had been done for over an hour. Holy crap, it was hot . "Do you want any pancakes?"

Uh, no. Do you want me to throw up on your feet?

I got a big-assed medal, seriously, this thing could be used to stop bullets.

Eventually, we headed out, and accidentally stumbled upon--accidentally, I swear--a Popeyes chicken place. We got home about 10:30 last night, and I'm whooped.

I want to give a shout-out to Jennifer, who gave us a place to sleep and fed me the night before, how awesome of her! She also did this race, and finished, too. I met her at my failed Bighorn 50 mile attempt.

All in all, not a bad way to spend a weekend.

Next Up: The Point Defiance 50k, in Puget Sound.

...

6 reasons to hate me, and 6 to tolerate me, and one neutral.

2011-09-23T12:26:00.001-06:00

Dear Diary,

13. My fall clothes are unfathomably baggy. When I put on belts, the waists pucker up like a paper bag. I absolutely have to take them to the tailor. It's ridiculous.

This is what an agorophobic 19-mile run
looks like.

12. I'm having some slight twinges of agoraphobia lately. I did a 19-mile long run last week without ever being more than 2.5 miles from my house. Beat That.

11. My vacation days were approved for the trip to Seattle. I only have a couple vacation days, the rest I'm comping by working a couple saturdays. I found some walking tours on the Frommers web site that look like fun. (and, there's always the original Starbucks, the holy grail of caffein addicts everywhere.I also found a podcast audio tour of the Japanese Gardens.

This will be a relaxed vaca with just me and the Sweet Baboo, with that 50k in the middle of it.

10. The water's too cold to swim there. I haven't been open water swimming in ages, and I miss it.

9. My mother in law is coming soon for a week. Have I mentioned my MIL and what a peach she is? You hear all sorts of horror stories about MILs, that they meddle, they're bossy, etc. Not mine. She's restful and relaxed, and just goes with the flow.

8. Seaman Jon, who is no longer a seaman but just Jon, returns home in November. He has been in jail for the past ten months. I won't go into any more detail than that. But at least I can stop worrying, and hopefully, he will get on with his life and head in a positive direction.

7. It's fall here. The heat wave is over. The mornings are crisp and cold. The afternoons are warm and breezy.

6. My oldest son turns 27 soon. Twenty. Seven. I also noticed that I'm meeting parents that were born the year I graduated from high school. Yeeikes.

5. Sweet Baboo uses his Starbucks card. A LOT. It gives him discounts, after all, over using any other form of payment for his quad-venti-nonfat-halzelnut-100-degree-latte. He uses it so much that twice a month he gets a coupon for a free drink, any drink, which he then gives to me. So at any given time, I have coupons for free drinks sitting in the side pocket in my car, and I can pull over and get my double-tall-nonfat-salted-carmel-100-degree-mocha. For free.

4. I'm trying the 2-week Special K challenge. I know, crash diets are ridiculous. I'm just doing it to make up for the two weeks of crappy eating the month before. Of course today I'm carb loading for the Bear Chase 50K on Sunday. Or something.

3. While in Seattle, we're hoping to be able to make it up to Grouse Mountain (thanks, Becks!) for a hike to the top (the Grouse Grind) and to do something called "ziplining" around the top.

2. I'll be ditching WW after this next week, once I've copied over all my favorite WW recipes. I wrote them a letter telling me why. They sent a fairly non-commital response. (Are you sure you checked the Frequently Asked Questions?) yes, I'm sure.

a) I bought four old WW cookbooks with the old points values in them online, at Amazon.
b) I downloaded three apps. iTrackBites - so far, so good; and GoMealsHD. I have to use the second to calculate the calories, fat, and fiber in my meals, and then I use the calculator in iTrackBites and record it. They don't say "points," because that would be a trademart violation, so they call them "bites". I am also loking at iWatchr.
c) I will have the AllrecipesPro app, which I adore. I'll be loading in recipes from the cookbooks into that, because it also calculates calories, fat, and fiber as well as allows you to do menu planning, in which it dumps all the ingredients for the meals you plan to make into a shopping list.

1. I'm also having some problems with depression lately. It comes and goes. Thankfully, I can run. When I run, it goes away. So does a Chinese super buffet. But that's another story.

...

2011-09-14T21:00:00.000-06:00

Baboo and Ian head to packet pickup.
Drop bags just ahead.

Dear Diary,

13. This past weekend I crewed himself at the Wasatch. I avoided cluttering my mind with details until we were on our way there, and then started studying The Book. The Book is a binder that Himself put together that had all our plans, information about each leg, driving instructions to each leg, his own pace charts, and information on what he might need at each aid station.

It also had the profiles for each leg in it, and Oh. My. God. Here’s the first three legs – the first 25 miles of this race:

Ian (on the left) is a veteran 100 miler.
And he still does them. He's sixty nine.
So, what's your excuse?

12. I did a few things differently in crewing this race.

After dark, I socialized less and napped more. I drove immediately toward each aid station, parked a half mile away, and set my alarm for 30 minutes ahead of his projected arrival time, and get an hour or two of sleep.

When my alarm went off, I’d drive to the aid station to see him. I almost missed him at Brighton, when he had really picked up the pace, but otherwise, this worked well. I didn't drive directly to the aid stations, because they are crowded as it is with people hanging out for hours, and because it's easier to nap in the dark without all the cowbells. This way I was fresher and more clear-headed.

On the way to Brighton Lodge during the day.
Just in case you thought it was flat.

So, essentially, I spent my weekend chatting, driving, napping, and eating a jar of Nutella that I had convinced myself I bought for him.

Shhhhhhh.

11. Himself finished in about 33 hours or so. I was told that 60 people dropped out of this small race, or about 25%.

10. I bought myself a cheap cowboy hat, which will go nicely with my red belt and red cowboy boots. Now I need a red hat band.

9. I enjoyed this race immensely, because it was more “ultra marathon-ish”.
Wasatch had about 200 racers in it, total, and well-behaved crews. It was easy to get to and from each aid station. People cooperated, and helped each other. You saw lots of the same people you see at other races. It’s a family. Like most ultras.

Leadville is an ultra that has become a circus full of people shouldering each other out of the way (not MY friends, obviously). Now that a large corporation has bought it, it’s noisy, crowded, full of large groups of spectators standing in the way of the crews and runners and generally being a nuisance. People were staking out large areas for their (one) runner and informing anyone, while glaring, that this was their space. I tried to set a good example by helping crews for new runners.
When informed that a space was "saved," I smiled brightly and said, “Well, we don't mind sharing!” And pointedly ignored their frustration. You simply do not get bitchy and territorial at ultras. It Isn’t Done.

In case you wondered, stuff like this
is why we do stuff like that.

8. For part of the time my companion was Ian, who picked up Sweet Baboo at mile 50 and paced him to the finish. Ian has done a whole bunch of these runs, and has been doing them for decades, including Western States. He knows everything. I asked lots of questions.

Facing East, just before sunrise. I was
listening to "Waking Up" by OneRepublic.

7. They had a very awesome tracking system that predicted arrival at the next aid station, and for the most part, it was dead on. It was incredibly helpful. I just had Sweet Baboo’s 3G ipad and used it to access the Internet in all but one aid station to predict when he would show up.

6. At the end of the trip, I had settled on my Next Big Thing. More on this later. Meanwhile, I'm reading "Relentless Forward Progress", the Kindle edition, if that's any clue. Another clue: it's in October 2012, in Arkansas, and will be part of my, “Thank fuck, graduate school is over” celebration.

5. I miss my mom. But on the other hand, I'm pretty sure that she would have tried to talk me out of some of the stuff I've done by now. Or maybe she would have just taken pictures. Or both. My mom was quirky that way.

Good morning, Wasatch.

4. This week at work, I found out that a court official, who is not a mental health clinician, did not agree with a diagnosis and treatment recommendation I made and is holding a grudge against me because I didn't give her the result she wanted me to give.

All together now: Big. Fucking. Deal.

As you might guess, I lost little sleep over that. In fact, I was all, "hey, I pissed off a JPO, don't I get a T-shirt or something?" For the record, JPOs and public defenders are usually on completely opposite sides of what they want. Nobody always gets what they want. What makes this so amazing is that this official, this "professional," is actually holding a grudge. Whatever.

