Sunday, January 28, 2007

In which I am a nearsighted idiot.

Today I went on my first serious "long" run since the marathon two weeks ago. It felt, as I mentioned to Wiz, not like I had large bricks tired to my feet but more like someone had replaced the bricks with slightly lighter bricks. Still, I was able to keep up the run for the eight or so miles. As I mentioned before, my next goal is to run a half marathon without walk breaks.

I can't find my damned glasses.
Not my usual nerdly red framed glasses, which fog up and actually make it seem brighter out so I don't wear them outside.

I'm talking about my way cool prescription 'SportSpecs" that I need not only because I'm incredibly vain and the bright sun in New Mexico makes me squint, deepening any developing crows' feet, but also because to call me nearsighted would be an understatement. Don't get me started on contacts. I tried them once. They are way too much trouble, and I threw screaming hissy fits when they folded up under my eyelid upon insertion. I have no patience at all. My optomitrist told me that as I am getting old (he actually said that, he said old, not older) my nearsightedness would be corrected by the time I was fifty. But then I'd need reading glasses. So lasic is out.

In any case I took off for my run without any glasses at all, figuring that as long as I could see my feet (I can) and the path ten feet in front of me (I can) I'd be okay. The guys, Sweet Baboo, Wiz, and Bones, took off ahead of me. I'm alone. It's a brisk 27 degrees out and I'm managing to stay just ahead of chilled. Just me and the ipod. Almost NOBODY is on the trail this early, when it's this cold. Ahhhhhhh.

So I'm heading down the Bosque trail and its about forty minute later when I see the guys coming back. Sweet Baboo, in his white shirt, black tights, and white hat, seems to be limping. Bones, in his red jacket, is walking slowly, and Wiz is just sauntering. When I'm about 50 yards away, I holler, "what's wrong? Why are you guys walking?"

No response.

Bear in mind that I can't see faces, or even really make out distinct bodies. I can make out general human forms and the major colors they are wearing.

About 20 yards out, I yell again, "Hey, three ironman are walking down the trail. that sounds like the first line of a joke!"

No response.

I try again, "is someone hurt?"

It's when the last 't' sound of the word hurt leaves my lips that I realize that the three men approaching me are completely unknown to me. They are some old guys, much less attractive than the three men I supposed them to be. The one I supposed to be Sweet Baboo even has a big grey beard. One of them finally says something like, "I guess if we were real men we'd be running"

Well, then I'm stuck. I just said a few lame things and they went their way and I went mine, and they had a story to tell about some bitch on the trail that didn't even know them and was giving them crap about walking instead of running.

The moral of the story is that the girl at the pool who waved at you, or the cute guy across the gym floor, might not have been flirting with you at all.

Nor was that girl who seemed to be either teasing you or harassing you out on your run today.

They may just be horribly nearsighted and you happen to be wearing something that someone they knew was wearing.

11 comments:

  1. That's pretty funny. Though I would like to continue thinking that the cute guy who waved was waving at me!

    I too am nearsighted and I never exercise while wearing my glasses. So far it hasn't gotten me into trouble.

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  2. Great story! Sounds like something I would do. Here's my blind runner story so you know you are not alone.

    One early dark wet morning last winter I took Greta, one of my little rescue dogs, out to run with me. She has many fears--especially of manhole covers. She darted to the right with each manhole cover we passed until the one that caused her to go the left where I tripped over her and landed on all fours (but didn't let go of the leash). My loose glasses came flying off and bounced across the street leaving me crawling around with a frantic dog in the dark, wet, street--blind as a bat. Things could only get better from there...

    Would like to check into LasiK but my husband thinks I'm too old for it to be cost effective. ;-)

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  3. As a wearer of glasses, I can definitely relate. Thanks for the humor and the great post.

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  4. Too funny! I'm too nearsighted to run without glasses or contacts, but before I got glasses, my eyes got pretty bad. I was in middle school and high school and vanity runs strong at that age. So I didn't let on how bad my vision had become. I learned to tell people by gait, height, voice, and other cues.

    But mistakes could still happen. I remember losing my mom at the mall one day. There were so many other female forms matching hers, and I had forgotten what Mom was wearing that day. So I had no choice but to sit down and wait for her to find me!

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  5. Ha! I resemble that remark ;)

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  6. I'm -7.5 in one eye and -6 in the other (plus over 2 worth of astimatism), so I don't do anything without glasses. I even got prescription goggles for swimming. But I hate to tell you, I am 52 and my nearsightedness is still getting worse (though I also need the equivalent of bifocals for reading).

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  7. Cute story...great pix! Hope you found them by now!

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  8. LOL!!! It happens to me all of the time...the far away mistaken identity thing. My problem is, according to the eye Dr. I have perfect vision. WTH?!?
    Have fun with it next time, introduce yourself "agai" and start saying things like " don't you remember me?" "yes, we met in Bali" or, "remember that night we were snowed in at Joe's house?" LOL

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  9. I hear you! From a person who forgot there glasses for work today-I can imagine how you feel. Too bad you weren't flirting with some really cute young guys!

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  10. And I still don't have my glasses. Where ARE those things??

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