All I really want is some cheap sunglasses.

I'm going today to get contacts. Or to be more precise, contact. I've been waiting 30 years for this, so that I can get some cheap sunglasses. TO say that I'm excited about this is a vast understatement.

I've been wearing glasses for 30 years. And, for 30 years I've gazed enviously on all the normal people or people with contacts wearing fabulous sunglasses. Sunglasses with MIRRORED lenses, in particular, have been on my drool list, because, I don't know, maybe because I watched CHiPs too much as I kid, I don't know. But you really can't easily or cheaply get corrective lenses with a mirrored finish.

I am about sunglasses like some women are about shoes. You know who you are. Just imagine, shoe ladies, if you had to do with the same servicable pair of shoes day after day, week after week. That's what my life as a nearsighted person has been like. Here in New Mexico they are ubiquitous. Even the cheap ones are polarized, which is good because I'm all about getting myself lots of cheap sunglasses. I've been obsessed for 30 years with something I could never have. I've looked at envy at other people's cool sunglasses and wished I could have cool sunglasses, and convinced myself that it's okay, my 2 pairs of indoor glasses and 2 pairs of sunglasses are fine. They're just FINE. No, REALLY.

I tried contacts once, in 2004. I wasn't taught how to put them in or take care of them and wound up pitching screaming hissy fits, screaming out MO%HERFU@#ER when the the little corrective blob of goo folded up and got stuck under my eyelid, fell on the floor, or whatever. They were so frustrating that I wouldn't take them out when I finally did get them in, causing more problems.

My new eye doctor swears that this time, it will be different. This time, he promises, they will be kind, and teach me how to use them. This time. And, like the sucker I am, I believe. I more than believe; I'm apopletic with excitement. Bwahahahaha!

I believe because I want to wear cheap sunglasses. I want to choose them as part of my outfit for the day, or just depending on my mood. Mirrored aviator sunglasses. Tiny Diane Keaton granny sunglasses. Big square Lindsey and Britney sunglasses. Pink, blue, red, purple, black, gold, silver. Zebra cateye sunglasses with rhinestones. (Did I say MIRRORED?)

So today, at 3:00 MST, I'm going to get contacts. Or as I said earlier, contact. I'm getting a "monovision" prescription in which they correct my dominant eye for distance and leave my other eye alone so that I can read. Otherwise, I can't read with my nearsighted prescription in, so I can't see my Garmin or my watch.

I already got my first pair of non-prescription sunglasses at REI.

They weren't cheap, but they were easy. (Ha.)

They are pale, pearlescent pink, with brownish-pink lenses.

And, they are MIRRORED.

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