Himself, when he was chilled at mile 75, and had to be
put in the warming tent.

3. Catching up on stuff you don't care about: I'm having good results on the work on my skin. Perhaps a little too good. It is the antithesis of dry at this point.

2. More stuff you don't care about. My project for September is to organize my pantry.

1. Himself wrote his race report, so I'll let him tell the story.

Why I'm Pissed at Weight Watchers

2011-09-12T07:19:00.001-06:00

...and what I'm doing about it.

Dear Diary,

I'm thinking of dumping weight watchers. It used to work so well for me; I stuck to the plan, and the pounds fell off. But then their patent expired on their Points calculation, so like a greedy pharmaceutical company they had to screw with it and make it 'new'. Now they have Points Plus, and neither the Sweet Baboo nor I have lost a pound since. WTF?

WHY did they have to screw with a good thing? Oh, wait, I know. Because the new Points Plus is essentially a patent extender. You don't even have the option of going back to the old system, even if you're a paying customer. and some of it doesn't make sense; according to WW fruit has NO CALORIES now, which is just crazy. Fruit is full of sugar! Yes, it's better to have fruit than a sweet roll, but for someone with a high intensity level, a calories IS just a calorie, and I was already good at making sure we had plenty of fiber.

I am thinking of just Sticking it out on my own, by collecting everything I can on the old Flex Points system.

1. So far, I have bought some of the older WW Cookbooks, used, at Amazon.

2. A journal and points calculating spreadsheet here: http://www.stellamama.com/MyWeightWatcherspoints.xls (but see number 4, below.)

3. An online calculator of how many points you're allowed.

4. I paid .99 for an app called Bites Tracker that lets me track things offline, using either Bites Classic or Bites Plus (bites meaning points here).

They're such asshats. But they have underestimated me. Not only am I Lazy, I am Cheap. Is this likely to be a lot of work? Probably, at first. But I figure it"s worth it. Once I've loaded all our favorite 'older' weight watchers recipes into AllRecipes Pro, then it will be easier.

Hell yes, I'll take your free stuff! Thursday 13

2011-09-05T16:23:00.001-06:00

Dear Diary,

13. It became September this week, and finally on the 5th we had a nice, cool day. I'm so stoked waiting for chilly mornings to go out running in.

12. On Saturday, I ran 18.5 miles, the longest road mileage that I've run since, well, MAY. I could not believe how much my legs hurt. I thought for sure that was it for the weekend, and I was saying, what the hell happened to my base?

11. For my Saturday run, I started out on just a simple 5 mile out-and-back that runs north-south, but you can see where I turned east and ran up certain streets about a half mile up, and then back, adding a mile each time. This added some more hilly stuff to my run, so that the profile looks like this:

So yes, it was hilly, and ow, my legs hurt. Plus, it was getting crazy hot. Like, gross hot. Gross as in, UGH, I'm GROSS. Don't look at me. Where's the shower? I spend the rest of the day tired and grumpy about how slow this had been. (12:47 moving pace)

10. Then on Sunday, I ran the Dam To Dam 10K. There's a guy here in town who has 5k and 10k races about monthly, and the procedes go to a youth running program. It was a bit hilly, and the wind was blowing fast and hard in your face as you ran uphill. Yay. I had to walk the uphills. I forgot my Garmin, so I had no idea how I was doing, I just whined and hated the wind the whole way. My time was 1:07, which isn't my best, but it's certainly not my worst, considering the day before.

9. Sunday, being as it was the first Sunday of the month, I fired up the crockpots, and oven, and made seven meals. Each meals feeds us twice, so that's fourteen meals I won't have to cook. Into the freezer they went. I used the app for Weight Watchers to do this, but if you don't do WW, you could use the AllRecipes Pro app too. If you don't do apps, I think the All Recipes website does the same thing. Both of them you pick recipes, add them to your file, and then ask them to add the ingredients to your shopping list. So, I picked about nine recipes and did that. WW doesn't do as good a job as AllRecipes does, but I use it anyway because it tells me how many points everything is. But AllRecipes combines the ingrdients, and WW doesn't. So you get a list that looks like this:

Black pepper, ground, 2 tsp.
Ground black pepper, 1 tsp.
Black pepper, 2 tbs.
Ground black pepper, 2 tbs.
Salt, 1 tsp.
Salt, 2 tbs.

and so on. Whereas with AllRecipes Pro, you get this:

Ground black pepper, 5 tbs.
Salt, 1.3 tbs.

8. I got an email from someone from Sony asking me if I want to test and review one of their mp3 players. More on this as it develops. Remember my motto, Hell yes, I'll take your free stuff.. I also got a request to preview and review a movie called, " my run". i think that movies is something I coukd related to, just because he's a middle-aged guy who takes up long distance running.

7. Labor Day, we labored. As in, Sweet Baboo cleaned out the garage (poor thing, he fantasizes about a nice, neat garage but between me and the kids, it's stayed pretty un-clean.

6. And, thanks to lots of help from Sweet Baboo, we are one step closer to my goal for 2010, which was to turn #2 bedroom into an exercise room.
Behold:

Right?

I'm all, take that, agoraphobia. Take THAT, crappy frigid winter days!

5. I know that there are a lot of mixed views on treadmill running, but the secret is to tip up the ramp just a little bit, which shortens your stride, and is easier on your shins. Also, ignore the "speed" showing on the display readout. It's meaningless. Just run as you feel.

I still remember fondly one winter where I went out into the garage and ran for 45 minutes to an hour while watching part of a chick flick several mornings in a row. I loved being able to the bathroom whenever I wanted. Memories!

Now I don't have to go into the garage.

The treadmill does fold up out of the way for a trainer, if I so desire (probably I won't.)

4. Monday I also put a bunch of stuff up for sale on Craig's list and Ebay, hydration belts, a weight bench, bike stand, and so on. Whatever doesn't sell I'm going to foist onto the grown children who live here in town.

DreadPirate and Me at Leadville 2011.

3. Thursday, I leave with Sweet Baboo to crew for him at Wasatch. He is doing the 100 miler out there. He showed me his profile of the race (OMG) and said, oh look, here's where you can pace me. The profile he showed me was horrifying enough without the added text ...small pebbles, much like running on ball bearings...baking hot...no, I told him, I will better serve you by crewing for you.

Besides. It's humiliating to have your ass kicked by someone who has already run 80 + miles.

2. Last night I went to a meeting of the planning for a new 50K in New Mexico: The Mount Taylor 50k, planned for October 2012. Coming soon.

1. I am going to be a pacer at the Duke City Marathon. I am going to do one of the slower pace groups. I was just complaining to Baboo last year that there are no pace groups for slower runnerrs, but I never realized that it was related to Boston Qualifying times. What about the folks that are just trying to beat the cutoff? I picked the 5:30 group, but I also told them that if they could't find someone for the 6 hour group, I'd do that too. That time is dear to my heart, as it was the first time I tried to beat at my first marathin in 2006. My time that day was 5;59:52. My PR for marathon is a 4:47 now, at sea level, on a cool cloudy day, on a flat course (wisconsin). Anyway, I am totally excited about this opportunity.

I am posting this from my ipad, on the road. Sorry for any formatting problems.

Mundane homebody stuff

2011-09-01T06:08:00.000-06:00

Dear Diary,

13. I decided to do a 50k in Washington State. It's near Puget Sound.
Sweet Baboo will be gone the entire month of November, and I've never been away from him that long. So, we're spending a week together in Seattle, a relaxing vaca, just the two of us...we have not taken a vaca, more than a weekend together, just the two of us, in over four years. I've never been there. It's the birthplace of Starbucks, you know. And REI.

Seattle is like Mecca for coffee drinkers. Except that we don't face west; we just do a face plant in a cup of coffee. And many of us do it five times a day.

12. The 50k is the Defiance 50k. It will give me my Washington marathon.

11. While Sweet Baboo is in San Antonio, I will be making a brief trip there. Just so happens there is a Rock'n'Roll marathon there in November. We got married in San Antonio. Ma Baboo lives there.

10. I went for a run saturday. It felt like shit. By mile 8, my lower legs ached like I had just ran a marathon. I don't know why that would be. I am taking a lot of antibiotics, ordered by the dentist oral surgeon. Maybe that has something to do with it. Then Sunday I ran 16.5 miles, until it just got too hot to run.

