Thursday, September 06, 2007

What teachers find in their inboxes

For the third time this year I've found an invitation to a "party" from another teacher who is trying to start her own home business. I'm going to go ahead and say "her" because I've never gotten one of these from a male teacher.

I don't know what to make of the bearer of these invitations - either they are desperate to get out of the classroom, or desperate to increase their income, or both, more sympathetic I could not be; the problem is that they are trying to sell things to people who, like themselves, have a rather fixed income. One staff member is involved in three such home businesses. Another one is involved in her second in as many years, the first one being in erotic products (I have to admit, that was a fun party)

And it's not that the stuff isn't nice! Most of the time, it is. It's just that most of the time, I can get it on sale and save a lot of money. I LIKE my friends. Heck, some of them I love But not enough to support them by spending money on items I probably don't need or could get much less expensively elsewhere.

In any case it gets old. Once the year is rolling, I'll get one of these in my inbox once a week. So I'm thinking of creating an all-purpose invitation for folks so that they can just check off the boxes instead of doing up the invite in Word. It would look something like this:

P A R T Y ! !
I'm having a party at my house! You're invited; feel free to bring your sense of adventure, as well as
() a friend
() your checkbook
() a hot dish
() cash
() a credit card
() a couple hours to kill

At my party, we'll chat, relax, and meet new people. You'll also have the chance to preview some exciting new--!
() overpriced makeup
() overpriced candles
() overpriced sex toys, lotions, and creams
() overpriced cooking utensils
() overpriced spices and condiments
() multi-level marketing schemes
() ideas about God, death, the afterlife, and paradise on earth

My party will start
() promptly at 4:00
() around 4-ish
() when I realize that, now I know who my REAL friends are
() whenever people gullible enough show up do so
() whenever I realize that, once again, I've been sucked into sinking a buttload of money into overpriced product inventory and I start hitting the wine.

...and last until

() the last person escapes
() the last person leaves
() I finally realize nobody is coming
() I eat all the treats and canapes I baked and pass out in a sugar and/or fried-food induced coma
() I bitterly admit to myself that nobody has my sense of adventure and entrepeneurship


() Hugs and kisses
() See you there!
() Love
() Desperately
() Hopefully
() Optimistically
() Regards


() a work collegue you barely know
() a work collegue your sort of know
() a work collegue you've never met
() a work collegue you like quite a bit who has decided to take advantage of your friendship


In other news: Tomorrow is Sweet Baboo's birthday. Send him some comment love.



  1. I so hate those parties. I have gotten to the point over the years where I just say no. To all of them. No matter who is throwing it or what the overpriced item is that is being sold.

  2. Oh wow, I guess there is ONE thing about retirement (or semi-retirement) that I DO like...!

  3. Ugh - I hate those parties. I don't throw them myself so please don't invite me to one for you - is what I wish I could say.

  4. That's just ridiculously hysterical!

    Remember, only you can stop home parties! It's a vicous cycle, you go to hers, then she comes to yours, then you both have closets full of overpriced home party stuff!

    I really could use some new candles to go with my face cream and basket full of cooking supplies!

  5. THE ONLY WAY is to smile mysteriously and faintly threateninglyand say "no thanks, I don't think I will". By this method I have managed to avoid all but 2 tupperware parties ever.

  6. Hilarious post! I recently met a woman who does triathlons and she called me and I thought it was to meet up at a tri that we were both doing, but it really was about her "home business" and one of those parties. It really annoyed me. I don't want to meet tri people to network. I should send her your form letter.

  7. Why do we always get suckered into throwing or attending these parties? It is a disease I swear!

  8. oh boy, THOSE parties... I guess I said no too many times, cause they don't invite me anymore... Why buy a $100 candle holder + $50 candles when I can get something similar (ok cheaper) at the dollar store... oups LOL

    The only time that I had some fun is at a tupperware party were all the guest needed to be dresses in 'housewife' 50's fashion (think Joan cleaver) We also had to be dressed in ONE color only. The funiest part was the expression on the tupperware lady's face when she all saw us when she walked in LOL We had a blast!!!

  9. Meet your friend the part time side job(s). Or a "home" business that actually works: eg A&R Safety and Andys Bike Shop.

    Oh. Invite them to a party at a central location and time, but dont show up. Send invatations out with a different time and place. That'll shut everyone up.

  10. Ugh. I HATE these. I belong to the Chamber of Commerce and am the chairperson of the Small Office Home Office group... OMG I get invited to these by group members all the freakin time. I used to go to be polite, but it quickly got out of control. I finally grew the cojones to start turning them down (and a year later I'm still getting calls from reps trying to sell me the latest seasonal whatever).

    The only not-crappy experience I've had with these is I threw a sex toy one because my girlfriends wanted to see what they were like and I was the only one willing to have it. We had a blast, but only because everyone involved had wanted it up front and they all knew I didn't care if they didn't buy anything.

  11. I had a friend who always said this was nothing more than passing 50 bucks around a circle of freinds. You buy from them, they buy from someone else, who buys from someone else, who buys from you and you get your money back. Sort of like all the fundraiser stuff kids have to do for school, football, scouts. It is a vicious cycle.
    Maybe a t shirt with a just say no to home parties?

  12. Okay, well, I'll admit it. The sex toy party was pretty fun. It was rowdy good humor and included wine.

  13. Anonymous9:26 AM

    yeh, I went to a home party years ago where a lady was trying to sell different styles of clothes. She looked at us to determine our "body types"...apparently I'm a PEAR!! (gee, thanks) There wasn't even alcohol to numb the pain :(

  14. That's too funny. I have both supported my friends by purchasing like a (loyal) sucker (makeup), and passed on buying anything (stamps). But I have yet to go to a sex toy party.... There's a product I could get on board with.

  15. Each of them are attempting to scratch and claw thier way to a higher income. I truely believe teachers should be MUCH better paid! The extra $ the school systems are getting more often than not are going to the Administrators. Big mistake in my mind. The teachers are the ones in the trenches! They should be paid like our country's future is in those classrooms-which they are!


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