UPCOMING EVENTS: Hartford (RI) marathon, Newport (CT) marathon in October,
Soldier (GA) marathon, Pensacola (FL) marathon, and Pilgrim Pacer Marathons (KS) in November

It's never too late to be what you might have been. --George Eliot

This blog is about my journey as an asthmatic, hypothyroid, formerly plus-sized endurance athlete. It's occasionally interrupted with things that have nothing to do with that or whining about my weight and horrible eating habits. "You're never too old to be what you might have been" --George Eliot

Saturday, April 25, 2009

(For Alice, and the others.)

It seems like I've done things backwards in my life.  While my friends were getting settled into their lives, I was on a whirlwind tour of "how badly can I screw up my life??"  Marriages, kids, divorces, and finally, therapy.  I think I provided cheap entertainment for my friends and relatives...if nothing else, I definitely gave them something to talk about.

All of this came to a head with the death of my mother after a long illness, leaving me alone to deal with three children, and life and the sudden realization of how very, very complicated and difficult life had become.  And how much I could hurt.  And eventually, how much I could overcome.

That seems long ago, now.  It's been ten years since then, and when I would have settled for good enough, I got better than that.  But now, I'm a spectator to the despair that I hear and see in phone calls and emails from people I care about.  The kind that I felt once.  

But you--you are no stronger or better than I, so you will get through it, as I did once.  You will get better, I promise.  You will be happy again.  

I would never try to minimize your pain.  I just want you to know that one day you will no longer feel like you're waking every day to a nightmare, wondering if it will end, and wishing desperately for a way to stop hurting.  I remember days when I would wake up, and before I opened my eyes, the pain of another day of dealing with my life was already on me.  I remember late one night, standing on a good friend's front porch, in a nightgown and raincoat, crying in the rain, knocking on her door, clutching yet another divorce decree in my hand.  I moved through it, one day at a time.  I took care of myself, and leaned on and cried with people who cared for me.  

Move forward, one day at a time.  Always believe and know that there is a better future for you, and happy times, whether it is  alone or with someone else.  

I got better.  Life got better. You will, too.    

There will be a day when you wake up and you feel normal, and there will even a day when you look back and your hurt is a distant memory.  The memory of how bad life can feel and how much life can hurt will make you appreciate life and it will seem a little better for it.  You will be stronger.  

You will be happy again.  I promise.

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3 comments:

  1. Been there too-!
    And so glad that you are on the other side helping those that may need your encouraging words!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Could not have said it better myself!

    ReplyDelete

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