9. I am finding myself drawn more and more to youths and young adults with high-functioning autism. Moreover, there is a dearth of practioners who work with these folks in this area. It's just something I'm investigating right now. More on this as it developes.

8. My project this year is to fix my skin. I have abused it so. I bought a reallly good starter kit from a local aesthetician but I've discovered that the products themselves arre not what is working so well, it's that I'm using them, faithfully, and in a particular order. I found similar products at Sally's Beauty Supply. It's the best place for someone like me, who is cheap AND vain.

7. So, I am researching such things as glycolic acid, lactic acid, salicilic acid, hydroquinone, and the like. Reading FDA and other things. I got a kindle copy of "The Beauty Bible" and am doing reasearch.

6. Along with fixing my skin comes avoiding the sun, at least this summer. So, I've getting up at dawn, to do 6 to 10 mile runs. Sunday, I got up at 4, to do a 20 mile run.

5. I grilled a heeyooge steak this weekend from a local meat market. I split it with Baboo, and the dog got the bone. The dog then ignored me for the rest of the night as this was the first steak bqone she's ever had. Baboo, however, did not. Lurking under this vegan exterior, unknown to him, was someone who could could cook a serious piece of meat.
Yes, it's true.
I am the grill whisperer.

We bought a little kettle grill a couple weeks ago. It's taken a while to get used to using one again, but here I am. Last month, I just thawed out several large packages of meat and fish grilled them all. It seemed like a bad idea to let those coals go to waste. So then I froze stuff in waxed paper and ziplock bags. Then, for the rest of the month, I would occasionally take out some grilled something and heat it in the microwave. I think I may do this for the rest of my life. I don't know why I love grilled things as much as I do, but I do.

4. I'm also doing something called the Bear Chase 50k in September.

3. Watched three interesting movies this weekend, "Snowcake" "The Pledge," and "Perfum, The Story of a Murderer". Both weird, in their own way. Both interesting, on their own way. Two had Alan Rickman in them, playing very different parts.

2. I take fish oil capsules every day. Today I was so busy reading email I forgot to swallow one of them, and then bit down on it. TRUST ME, DO NOT DO THIS. Just swallow them. Bleh. Ptooey.

1. I now know that I cannot take Amoxicillin, she said, scratching her knee. And her hand. And her back.

...

My wish list include parts of me that don't come off.

2011-08-25T19:56:00.000-06:00

Dear Diary,

With respect to the portrait I posted last time. I used an online picture transformer that's here. I think it just so happens that the "Modigliani" filter happens to be very close to my own long face, long nose, and narrow chin.

Anyway. The ~~dentist~~ oral surgeon and I talked about dental implants. He showed me one of them. These don't set off metal detectors, making them perfect for tiny small suicide mouth bombs. They are non reactive titanium, same as hip replacements.

They sink that sucker right down
into the bone.

I have to wait 4-6 months for the jaw bone under pulled teeth to heal, and then they implant the post. Then they wait a month or two to seat the crown. This is actually good for me because it spreads out the whole cost thing. Now, the top/crown (tooth) of the implant is interchangeable, and can be popped off and on, and so if a tooth nearby goes bad, it can be altered to form a bridge. In other words, you don't have to replace each and every tooth with an implant, if several in a row are missing.

Having a tooth implant encourages jaw strength, because only direct bearing weight keeps bone dense. I found out that after teeth have been pulled, the bone begins to atrophy.

For now I'll be getting two implants on top, which will be easy because those teeth have just been recently pulled, so there's still plenty of bone there.

I'm interested in this implant thing on my lower jaw, though, even after having been told that a bone graft on my lower jaw would be necessary, given that those teeth were pulled a long time ago. A tooth replacement to me is much more attractive than wearing partials. I had been waiting for the technology to be perfected, and one dentist who doesn't sell them, smiled and said, "stop waiting."

They can make two crowns with a third
tooth attached as a permanant "bridge"

So I am. I will. I've gone without teeth in my lower jaw for over 15 years, and I'm ready to move on. I've avoided this, well, because it's crazy expensive, and I hate spending that much money on something that most people won't notice.

Then again, I like to think I have another 30 years of chewing, at least, in front of me. I'd like to be able to enjoy it. It would be difficult to do long, long runs with bridges and partials in all the time. If they stayed put, we wouldn't see the constant barrage of commercials for gummy substances designed to try to keep them in place. Ultramarathoning is enough of a pain in the ass with contact lenses, much less teeth that move around. And I fully intend to be one of those ladies in their 70s shuffling across finish lines while kids say, "your grandmother is so cool."

My body part wish list also includes laser corrective surgery for my nearsightedness. I'm waiting until I'm 50 for that one, for various reasons.

Oh, and having my toenails removed.

But that's another story.

...

I, like House MD, appreciate a fine vintage of Percocet

2011-08-24T19:24:00.002-06:00

Dear Diary,

After yesterday's telephone call, I was at the ~~denist~~ oral surgeon's office bright and early.
And hungry.
and dehydrated.
And nervous.

It was decided that today, he would pull just one tooth.

In the chair, I got the needle. I also got pain that I have never had before.

For future reference: a few things have ever made me yell:
--breaking my arm
--a healthy chunk of wasabe
--childbirth
--stepping on a large roofing nail
--a large 12 guage needle directly stuck into a nerve in my mouth

A fantasy. The oral sugeon
is on the right.

Holy fuck, that hurt. I yelled, and I don't yell often. He seemed startled at my response. The needle went into my gum, then another place in my gum, and into the roof of my mouth.

(Are you enjoying this? Neither did I.) "I should have gotten some xanax," I thought darkly.

I sat for a while, ostensibly to allow it to numb...instead, I briefly went numb, and then it quickly wore off. This has been a problem in the past; one dentist suggested my metabolism was to blame. Another suggested that my nerves weren't exactly where most people's were.

Turns out it's probably a combination of both, but this dentist now knows: novacain does not work for me. Something called "Narcain" does. No, I don't want to know the origins of the Nar- prefix.

Of course, it took several more needle sticks before that was clear.

While we were waiting for numbing to take hold, the denstist started talking about a minor complication. Normally, in order to extract the tooth he would leverage off nearby healthy teeth. However, my nearby teeth were crowned. So instead, he would be inserting a small instrument into the tooth, and "tapping" it "along the length" of the tooth to "loosen it" in the socket.

"tapping?"

"yep".

I'm a therapist. I force people to be concrete. So I asked him, "is tapping a euphemism for banging on my tooth with a maul and mallet?"

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!

He laughed. "Well, it's a small hammer, actually."

Oh, a hammer. I so want to know that someone is hitting something in my mouth with a hammer.

And it wasn't a tap, either. It was about a half dozen hits.
I'm surprised I don't have a concussion.

But the tooth is out.

And I have percocet.

One down, three to go.

...

The Dental Work Begins.

2011-08-23T21:52:00.006-06:00

Dear Diary,

Last week I went to see Denist #2, and endodontist, last week. Dentist #2 took the time to numb me up with a heeyooge needle before saying that he could not save the three teeth that had planned root canals. After dentist #2 said this, he said that I needed to have them pulled and get dental implants. I went back to dentist #1, who then referred me to dentist #3: an oral surgeon

Pros: no root canals, which are expensive. Painful.
Cons: implants. Otherwise known as IMPLANT$.

Dentist #3 could not see me until September 20th for a consult...and I started hurting after my recent weekend in Leadville. So, I called dentist #1 and said, I need to see someone sooner, because my teeth are hurting now. So his office set me up with dentist #4 for Wednesday morning.

My plan was to get the consult, set up a time for the extraction, and then go to work. I decided I would have the teeth pulled on a Thursday, because I won't be allowed to run for 48 hours after a triple tooth extraction. I don't run on fridays. Right? Right. So, I would take a day off work and stock up on protein shakes, since you can't suck anything through a straw and I won't want to chew for at least a day.

You know, I feel much better when my world is carefully planned. I don't like surprises. I avoid them whenever possible. I like my world carefully and tightly controlled so that it happens just the way I expect it to. Work can be crazy and unpredictable, and that's okay. But outside of work: predictability. I like things to be within my control.

