A new evil in my life.

Okay, so I know that many bloggers have given you their take on the Garmin 305 wonder, but I thought I'd give you the opinion of some who is 1) slothful and 2) dishonest and 3) given to self delusion and rationalizations.

Today I took out the Garmin 305, hereforafter known on my blog as the reoccuring character, Evil Garmin Genie. Me and the Evil went for a long run, and here's how it went.

If you're like me, slothful, dishonest, and addicted to rationalizations, then you don't want, you need an Evil Garmin Genie, especially if and when you have ever subscribed to any of the following delusions/misconceptions/rationalization, as I have:

• I'm not really that slow; they just marked the miles incorrectly.
  
• I'll make it up on the downhills.
  
• I'm not really that slow; it's just the wind/slight uphill that's making it seem that way.
  
• If I hadn't gone back to pick up that lipstick/cell phone/gel that I dropped on the path, my average pace would have been better.
  
• Gee, I'd love to do trail running, but I can't, because there's no mile markers.
  
• I'll just switch off my timer while I go pee, because it shouldn't count against my pace, since I'm not really running...

So, yes, shut UP, I lie to myself. OFTEN.

Moreover, I round up and round down (whichever makes me look better) so that I can continue to do so. Then I enter my lies into whatever log I'm keeping that month, or add it to the running total in my head, which is suspect, and the lie continues.

But no more. Evil Garmin Genie is brutally honest. I must say, I respect any entity that is honest, whether it's Sweet Baboo, the Jimmy, or Evil Garmin Genie.

During setup, I set the main window to show me four things: my heart rate, which I was trying to keep at 155 or under; total elapsed time, my current pace (in miles per minute), and elapsed time for the current lap.

Through it all, Evil Garmin Genie made sure I was keepin' it real

E.g., Me: "wow, I feel great! I'm flyin'!"

Evil Garmin Genie: CURENT PACE 14.2 min/mi

The next cool thing about Evil Garmin is that I can go ANYWHERE. I mean, ANYWHERE. I'm no longer a slave to routes I can find in Google Earth or the route finder on BeginnerTriathlete.

As in, "hey, I wonder where THAT path goes?" It it counts into my distance, and I don't have to remember it later on to try to retrace my route, because Evil Garmin takes it all into account into my distance. It not only makes up for my inherant dishonesty, but my forgetfulness, as well.

Finally, there's no "rounding" because as soon as I pop Evil Garmin into it's evil cradle, it calls up the software (it came with it and I installed it) and uploads it before I have a chance to try to stop it or try to monkey around with it to make me look better/sleeker/faster, etc. It uploaded everything and logged it: my time, course profile, elevation, map of where I went, my pace, everything.

So, it's the end of an era. The end of my charming self-deluding bullshit. I've been found accountable, and I've done it to myself.

Thank you, Evil Garmin Genie.

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