Thursday, November 01, 2007

and Mom said HA!

So among the drama of finishing neither Soma OR my "bastard paper that's eating my life" (thanks for the new title, LBTEPA!) and listening to Britney's newest CD, a little drama has been playing out here that I thought I'd bring you in on.

So here's the setup: I have toaster streudels in my freezer. They are fake strudel with strawberry and creme cheese filling.
They are NOT real strudel; they are crap. I know this.
At the same time, they are like heroin. I must have them.


So, I keep them, and I allow myself one on any day that I run. They are to be savored, with tea or coffee, alone in my kitchen.
We all have our little indulgences. This is mine. Just let it go.

Last week, I had crazy days with nineteen parent-teacher teacher conferences in addition to my full days of work.
Since my schedule was upset I forgot to eat a couple of times, and by the ends of two days, I'd only racked up about 800 calories per. I had also ran two days in a row but and didn't have time for the toaster streudel goodness.
By the second day of running and sub 1000 calories I decided I'd better do something FAST or my metabolism would probably shut down and I wouldn't have any energy.

I thought about the streudels I had in the freezer. I thought about them all the way home.

I would have two of them.

Their fake trashy toasty goodness.

Mmmmm.

Turns out, Not. So. Much.

Mini-baboo, the teenager that eats almost anything that isn't attached to me, had found them, and even though they were a foreign item in the freezer (they're usually kept in the mini-fridge in our bedroom) he decided, what the hell, and ate them. All three of them. I came home, and found them gone.

When confronted, after a moment of silence, then he said, seemingly sincerely,
"Oh. My bad."

I came unglued. "NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE HAS TOLD YOU, 'MY BAD' IS NOT AN APOLOGY! I WANT MY FAKE STREUDEL! "

He said something like, "Jeez, Mom, get a grip," or something like that. I don't know. I-I think I went blind and deaf and just couldn't calm down. Finally, in a fit of anger and grief over my missing and unrequited craving, I marched upstairs and took his TV.

"Hey! No fair!"

"No tv until I get $6 or a box of toaster streudel," I shouted back.

"What? I only ate half a box! A whole box isn't that much!" retorted person who lives in my house and doesn't pay rent.

"I don't care. In the real world, if you steal, you have to pay it back AND pay a pentalty. This is yours."

For the rest of the week, he would occasionally broach the subject and I would snap, "$6! I want my $6!!" and thus held his TV hostage.

Tonight, for some reason, things came to a head. Maybe it was because I went grocery shopping and took and sharpie and wrote "Not Jon's" on most of the foodstuffs I bought. Or maybe it was because he really wanted to watch TV. Who knows. Who cares?

What resulted was that, after a weeklong standoff, Mini-baboo went to the store and came back with toaster pastries. In a box. At room temperature. Toaster pastries.

"Those aren't toaster streudel," I sneered. "They're generic poptarts. Do you remember where you found the toaster streudel? You found them in the freezer. you know why you found the toaster streudel in the freezer? BECAUSE THEYRE FROZEN!"

"This is so unfair!" Then more grumbling.
Then about 40 minutes later, a box of toaster streudel slid though the opening in the door.

"Now can I have my TV back," he whined.

"Yes," I said magnanimously.

I always get my way.

And he, he has learned a valuable lesson that, I think, will serve him well in his future as a significant other: You don't get in the way an insane, peri-menopausal woman and her snacks.


...

20 comments:

  1. I'll have to remember that!! Hostage TV. I love those steudel also.

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  2. Hahahaha. Thanks for sharing. Those things are good arent they? I haven't had one in years. Hmmm maybe I'll go get some.

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  3. awesome.

    well, that means he knows where the grocery store is.

    Heh. You can do a lot with this, you know...

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  4. I think he learned that what Mom wants, Mom gets - OR ELSE! Well done!

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  5. We are not worthy. Thankyou, O Great One

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  6. Shall we call Nanny 911?

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  7. OMG - LOL

    I would have done the same thing I think... don't you hate it when they do that...

    DO.NOT.TOUCH.MY.FOOD.

    ;)

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  8. Thank you!

    I was laughing out loud and my daughter wanted to know why...I said I just got some ammo. Of course she does not get it.

    I also love the Madness. So true!

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  9. Oh thanks for starting my day off with a laugh. It's so nice to know I'm not the only crazy (no offense) mom out there!

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  10. We use to hide our "special food" (or drinks). At least with only one kid at home, you know which one did it.Otherwise it was "Mr. Nobody" at our house who always stole the food, "borrowed" something, dirtied areas, etc..Ahhh, so glad those days are over..hang in there.
    :)

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  11. whoah.

    well, to be fair on mini-baboo, as a teenager i considered everything edible in the house to be open to my consumption.

    heh. he'll remember this when he has teenagers...

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  12. Honestly? This is *very* good training for when he is a husband. You're exposing his genetically male stupidness NOW and giving him a chance to fix it. Right on!!!

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  13. I don't know how to respond to that without sounding mysogenistic. (sp?) I don't consider young males to be stupid, just inexperienced. On the flip side, I consider most women, myself included, irrational and given to flights of hormone-driven insanity. He just needs to know that going in.

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  14. I am laughing uncontrollably because:
    a) I have atually held the TV hostage myself. Not just once but on several occasions in a fit of irrational anger at my children
    b) I have also had a complete meltdown becuase someone ate "MY" food. (It went something like "you people can eat anything in this cupboard/fridge... WHY did you choose to eat MY streusel rice cakes/yogurt/cereal/whatever weird food I never imagined you would find appetizing unless I really like it?!?!?!")

    PS: I hide "my" treats in the veggie/fruit drawer or in the oatmeal box......no one goes there but me, not a chance in hell they will find it there. But shhhhh- don't tell my kids.
    PSS: It also works to hide the keyboard and mouse to their computer OR to hold the powercord to the video game machine hostage, just for future reference....

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  15. j-wim, the veggie drawer is too funny.

    geekgirl, this reminds me of every january when I dare not touch those thin mint cookies in the fridge.

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  16. I thought I was the 'only' one who freaked out about special food items. Although mine is the brand name toaster pastries...in the all good for you Chocolate fudge. they are my reward for getting up at o'dark thirty in the cold to run....I don't toast them I eat them 'raw' and make everyone at work gag with them...but darn it if they don't go to my stash when they are hungry. They don't replace them either...maybe I will take a stand next time I find the chocolatey goodness missing...

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  17. hmmm...my first inclination was to forward this to my husband, and boss, and children who consider ME terribly high-maintenance and then I thought about it for a half a minute

    and concluded that Jon is really actually a messenger from God trying to save you from the evils of toaster strudel...

    and cream cheese ;-)

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  18. those things possess me. I'm totally with you on this one.

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  19. You rock. I will so totally do this to my child once he is old enough to steal my strudels.

    Which I had resisted buying for YEARS. Until I read this post and I was reminded how much I adored their fakaliciousness. And then I was at the store yesterday. Just for milk, mind you. But guess what else made their trashy fake foodie way into my cart?!

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  20. That is awesome. I have seen J-Wim turn into that same person on occasion when someone has eaten her food. It is not pretty. Glad you got some pastry goodness.

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