Having told you this, you know that they won't be.

So obviously, I got a call at work.

Hello, is this Misty?
Speaking.
I'm just calling to confirm your appointment for tomorrow.
Right.
Be sure to bring your x-rays.
Got it.
And a referral letter that you have from your dentist.
I think he faxed it to you.
Good. And remember--no eating or drinking after midnight tonight.
Yep. Wait. What?
And be sure to bring someone to escort you home.
Escort me home? No. Wait. What? I run in the mornings. And I can't have even water?
Nope.
Why?
Because of the anesthesia.
The...the what? I thought this was a consult?
Oh no. If he decides the tooth--
teeth.
--need to be pulled, then he'll do that right then.
Really?
Really. See you tomorrow at 8! She said this just a bit too brightly, before hanging up.

SOOO, The rest of the day was spent rescheduling face-to-face meetings since my mouth may be full of bloody wadding all day and yes, am going to work because I did not plan this and don't have it off. So here's the new plan: I will be locked in my office all day with a warning sign on the door.

WAS AT THE DENTIST THIS MORNING.

KNOCK AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

Meanwhile.

I'm having some wine, cheese and crackers right now, since this might be the last thing I eat for about 24 hours.

Yay.

Stay tuned...

...

Of bunnies and blown quads. Thursday 13.

2011-08-18T20:31:00.001-06:00

Dear Diary,

13. Saturday, I did this run. And yes, it sucked as much as you might think. However, I did not suffer as much as I might have a year ago. I seem to be getting used to altitude. The last mile was basically climbing stairs, for a mile, over about 800 feet, starting over 11,000 feet.
And then...trying not to fall down on the descent.
I was not first. And despite starting last, I did not fimish last.

12. On trail runs, I love watching the youngsters and first timers bolt when that gun goes off. Basically, the older runners step aside and let them rush past, then offer quiet encouragement later, much later, when the course has taken its toll and they are passing them.

11. It is absolutely true that you can do more than you think you can. No where is this more true than when you are mosying down a mountain a hear a loud, deep crack of thunder, practically in your ear.

10. And by the way, having blown quads is just like having a blown tire. Other than you can't call AAA or just show some leg and get a stranger to change it out for you. And you feel like you might falll down the mountain at any second. But other than that, they're just alike.

9. Sunday, I ran the Rio Grand Half Marathon. I was good for the first eight or so miles, and then the prior day's steep descent and it's effect on my quads began to speak to me.
Eventually I just couldn't lift my legs as effectively as i had. It wasn't my slowest time. It wasn't my fastest time
2:20 or 2:21, for this course.

Found this when looking for information about caring
for rabbits. Wrong. So wrong.

8. On sunday Chloe the Wunderdawg cornered a rabbit in the yard. This wasn't exactly a feat: it turns out this is a completely domesticated bunny. It's small, soft, allowed me to pick it up. Definitely not going to last long out there: it is dark black in the high desert and there are hawks: big, hungry hawks. And owls. And coyotes. No, I just had to cut this bunny's camping adventure short. MIND YOU, I AM STILL A HARD ASS.
But I cannot abide a soft furry creature with an adorable twitchy nose being someone's evening meal.

7. I gave s/he a couple of nuggets of cat food, which s/he vacumed up rapidly, but then I realized that bunnies are herbivores and cats are not, and for all I know, there might even be some rabbits in that food, which is just wrong, so wrong.
So, I googled. AND. Apparently, they'll eat just about any leafy thing. So this week I have played the game: "what else will the bunny eat?" the Hollyhock leaves where VERY well received, as were the geranium leaves. Topping the list is apples, which we have a ton of, thanks to the apple tree in the yard. Also, the little plants that grow from the millet the birds don't eat, and chocolate mint. Not liked: basil, and wisteria leaves.
S/he shits like crazy. It's not messy, just little tiny shit balls. The first day or so, I think she must have been starving or something. And then about the third day after I brought her in: constant little shitballs, which I clean up daily. It's easy enough. Just has to be cleaned daily. For now, she lives in the guest room bathtub.

6. I don't plan to keep s/him indefinitely, but as s/he will eat stuff from the yard (no, i do not use chemicals on the grass) it's easy enough to keep for now. For now, I call shim "The Bunster."

5. Holy crap, my legs hurt on Monday. And, they hurt on TUESDAY. I did not run Tuesday. I did not run Wednesday. I slept in, and then woke up, blinking, 30 minutes before it was time for me to leave for work. I mosy'd into work this week.

4. Monday, I thought about relaxing with a nice glass of wine. Then "Interevention" on A&E featured a show about a raging alcoholic, and well, it just felt awkward. So I saved it for tuesday. And Wednesday.

3. Today I had a root canal scheduled. I first talked about my bad teeth a couple months back, and if you're just tuning in, no, I am not on meth. (If I was, I would be WAYYYY faster. Don't think I haven't considered it.)
The doc went to the trouble of completely numbing my mouth with one of those enormous, large-guage needles, and then said, oh, gosh, this tooth can't be saved. No charge, but I drooled for the rest of the afternoon. Meanwhile, I am planning three extractions, a couple of implants, and partials.

2. Okay, this is by far the most important and incredible thing that has happened all year: I had a maid service come clean my house today. Oh. My. God. I tried another maid service, and I was all, meh, but these guys from Eco Maids: Oh. My. God. They cleaned things that I never clean Because remember, I. Am. Lazy. I could get totally hooked on this. I"m already planning on what I can sell to have these guys out at least once a month.

1. Tomorrow, the Sweet Baboo and I head out to Leadville, where he is pacing a friend of ours. I may hang out at the May Queen aid station before dawn and offer to be a pacer for anyone who needs one that doesn't run faster than 11-12 minute miles. We'll see.

...

Banal, ordinary snippets on being lazy and gluttonous.

2011-08-11T18:07:00.001-06:00

Dear Diary,

One of the pictures that someone else took of the La Luz trail run
I did this past Sunday.

13. Himself the Baboo is doing oct training in San Antonio during the MONTH of November. I have never been away from him for that long before.

12. That is, by the way, the reason I am signed up for the R&R San Antonio marathon. Some people check out the coffee shop when they teavel. I check out the marathons.

11. I am considering (just considering, mind you) attempting my first 100 miler at the end of February, here.
(picture of buckle added for JoJaJogger)

10. My favorite work collegue and lunch partner is gorgeous. She likes to stay fit, and looks much younger than she is. She goes to the gym most days of the week. She is single, and would like to meet someone, she says, but the men her age are not only paunchy, but "seem" old. Meanwhile, the only men who approach her are 25-year-olds.
After I finished rolling my eyes at her "problem" I suggested that she hang out at some of the events I go to. "no paunchy guys there," I told her. She's not convinced. I think she thinks ling distance runners are freaks. I'll work on her.

9. I am now a firm believer in the Sunday marathin cooking and freezing routine. I have two crock pots running, usually, and when tney cool I bag and freeze the results. But I don't label them, because that would involve searching for a Sharpie and remember I. Am lazy. Soooo...Dinner is, um...dinner is whatever is in the quart ziplock bag I just took out of the freezer. I just grab whatever frozen bag is on top, thaw it out, and then decide what to do with it.

8. Moreover, I have discovered you and do pretty much anything with a generic mixture of tomatoes, chicken, chiles, and onions. Pour it over noodles and call it Italian. Layer it with corn tortillas, beans, and some cheese and call it enchiladas. Add curry, and pour it over rice. These are the ways I save time for running.

7. I am going to be so happy when the Final Destination 5 movie comes out! BECAUSE I'M really pretty damned sick of the commercials.

6. As of this morning, of the 3000 face-to-face client hours I am required to have before applying for my independent license, I have 13 left. THIRT. EEN. next up: a crazy hard licensing exam.

LUNCH:
It's what's for breakfast.

5. This has been one of THOSE WEEKS. You know the ones...most days, you've eaten your lunch by 9:30 and you spend the rest of the day prowling the halls at work looking for donuts. No? OK, maybe just me then.

4. No matter jow long I work where I work it's still jarring to hear a 4' tall 6-year-old saying, in his very sweet, high-pitched voice:
I DON'T FUCKING CARE!
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!
or, the ever popular FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKERS!

