Tuesday, December 19, 2006

A wee bit of a cranky.

Whenever I spend a day out in public doing errands, I'm reminded of the delusions that people subscribe to. They fascinate me. I spend most of my time around teachers and triathletes, so I sometimes forget how people in the rest of the world think.

Delusions are different from plain old "overvalued ideas". Overvalued ideas can hold some doubt by those who hold them, but delusional people, on the other hand, will continue to believe regardless of evidence to the contrary, and be absolutely convinced that it is real.

Here's some of my favorites:
  • If I take a really firm hand with the person who is taking care of my (drycleaning, food, paperwork, child) and intimidate them, then they will take better care of my (drycleaning, food, paperwork, child)
  • Nobody will mind if I park my car in the bicycle lane, just this once.
  • It's just one more child. How much more work can one more child be?
  • If I drive this vehicle, women will want me, and other people will be impressed.
  • Really tight clothes make me look thinner.
  • Really baggy clothes make me look thinner.
  • If I wear my daughter's/son's clothing, I'll look cool.
  • It's good fat.
  • My lotto number is due to win.
  • Every student deserves an A.
  • My doggie is a member of my family; members of your family are allowed in coffeeshops/stores/restaurants; ergo, my doggie has the right to be in a coffeeshop/store/restaurant.
  • I love animals. That's why I hunt.
  • If I drive 5 mph hour under the speed limit, I will make the road safer for everyone else.
  • Our friends who are vegetarians or require Kosher meals won't mind eating a bowl of iceberg lettuce while the rest of us eat three-course meals.
  • My child does not lie.
  • Intelligent Design is a sound, scientific theory.
  • I know that research shows that people on cell phones are unable to attend to driving, but I'm the exception.
By the way, if you believe any of these, um, sorry. Have a nice day.

...

8 comments:

  1. What's wrong with Intelligent Design, huh? Just kidding- from a fellow scientist.

    Although I have to admit that some day I'll be subscribing to the "how much more work could one kid be?" theory as well. I'm hoping 3's not that much harder than 2. We'll find out eventually.

    Thanks for the laugh this morning, nice list.

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  2. p.s. I don't know whether it's anything you can change, but Bloglines isn't showing when your blog's updated, and you've got a red exclamation point next to your link that says "error". Just thought I'd let you know.

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  3. You may have to reset my address in Bloglines, since I switched to the Beta version of blogger.

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  4. ROTFL - nice to know I'm not the only one that notices this stuff and shakes my head in disbelief. Thought maybe I was being unreasonable, thinking that people should employ manners and common sense when dealing with the world at large.

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  5. Don't forget these...

    ~ my (drycleaning, food, paperwork, child) are clearly more important and stressful than yours since I'm willing to pitch a fit over it in a public place

    ~ I will likely get to (work, home, the gym) much faster if I drive as close to your bumper as I can

    ~ (and my personal favorite) your job responsibilities are clearly less (important/valuable/demanding) than mine since you seem to balance the stress without pitching a fit in a public place. I could not ever be expected to do the same, as my job is more (important/valuable/demanding)

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  6. I think of them as the stories people like to tell themselves.

    Like,

    nobody can hear me talking on my cell phone about my personal things.

    Gads, Misty, I just flagged your blog. I'm really sorry - I'm on an unfamiliar laptop, just waving my cursor around, and it clicked on "flag as containing objectionable content". Honestly - not intended. Sorry about that.

    Let me know if you need me to write you a note.

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  7. That's Funny! Well, nobody from homeland security has shown up to talk to me about it yet, nor have I been requested to comment on the latest scandal facing a public school teacher, so I think I'm safe. I hope!

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  8. the one that ALWAYS gets me:

    - i just always speak my mind. if you get offended that's your problem.

    i don't have a problem with people speaking their mind... unless they're complete morons who shouldn't be allowed to speak... ever. unfortunately, the statistics of people who are morons speaking their minds and just expecting you to smile and deal with it are ASTRONOMICAL.

    oh... and most of them have been my roommates at one time or another. go figure.

    ReplyDelete

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