Monday, January 08, 2007

Guaranteed or your money back!

I'm really sick of the ads for diet aids.

I HATE that crap. My favorite part of the ad is, "People who have used Relacore in conjunction with proper diet and exercise have experienced a reduction in overall stress levels and an improvement in mood in as little as a few days... "

Well, duh.

I guess I've missed my calling. I should market a diet. I could call it the "swear your way to gorgeous" diet. In my diet, you could just run up to people that annoy you and let loose with a string of obsenities.

I guarantee, that you'll lose weight like crazy. And, it will improve your mood.

Providing that you do it in conjuntion with proper diet and exercise, that is.

Mostly, though, I get irate because even though I'm intelligent and educated, the tiny voice in my head whispers seductively. "Maybe its true! They couldn't say it if it wasn't true, could they?" and then I worry for all the people who are desperate and parting with enough money to get themselves a pair of running shoes.

So it was with gratitude and excitment that I read that apparently, the FTC is sick of it too. They fined several companies 25 million dollars for false and misleading claims. I'll let you read--or not read--at your leisure, but I will share with you my absolutely favorite part:

Xenadrine had a study showing that people who took a placebo lost more weight than those taking the pills. The FTC's investigation also found that consumer endorsers -- people who appear in the before-and-after pictures in many ads -- lost weight by engaging in rigorous diet and exercise programs.

It's a START, at least, but they've got a long way to go. Now if they could do something about those 200-word disclaimers that flash on the TV screen for 2 seconds...

Relacore was designed to help reduce stress-induced fat retention in the midsection by reducing cortisol. The best news is that Relacore can be used in conjunction with any sensible diet and exercise plan to help you lose weight. If you are overweight, you could greatly benefit from a personalized, online, diet, exercise and support program. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Use in conjunction with any sensible diet and exercise program. Individual results will vary. Results not typical. TRIMSPA products may not work for everyone. Results show that in 8 weeks, those in the active X32 group lost more than 3½ times more weight than those in the placebo group. The average weight loss in 8 weeks for X32 participants was 7.03 lbs., compared to the placebo group’s average of 1.96 lbs. Not for use by or sale to persons under 18 years of age. TRIMSPA products are intended to be used as part of a total weight loss program including a healthy diet and exercise. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Not intended to treat, prevent, mitigate or cure disease. Call 1-800-TRIMSPA or visit for suggested use and information. Consult physician before using. Read the label and follow directions. Do not use if pregnant or nursing. If you are allergic to shellfish, consult your doctor before taking glucosamine. Models have been compensated for photos; testimonials paid for commercial appearance. TRIMSPA and The TRIMSPA logo are registered trademarks of Nutramerica Corporation. Sexy - Powerful - Attitude and Be Envied are registered trademarks of Goen Technologies Corporation. All other marks are trademarks of their respective owners.


  1. Doesn't it make you want to pull your hair out?????? I too hate that little voice inside my head that says, "maybe this time....." My degree is in biology and I know these things they claim are not physically possible yet I think maybe, maybe.... UGH!!!!!

  2. I'm with you and Flo. There is always that lingering question in the back of my mind of maybe, just maybe, it will work. But I know better. I'll stick to a sensible diet and hard work.

  3. Let's patent that swearing diet IMMEDIATELY -you can make heaps of money and give up work and get a personal trainer and chef.
    Good luck with the marathon - you know how wearying grief is so take care of yourself.

  4. And in the same week, the FDA approved a drug to combat morbid obesity in dogs. Because people buy 'em, overfeed 'em, and don't exercise 'em.

    Go figure!

  5. I don't know why but I have never gotten caught up in the "diet" pill thing...maybe it's a generational thing and we really didn't have much when I was in my 20s/30s so I just ran and worked out and ignored the rest...
    You have got a LONG way to go before you get senior discounts lady! :-)

  6. The fine print says, "Sexy - Powerful - Attitude and Be Envied are registered trademarks of Goen Technologies Corporation". Wow.

    Look at your sock picture - you're infringing the trademark right now!

  7. I love it - I keep saying that exact same thing! If weight loss could be found in a bottle we would all be thin! If you don't want to work at it losing or maintaining weight, it will find you and usually attach itself to to your thighs and behind. Everyone wants an easy fix where you don't have to work or think about it, just kinda sad.
    Have a great race this weekend. I have been "lurking" on your blog for a while and really enjoy your reading your posts. Looking forward to the updates!

  8. Yeah - I had no idea you could trademark a phrase like "be envied" or "sexy".

  9. i saw that, too. i'm glad the FTC is doing something about it... you know what i LOVE, though? they're coming down hard on false advertising... that's great. but news agencies like oh... FOX NEWS, can say whatever the hell they want whether it's true or not. even if the facts CLEARLY show that they are LYING... and nothing gets done about it. false advertising, we're all over it. false news reporting, blah.

  10. My husband made the mistake of saying something like "Hey maybe those work, you wanna try it?" and to capitalize on your rant post, out side I said :no, I am breastfeeding and I don't know what it would do to OUR baby." while inside I wanted to kill him and scream that the next time he competes in my races with me, he can recommend my diet!


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