Yes, children are the future you know. Working with them is SOOO rewarding.

3. Sometimes when I run in the morning, I run past elderly men or couples, dottering along, and I wonder what they think.

(Actually, it's a diet Mountain Dew)

2. My lazy lunches this week: can each of reduced fat cream of chicken and celery soups, three chicken breasts cut into pieces, a bag of frozen veggies (I like the normandy mix). Throw it all in the crock pot. Cook on high 3-4 hours or whenever it seems to be done. I stir about halfway though.

Divide about 1/4 cup of brown rice between five containers and ladle this stuff on top.

1. This week I was looking for a quilt hanger. Sweet Baboo and I have a quilt that his grandmother made, very pretty, and I want to hang it up.
When you look for stuff on Amazon, Amazon makes suggestions for what other people bought this product also bought....

Here are my suggestions from Amazon:

Hiking 'The Light' - Race Report

2011-08-07T13:51:00.003-06:00

Dear Diary,

Today I participated in the La Luz (Spanish for, "The Light") Trail Run (for me: trail hike). There is a Wikipedia entry for the La Luz trail here. I have stolen various photos and posted them throughout. Ignore the ones with snow. There was no snow. It's August. Anyway. This race was declared one of the twelve most grueling races in North America.

This is the 46th running of the LLTR. That means that the first running was held when I was 5 months' old. I figure that also makes it one of the older trail races in NA. Participants are selected by lottery, because it is held in US Forest Service Land, and limited to 400 participants.

Once you hiked La Luz, you get the feeling that this is a race that was put together as a result of some trail runners hanging out and drinking beer, daring each other to do some crazy shit. Did I mention that the start is around 6200 feet altitude, and the top is around 10,400 feet? Yes, that's right. There is nearly a mile of vertical gain. It's a trail that many of the locals aspire to ascend, but it is noteworthy that about a mile up the trail, where there is a post, the trail suddenly becomes slightly less traveled.

I was not expecting to do well today. Last year I hiked this trail with Eldest Son, and it took me five hours, I think. By the time I got to the top, my nails were gray and I had to stop and breathe many, many times. I was gasping for air. Also, I hiked most of this last week, and by the time I got to the other side of the rockfall (more on this later) I had already used up 3 hours.

As I had no intention of running, my realistic goal was 3:30.
My fantasy goal was 3 hours for the entire 9 mile race.

Sweet Baboo, by the way, finished in 2:09. Because he's a freak. And a bit of a stud. I can't for the life of me figure out how he can haul 200 lbs up the side of a mountain in that amount of time.

The first 1.8 or so miles is on road, and starts just about 3/4 of a mile off Tramway in Albuquerque. The rest of the run, about 7.2 miles, is all La Luz, baby. There are aid stations at the trailhead, and two or three more (I can't remember) on the way up. They are manned by boy scouts. I got water. I don't know if they had anything else there. I was carrying a pack, by the way, with about 60 ounces of water in it, and my watch chimed about every 6 minutes reminding me to drink. I also drank at least a cup of water at every aid station - I still ran out of water about mile 8.

The race director forbade ipods, but I noticed several people wearing them. I guess I did not know these rules were optional. I didn't bring mine, and I'm beginning to wonder if this might have been part of the reason I did as well as I did.

Now, you can get a pretty good pace in - mine was about 16 minute miles for the first 6 or so miles, occasionally trotting down some flats and downhills, although there weren't many of these, until you get to the rockfall.

Ah, the rockfall.
What can I say about the rockfall on the La Luz? Sometime in the past, there was a major landslide of pink granite angular boulders down the side of the mountain. The trail cuts back and forth over this rock slide, which is narrow at the bottom and wider at the top, four or five times. What we in New Mexico lack in altitude, we make up for in annoyances. I passed one woman who had already turned her ankle before getting to the main rockslide, and as she was stepping gingerly over a rocky part of the trail, she asked me if "this" was the rock slide.

I pointed across the canyon, where a line of people were traveling up the switchbacks across the rockfall. "No, that's the rockfall," I informed her.

"Oh.

My.
God."

was what she said.

NOT what is on most of the rockfall.

The picture above makes it look like a handy little trail has been carved through the rockslide, but it lies. IT LIES! In most places, the "trail" is actually walking up and over the pile of angular boulders. So, you watch as your Garmin tracks your traveling pace, and your average pace creeps up...up...up.

To make matters more complicated, although most of the boulders are well situated in their spots, some are not. You don't know when you'll step on one that will move. NOT a great place to go if you've already turned your ankle.

You'll be stepping over this after
mile 6. A lot.

After about mile 7.5ish, much of the rockfall is done, and you're all happy. You're in the shade. There's only 1.5 miles to go, right? Who can't go 1.5 miles? This is where things get really bad - over the next 1.5 miles the trail will ascend about 400 feet. It's especially steep here.

After mile 8, you're gasping for air, but you know you're almost done and you feel pretty cheerful.

Until, that is, you see this:

at this point, if you're like me, you're already sucking serious wind, and you're like, STAIRS? REALLY? You you shake your head to clear it of the evil mirage before you, and it doesn't clear, you realize the truth: there is, indeed, a very steep flight of stairs in the middle of this rugged trail. Because, God hates you.

The man in front of me went up the stairs on hands and feet.

I followed, gripping the rail like grim death.

By now you're getting closer, or you assume you are, because many, many spry people are bounding back down the trail past you, calling out, you're almost there! It's just around the corner! And you resist the urge to trip them and then eventually, it is there. You're done. You get your finisher's shirt, which is only given to people who are wearing bib numbers and cross the finish line.

And then there's a burrito and some green chile stew.

And then you ride the tram back down, which is cool.

Oh, did I mention my time? It was 2:56ish. For the first time ever, I beat my fantasy time.
BOOYAH!

Take that, VA.

...

New, improved! The Race Report, now drama-free.

2011-08-06T13:43:00.006-06:00

Dear Diary,

Today, I ran the Socorro Chile Harvest Triathlon today, for the 6th time. So here are my stats so far for this little sprint (400 m pool swim, 12 mile bike, 5k run).
2006: 1:38 Total. Swim 9:38; Bike, 47:32; Run, 37:38 No place.

2007: 1:36 Total. Swim 6:40; Bike, 53:20; Run, 34:00 3rd place Athena (different venue)

2008: 1:35 Total. Swim, 9:27 Bike, 47:23; Run, 34:31 3rd place Athena

2009: 1:45 Total. Swim 10:12 Bike 55:43, Run, 35:19, No place.

2010: 1:49 Total. Swim 9:59, Bike 1:03, Run 31:48, No place.

I know, right? I mean it's like: she got slower. How did she get slower? Well, it should be pointed out that as I've mentioned several times, both in 2009 and 2010 I managed to ride with my brakes fully engaged throughout almost the entire 12 mile ride.

This race managed to seem even more well-run this year. I got there earlier than I usually do, which was awesome because it gave me a chance to futz around and fiddle with my transition area, say hi to people, etc. It was a seeded swim start, and they somehow had it set up so that when you came back to transition your area would not be crowded. Don't know how they did that, but it was planned that way. I was #209, and we went into the water in order of bib number.

It seemed less crowded this year. I went into the water about 7:37. I decided to relax and focus on my stroke. Everything seemed to go well this year, including that I didn't have to look at Mr. Junk - I passed a couple of people, and came out of the water at about 9:10 according to Garmin. (2:15 /100 m. pace)

I love the way Garmin tracks swimming. It can't really track when it's underwater, so you're actually supposed to wear it in your swim cap, but I didn't have a swim cap, so I just wore it on my wrist, and the result was this:

I know, right? I mean, I was apparently just swimming all over the place. And, the swim was hilly.

In T1, I stomped on my towel and thrust my feet into my bike shoes - I never wear socks in sprint triathlons - and grabbed the rest of my stuff and took off. The bike was just as tough as always. I get passed by lots of people who swim slowly but are much better on the bike than I am. It goes up an alluvial plane toward a mountain, crosses in front of it, and then turns around and heads back down. Obviously, the way back is much more fun.

AND, THIS YEAR, THIS YEAR - I rode without my brakes on Woot! And let me tell you, it is so much easier that way. Garmin says my bike was 45:17, my best time ever. Avg. speed, 16 mph.

