Start: at 8 am, with a cup of coffee in one hand, Go to the web site and begin filing a claim for unemployement.
Step 2: GO gather some pertinent information to answer their questions.
Step 3: Get timed out, and not allowed back in the system.
Step 4: Call the local unemployment office and talk to some who--I swear--is on ludes, who promply transfers you to voice mail that asks you to identify by name the person you are calling. Hang up. Call back. explain the problem AGAIN. Be told that "Oh, you won't be able to finish online now. You'll have to call the number.
Step 5: Call the number. No ringing, just a voice that immediately informs you that due to the high call volume, you'll need to call back "later". Press send sixteen times before getting through.
Step 6: Be informed that there are 56 callers ahead of you, and your wait should be less than 20 minutes. The music is loud, hideous and cuts in and out. You cannot leave this one spot in your house in which you know that your cell phone calls will not be dropped--the rest of the house is a black hole and you do NOT WANT TO LOSE THIS CALL.
Step 7: Twenty minutes later, be informed that there are 32 callers ahead of you, and your wait should be less than 8 minutes.
Step 8: Fifteen minutes later, be informed that there are only 23 callers ahead of you, and your wait should be less than 2 minutes. Decide that this must be an alternate universe, where a minute is 120 seconds.
Step 9: Determine also that "number of callers" and "estimated wait time" is not a direct function.
Decide that you will be very, very nice to the customer service rep when they get on the line, because after all, it's not their fault you got laid off, and besides, they could hang up on you, forcing you to spend another 40 minutes waiting on the phone.
Step 10: Worry that your phone battery will die before the customer service rep comes onto the line.
9:28 Your cell phone notifies you that your call has dropped.
Scream loudly. Hope nobody calls 911.
F*ck this Sh*t.
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