In T1, I switched to run flats, again without socks, and grabbed my hat, race belt, bottle of cold, cold sports drink (which I had kept in ice), slurped down an e-gel, and grabbed my iced-bandana. The drink and the bandana were in a small portable cooler full of ice.
The run wasn't as hot as usual - there was a slight cloud cover, just enough to keep the really hottest part of the sun off us, and I felt pretty good (probably because I didn't ride with my brakes on). My legs were pretty good since I didn't spend an hour riding with my brakes on: My 5k time time according to Garmin was 31:06, average pace just over 10 minutes per mile. I started out slowly at about a 10:30 pace, so I must have negative splitted it.

I raced as an age grouper and finished 14/21, so I didn't place, but my total time was 1:32, my best time ever at this little race, so I was happy. My goal is to break 1:30 next year.

So that's it. No drama, no sob stories, nothing entertaining, nothing to see here. Move along, now...

...

Self-pity days are what your union fought for.

2011-08-04T08:11:00.001-06:00

Dear Diary,

13. So I guess I'm doing a triathlon on Saturday. I was actually feeling pretty good about not having a ride to the Chile Harvest triathlon this weekend. Outwardly I was all, well darn it, I guess I'll have to miss it. And inwardly, looking forward to A Day of Sloth, as well as not humiliating myself in front of hundreds, given that
A) I haven't been in a pool during 2011, and
B) I have been on a bike once, and I've ridden 10 miles total, on a flat bike path, during 2011.

Police were posted at all trailheads, including this one near
my house.

The Chile Harvest triathlon, you may recall, is the scene where, two years running now, I have done the bike portion WITH MY BRAKES ON and then struggled on the run which, I might add, occurs in temperatures upwards of 90 degrees. It's the state team championship. All the New Mexico Outlaws, the multi-sport team of which I am a member, go in full Outlaws regalia.

So, but, then I made the mistake of posting publicly on the New Mexico Outlaws message board that I wasn't going to be attending because my ride (Captain Baboo) has guard duty that weekend. No sooner had I done that then the club president, herself Dreadpirate Rackham, emailed me at work and said basically, oh no you don't missy and added some other stuff I can't quite remember. "Your complacent ass" was in there; I remember that.

In the very center of the picture at top is some tall TV
antennas. Can't see them? That's how high
it is. And THAT'S where the finish line is.

12. Then, the next day, at 6 am. I'll be doing a foot race that goes from around 6200 feet up to 10,400 feet over 9 miles..."race" being a very loosely used term here, but after all, you get that "finisher" shirt at the finish whether you're first or last. They do not allow earphones, given that it's a fairly narrow trail up the mountain, so I guess I'll sing to myself to keep me company. That'll also keep the bears away. Trust me you haven't heard me sing. Win-win.

Blonde. With an E.

What makes this race even more interesting (other than the ass-busting altitude climb and the fact that I get all drama queen with gray-blue fingernails and gasping at high altitude) is that I didn't have much of a chance to do a lot of practicing on La Luz this year, owing to the fact that for a sizable chunk of my training period the trails were all closed (see picture, above) and THANK GOODNESS they opened them up just in time for me to humiliate myself TWICE in one weekend.

11. Wednesday, I
took a SELF-PITY day (it's in your human resources manual. Go check) and went and spent Groupons.

9. I also decided to be a blonde again. That's BLONDE. With an e. Because I'm worth it. And yes, I used a Groupon.

8. I will be meeting the head of behavioral health for a local hospital soon to discuss my new internship placement. A bit more about it: It is in a local hospital. Both of our largest hospitals here have acute psychiatric wards, which is where you go if it is determined that you, due to a mental disorder, are an immediate danger to yourself or others.
Note: Acute psychiatric wards are not for you to threaten your teenager with or to take your kid to because she throws temper tantrums. They will be sent home, and you will have lost ground in the war against bad behavior.

As you well know, I lurves me some crazy people. We'll see if that holds up after 9 months spending two days a week in an acute psychiatric ward.

7. Wednesday's Pity Party slothful day of indulgence, courtesy of Groupon, was fab. Got my nails done, got my toenails done (I pretended to be asleep to avoid the inevitable questions about missing or half-grown-in toenails). I got a massage. Then I ate cake. YES, CAKE. I'VE HAD A TOUGH COUPLE OF WEEKS.

One of the pairs I bought.

6. I also bought some shoes on Ebay, so, I'm all healed now. And yes, I am that easy. If you're a man, you don't want someone more complicated than that. If you're a woman, you don't want to be more complicated than that. I like to stick to the same thing, over and over and over. For work shoes, I like Aerosoles, Clarks, and Indigo by Clarks. For fun shoes, I like Naughty Monkey.

And no, they aren't wedges. I think wedges are ugly. I don't care who that offends. They're frankenshoes. So there.

5. Text message from Daughter:
I had to block [roommate] from facebook.
She has decided to hate me this week.

Hmm. What to reply?
What'd you do - eat all her food?
Have you run her her long distance bill yet?
Is she sick of cleaning up after you yet?

In the end, I went with Oh, my, girl drama. Hope it all works out.

Taken in our back yard about two weeks ago.

4. It is officially "Monsoon Season" in New Mexico. I talk about this every year, but here it is again: Monsoon season is a time during the year when, in the afternoons, the sky fills with dark, threatening clouds. The wind blows, sometimes lightening starts fires up on the mountain, and there is a hell of a lot of noise that scares the shit out of my dog.
Sometimes it rains.

3. In the past two days, I've slept about 18 hours. That's so not like me. I feel like I could sleep more. I suspect a creeping depressive reaction to the VA debacle. Maybe not.

2. I'm really pissed that one of my Italian cypress trees out front apparently took a serious hit this past winter and has dead spots on it. I always wanted some of these, and now I have them, and now it has dead spots. I know that's a very minor thing to complain about, but it annoys the hell out of me.

1. Sweet Baboo feeds birds. We spend a third-world family's annual salary on bird seed. We have about a 1/3 of an acre, so there's lot of birds. We also have a large pond. Most of them are natives - mourning doves, finches, quail, and so on. Anyway. Some of them are pigeons. At any given time, there is a large number of birds at the north end of our back yard, pecking away at the ground, looking for some of that seed.
The end result is this: in addition to all the other things that are cool about the Dream House, whenever I walk into the back yard - either from the driveway coming home or from the house, leaving - a large flock of birds rises in a mass ascension in a cloud of wings, and the end result is that every day I feel like I'm in my very own romantic movie set in Italy - you the know the scene where they run through the square, hand-in-hand, disrupting a flock of birds. EIther that or Mary Tyler Moore. Either way, it's kinda cool.

...

Sweat it out, or laugh it off.

2011-07-28T21:38:00.000-06:00

Dear Diary,
I spent most of last week warding off the inevitable blues that strike when bad things happen. I did this partly by focusing on good stuff.

13. For instance, Princess was dropped off by her mom (me) at her new dwelling. I drove her and her things and tried not to leave skid marks as I backed out of the driveway.
Happy points: +2.

12. Himself the Baboo and I threw open the doors and acted like grownups. Grownups without nosy houseguests. We went to Costco and re-stocked up on all the things that Pricess had helped herself to.
Happy points:+3

11. Coincidentally, at the same time that herself left, the oppressive heat lifted. It rained nearly every day. Access to the trails was open again. Like a curse had been lifted. Yes, I am melodramatic, why do you ask? Happy points, +3

10. So Sunday, I hiked up La Luz, and did it faster that last year, but it still took me much longer than I thought it would. I estimate it will take as much as 3.5 hours. It's 10 miles, and it rises from 6200 feet above sea level to 10800 I sweated like crazy and smelled pretty bad when I was done...I think it makes me feel better to do that, because I'm like, HA! Take that, stupid VA....I can climb a mountain. AND, I found out that the La Luz cutoff is 5 hours. Happy points +2

9. This weekend, Ima start a groupon week.
Saturday, hair, lunch.
Wednesday, body, feet, nails, lunch
Just what I need. Take that, VA!!
Happy points: tbd

8. Each week at work seems to have a theme. This week's theme was BAD PARENTS. One parent told me that the length of time it might take to treat her kid "just wouldn't work for her." Another no-showed, then tried to come 40 minutes late to the second appointment, then demanded someone see her when she was told she'd missed her appointment (denied) Another mother complained to me that her teenage son, who has low BMI, "eats too much".
I know it can be shocking, the amount of food they eat, i said soothingly. Then she complained about other developmentally normal behaviors of teenage boys...I'll leave you to imagine what those might be.

Whatever.
Anway: Distraction points, 10

7. I have been reading every article on tips and tricks and hints about the iPad so that I will be a power iPad user user..ser...ser. It does one really good thing for me; it forces me not to multitask. That is something badly needed.
Happy points: +1

6. I have noticed that the nicest, most expensive hotels charge for wi-fi, up to $15 per day in some places. Really Albuquerque Hilton? Are you really going to milk that cow for all its worth? I'll pick Best Western or Holiday Inn, thanks. And you can keep trying to figure out why business is falling off. Happy points, -2

5. I discovered #6 when I went to a psychopharmacology seminar on Thursday - oh, hell, that's today. They had no tables for us to sit at. I had to claim the empty chair next to me for all my snacks, drinks, and other stuff. And then I had to pay AND DON'T TELL ME NOBODY FORCED YOU TO PAY FOR WIFI, MISTY since I was not a guest of the hotel, I was not going to ask about a microwave, so I ate my food cold. Happy points, -2
But, the speaker was good, and interesting, and funny, and I enjoy the topic. If I wasn't 46, I would so totally go to medical school and study psychiatry. Happy points, +2

But, the the hotel was full of teenagers, and I sat outside during lunch and smellled the smoke and watched them work their way toward emphysema. Happy points, -3

4. Wednesday night I ran with Baboo. With Baboo (mistake #1) and on a full stomach, too (mistake #2). still, I got in another 3 miles before it got dark. Happy points, +2

3. Interesting articles here and here. Comments welcome. Happy points: +0

2. I used to mock pre-cooked, packaged bacon. Of course, my eating is way out of control again. But about the pre-cooked bacon: Now I totally get it. Happy points: +3

1. In the end, though, I don't know where my future is, professionally. I used to have this very clear picture in front of me, this vision of my future. Now there's just a blank.
I'm so pissed at the people who took away my vision.
I'm so angry that I have to start all over, making a new picture, with that uncertain, unknown future.

Well, what the hell. I guess I've done that before.

Happy points earned this week: 10. I think. That's 10 more than I started with.

...

Angry tears and happy tears: Thursday 13.

2011-07-21T19:46:00.005-06:00

Dear Diary,
It's been a bit of an up and down week.

13. Princess found herself a part-time job and was not interested in getting another job, and why should she? She had a very nice guest room, fully furnished, and cable, wi-fi, food, etc. With her part-time income, she was inelligiible for most apartments.

I was in despair.

12. I finally became proactive, because the best way to get out of feeling depressed and helpless is to do something. I found her a room. She is paying half the rent in a very small house with generous access to buses. She will have to buy herself towels, linens, plasticware, food, cable, wi-fi...
Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out, Princess! Oh, and if things don't work out, here's a brochure for Joy Junction.

11. Sunday, I slept a full night. I was four pounds down. I ran 13 miles when i got up in the morning. I ran this elevation profile, on trails and roads, and I did it in 2:48, faster than my first half marathon. My first half back in 2006, was almost completely flat and/or downhill.

10. Sunday night, I did a local 10K. It was 94 degrees out. I did a 10K a few weeks ago, on the same course, in the same temperature, at the same time of day, after running 10 miles, running the entire time, in 1:15. This time, I decided to "Galloway" it, and I did this one was 1:09:42, using the Galloway method. My pace was about 11:10. I also wrapped a bandana full of ice around my neck. For road races 10K or longer, I'm becoming a devote of the Galloway method.

9. This week I began another new adventure; New employee orienation at the VA hospital, where I was selected to be in a highly competive internship back in May. I took an oath of office, had a TB test, was fingerprinted electronically. I was jazzed.

8. Tuesday morning, I ran the first of what will be weekly hill repeats. This is a .95 mile hill that changes abouut 400 feet in vertical altitude over its course. Jog/hike/stagger up, jog down. Twice. Then add a litttle at the end.

7. So. Then.

On day two of my four-day training at the VA, I was called in and told that not one single instructor, including those I hadn't met yet, wanted to work with me.
It didn't make any sense. I felt blindsided, and I left in tears. Before my internship began, it was over.
Then unbelievably, before I left, I was told you should apply for any open position here because those people who don't want to work with you don't do the hiring.
What. The. Fuck?

6. Interestingly, I did not go home. I went to work at the children's hospital, where I feel competent and happy. They were happy to see me, since they weren't expecting me until Friday and unexpected problems had come up. I ate my lunch. I did some work. I felt better. But I cried when I told them what happened. They were as confused as I was.

5. I talked to professors, mentors, advisor, friends, colleagues, fellow students, and supervisors about what happened at the VA, and they all said the same thing: Smells like political bullshit to me.

4. Wednesday morning I woke up with swollen eyes and went for a run, and decided that I absolutely, positively, was going to quit social work school. Social workers were petty, bitchy, heiarchical, and back-stabbing. I absolutely didn't want to be one. Fuck them. FUCK SOCIAL WORK SCHOOL.

3. Later that morning, I went to a local hospital's acute ward to visit some kids. As I was leaving one of the social workers asked how my internship was going. I only cried a little when I told her what happened. Her mouth fell open, and without missing a beat, she offered me an internship. Just like that.

2. I am now finally free to say that I am happiest working with children and families. I kept finding myself headed in that direction, time and again. I believe this is where I belong. It is where I feel that I'm good at what I do.

This VA is not where I belong. I am not cut out for it. I don't like conflict. I don't like asserting myself. I don't want to be a leader. I don't want to join the fray. I don't want to feel like I suck. I like to fly under the radar, doing my job. most of all, I do not like political bullshit.

1. So it's been an emotional week. But there is running, and fried chicken, and Jose Cuervo Lite Margaritas.

And today, at work, I made a parent so happy that she cried.

....

Mostly one-liners.

2011-07-16T06:57:00.003-06:00

Dear Diary,

Yes, she is that spoiled.
No, I don't know why.

15. I spent most of my free computer time this week working - see #3 for explanation.

14. I think it's safe to say I don't much like being a parent these days.

13. But I do like being a runner. I am right back on track with my running again. After several months of not being terribly discipliined, I am finally back into the habit of making up missed miles and making sure thatt I get all my miles in. Which brings me to today, when I ditched my run. I now have 12 miles to make up, somehow. :-/

12. #13 is important, because I put on five pounds last month.

11. WeightWatchers just updated their app for ipad. It rocks. They also have a kick-ass kitchen-helper app.

10. The running is keeping me from wrapping my hands around a certain surly twenty-something's neck and squeezing.

9. There are ants in my house that are particularly bad this year. It requires that I keep pet food put up. :-( and not leave anything sitting out too long.

8. This has been a tough week at work. Hug your kids.

7. I am also back on track with my eating. It was getting a llittle out of control. I was temped by stress to fall back into my old ways, in which I would buy a whole rotissere chicken and sit out on my car and eat it. (ugly, but true).

There is a dress code, you know.

6. Thursday evening, I drank cheap beer and and made "Chicken Helper". Now in my defense, it was whole grain chicken helper, to which I added lots of vegetables. The cheap beer I have no excuse for. It's interesting, though, that Bud Light is the only beer I can drink, being as I hate most beers and think they are a cold bitter mess. I've been told that Bud Light has no taste, which would explain why I can drink it. So there you have it: I have dental problems, eat chicken helper, and drink cheap beer. I am one step away from hanging up laundry wearing my bra and shorts and curlers.

5. Stress has also made me not sleep well. Today, instead of running, I slept in. Later I will take Herself the Daughter to look at rent houses.

4. I have prepared a "move-out" box for Herself the Daughter that has TP (the cheap kind), laundry soap, and cup-a-noodle (Might as well get used to it now. Life is WAYYY different outside mom's house, princess)

3. This next week I will be attending four full days of "New Employee Orientation" at the VA for my internship.

Ah, dinner by candlelight.

2. I am beginning to feel, finally, like a mental health professional. So that's a new identity for me. I was a mother, then a teacher, and then a runner, and then I didn't know what I was for a while.

1. Work related: Here's a little tip from me. If, in the process of knifing your boyfriend/dealer to death, you assign your mother POA for your kids, make sure she's not homeless. (The lives some people lead. Jeesh.)

...

Untitled. The on-time version.

2011-07-06T20:25:00.001-06:00

Dear Diary,

13. One of the reasons I"m on time this week is this: from Think Geek, it's a ipad case with a tiny built-in keyboard. Bliss! Between this an an app called Blogsy, I'm much more able to do everything I want from the iPad.

Now: The tooth saga.

12. Okay. I was born with very soft enamel (a genetic gift from my father), was a mouth breather, and then had braces as a kid and as a kid was a lazy brusher. And there you have it: a recipe for dental disaster.When my braces were removed, I had cavities wrapping around every single tooth. Since then, it's been an uphill battle staying ahead of time and age.

11. By my 20s, I'd had had six root canals, paid for by my parents. Later, as a student and single mom, I had molars on my lower jaw pulled, since I could not afford root canals. After I graduated and got my first real job, I had more three root canals, bringing the total to nine.

10. haven't been very public about this because, well, it's embarassing. When I think about the shape that my teeth are in, I feel like I am one step away from an off-broadway version of Deliverance.

9. After a decade of no lower back teeth I've been chewing on my front teeth, putting increasing stress on those teeth, and shifted my jaw forward. Those teeth are now giving way.

8. I have put this off for years because even with good dental insurance, the cost is pretty enormous and I. Am cheap. But, I have finally decided once and for all to take care of this. I'm to have two more root canals which, thankfully, are my last. I'm also about to get partials for my lower jaw.

7. I am pretty excited about this. The expense is going to be enormous, but hopefully this will be the last of it. To be DONE. That. Is exciting.

So pretty soon I will start smiling bigger than I used to. Look for it.

End tooth saga.

6. I am running every morning, back on a training plan, and sticking to it. Mostly. I love the way I feel when I go to work, all mellow and stuff. I love the feeling of accomplishment when I put in those numbers each day. MOSTLY, I love knowing that when I come home, I don't have to run in the heat. What's the point? I'm not training for any long hot races. So, I get up insanely early run in the dawn, when it's cooler, sit out for a while with Baboo and drink coffee, and then heard for work.
AWESOME.

5. Unfortunately, just in time for this revelation, they shut down all the parklands around the city, including the trails, to protect the lands from idiots with fireworks. So, I'm running around the hilly neighborhoods where I live, which itself is not all that unpleasant.

4. My internship starts the week of the 18th. I am STOKED. We had to pick two rotations, one in medical social work and one in behavioral health. My rotation in medical social work will be a split rotation in 1) poly trauma, which includes TBI and comorbid PTSD, and 2) spinal cord injury. So I will be working with some of the newer veterans.

3. During the two days I am at internship each week, since I won't have an office there, I bought a bag. Well, of course you knew I would use this as some excuse to shop...anyway, I needed something to haul around my phone, wallet, ipad, and sundries. It's called an Uptown Bagg by Baggellini. It's a crossbody bag. I got one in charcoal gray. I searched and searched, and so, well, maybe I'm the only one who is excited about it, but this is my diary, so there it is.

2. My morrning runs are getting to be a habit. How much of a habit it will remain when its below freezing I do not know, but hopefully by then I will have put together my treadmill room. Unlike many, I don't mind running on the treadmill in the winter, so long as there is a dvd player and movies. I enjoy running some of those mornings with Sweet Baboo, although I often run much faster than I should, and wind up blowing out around mile 3 or 4.

1. Sweet Baboo and I began Salsa dance lessons this week. It is harder than I expected, or maybe it's as hard as I expected but I somehow fantasized I would be much better at this than I am. Of course, it's only one lesson. We had to switch partners continuously, and there was a guy in there that reminded me faintly of Ben Stiller in the scene in "Along Came Polly" where he's dancing, but overall, a great time. We both had fun.

Enjoy!

...

A very special Thursday Thirteen: It's time to go, hijita

2011-06-30T01:49:00.007-06:00

Dear Diary (and grown child),

I'm not sure if you'll even see this, since you have little interest in what it is that I do, where I go, or what I think.

These tips and tricks are meant to be a guide to living in my house. They are by no means all inclusive. They they may explain, however, why I'm beginning to take a rather passitve-aggressive and oftentimes aggressive-aggressive stance towards you as of late.

13. Be Courteous. You are not fulfilling me somehow by being here; in fact, my closest friends groaned when I told them you were moving in with me. I am a person, with a life, pursuits, friends, hobbies, activities, routines, and interests. Do not expect me to re-arrange to accommodate you. Once you are old enough to look me in the eye, you are no longer my precious baby, my hijita, my bundle of joy. You are a homeless person living in my house and eating my food.

12. Be Real. You've told me that your goal is to be a housewife. I don't have a problem with that per se, but remember that you have to:
1) be a wife, and 2) have a house.

11. Be Neat. Don't leave wet towels on the floor. Don't leave pee in the toilet. Don't leave your makeup and toiletries all over. It's not your bathroom. It's my guest bath. Don't take dishes in to the guest room. Don't leave dishes in the guest room. Don't put dirty dishes into the drawers in the guest room. Don't call it your room...It's my guest room. Those are my dishes. And goddamned it, MY ANTS.
This is not a hotel. There is no maid service.

10. Don't take my stuff. My work is emotionally draining. I sometimes have small amounts of certain comfort foods set aside and I come home to relax. I may go for weeks without touching them but that doesn't mean it's open season on anything in the cabinet or fridge, or that you have free use of my ipod dock, or any of my stuff. Recent examples: frozen shrimp, the provolone, my wheat thins, anything else I haven't discovered yet.

IT"S NOT AS THOUGH WE HAVEN'T ALREADY HAD THIS CONVERSATION ABOUT SIX TIMES.

(And while we're at it, you didn't "find" it in the cabinet, because it wasn't "lost".)

9. Plan Ahead. Don't use up the mayonnaise, the catsup, the hot sauce, the tuna, toilet paper, paper towels, various clearing supplies, or any household stuff without telling me and tell me if we're about to run out. I do not go to the store in the middle of the week. Recent examples: AGAIN, WE'VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION 6 TIMES.

8. Get moving. If I'm in the kitchen eating a peanut butter sandwich because I just ran eight miles, do not hint at how nice it would be if I made you one, too. You don't even work out. Go run eight miles, then, make your own sandwich.

7. Quit bugging me about your virtual boyfriend. He's not your boyfriend. You don't know him. You've never met him. You've seen his picture, and talked on phone. No, I don't have any advice for you on your recent spat. Why? BECAUSE I'VE NEVER MET HIM, AND NEITHER HAVE YOU.

6. Get moving, Part 2. Sitting on your ass all day on the internet turning in online applications is not "looking for a job." Also, you don't get weekends off from being unemployed.

5. Be Courterous, Part 2. Do not stay up until midnight and THEN decide to go do things in the kitchen. The people who are supporting you are trying to sleep.

4. Mine. Not Yours. It doesn't matter if I have unlimited long distance and local; I am the one who pays the bill. It's just plain rude to use my cell phone late at night after I've gone to sleep, or to spend hours on the house phone.

Yeah - it's all funny until the homicide squad arrives.

3. WAKE UP. Don't act put out when I wake you up in the morning by banging loudly on the guest room door. Alarm clocks are simple to operate. WAKE YOURSELF UP.

2. It's my house, deal with it. Do not presume to snicker or mock me or complain about how messy I am, how I leave cabinet doors open, or how loud I was last night. And don't try to manipulate me; if you tell me you'll have to live in a shelter if I make you leave, I will merely offer tips and tricks to avoid being mugged. By the way, you should be so lucky at age 46 to have something to be loud about.

1. Don't be such a drama queen. Do not sing loudly enough along with Sarah McLaughlin while you're in the kitchen to wake the coyotes. Don't post your angst about how I "treat" you on FaceBook...or how despondent you are over my latest tirade. I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist.
--------------------------
Sweetie, adults who live with their parents regress. You have regressed.
It's time for you to move out.
It's time for you to move along.

Love, Mom.

...