UPCOMING EVENTS for 2016: Puerto Rico Marathon (March), Virginia/Pennsylvania Marathon Double (April), Cedro Peak Ultra 45k (April), Quicksilver 50k (May) NUT 50k (June) Lake Tahoe Trail 50K (July), Cloudsplitter 55K (October)

It's never too late to be what you might have been. --George Eliot

Athena is the Goddess of wisdom and war. In 2005, I declared war on my own bad tendencies: sloth, being fat, compacency, and being too old for adventure. This is the story of how I went from being someone who never stood when she could sit, to being an ultrarunner, marathoner, and triathlete. Along the way I've cried, laughed, fallen, gotten up, lost, won, hallucinated, been dehydrated, DNF'ed, and been DFL.
I also swear. Alot.
"You're never too old to be what you might have been" --George Eliot

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Iron drama queen.

Ironman CDA is coming for me, roaring down on me.

I would be remiss to say that, obviously, I just want to finish IM-CDA. But there's a little more to it than that. See, the thing is, most of my life I've managed AD/HD. When you grow up with it, you acquire a lot of little demons. They whisper things at you when you're at your most vulnerable. Lazy. Incompetent.
Scatter-brained.

Most of my life, I've been chased by one little demon in particular: one that whispers in my ear:
You just got lucky.


When I got my first degree, I remember thinking, boy, I was lucky that the professors all liked me! There's other examples, but it's not useful to write about them. The result of all of it is that I make the following attribution to my achievements: If I did it, it can't be that hard or I just got by, or it was easy that day etc. etc. etc.

Triathlon is the first thing I've ever been able to do that was all me, no luck involved, and it's been great for my self esteem. It doesn't matter who you know. You do the work, and finish, or you don't, and then you don't.

But then, last year at Ironman Louisville last they extended the finishing time by 37 minutes. My finishing time, 17:19, the last official finisher. And there was the little demon again, whispering: Boy, lucky for you they extended that cutoff.

I've never admitted it, but that's bothered me a bit. Yes, I finished. Yes, I followed all the rules. But since my issue is 'getting by' it's pushed a very big button.

Lucky for you... lucky...

and all this goes back to the sneaking suspicion that really, I'm just not all that special, and

one of these days, everyone will know it. They'll all find out. Then they'll all know the truth.

There are cutoffs halfway on the bike, and the run. They aren't any different from the cutoffs I would have imposed on myself. But there they are, gnashing their teeth at me. Beat me! Beat me!

This time there will be no time extension by which I can hedge my bets. If I don't make the cutoffs (1:30 pm, pacific time, for the first bike loop; 5:30 for the end of the bike; 9 pm for the 1st run loop) then I'm done.

But if, when, I do make it, then I've really made it. Maybe the whispering, naggy self-doubt will stop. I guess. Now, I know before you tell me that all this sounds really, really stupid: I'm still me, whether I finish or not. But you know, we all have our demons, our buttons, and issues, and now I've told you mine.

I'm going to get up tomorrow and walk into the lake in Coeur D'Alene Idaho and head out, and try to beat the moon, and go Ironman a second time.

As Commodore says, this one Ironman doesn't doesn't define me.
It is nevertheless very important to me. More than I want to admit. So, In addition to my somewhat lacksadaisical training and legendary stubbornness and the many, many phantom pains I've dicovered that come an go right before a race, I'll take onto the course all the best of my friends to sustain me, including:

Pirate's Pragmaticism.
Duane's Hope.
Mary's Spirit.
Stronger's Strength.
Cody's Optimism.
AndraSue's determinism.
Cindy's encouragement.
Sweet Baboo's love.

This will be my last post until after the race.

BEAT THE MOON!!!!

...

71 comments:

  1. Beat the moon girl!! Cheering you on from AZ!!

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  2. Virtual cowbell from Canada comin' your way on the course tomorrow!

    Beat that moon, GG!!

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  3. I have that Hope picture in my room...and I hear what you are saying about the self-doubt. I admire you and your perseverance. You finished your Ironman, and you will finish this one, and even if you miss the cutoff, you will have done the work. You rock, Misty. Don't let your little demons tell you otherwise. Fly with your angels tomorrow, unwrap their cute little halos and beat the living shit out of your demons with them! There! That should do it! ;0)

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  4. You'll do fine. Just race your plan and let the rest take care of itself.

    Have a great day tomorrow!

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  5. I know you are going to do great! There are a ton of people out here rooting for you! Mostly importantly, have a blast!!

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  6. Luck is not getting struck by lightning or winning the lottery.

    Special is pulling yourself up every single time you get knocked down, raising 3 kids, going to college, getting multiple degrees, finishing an IM, being a mom, a teacher, a counselor, a friend, a funny writer an an inspiration to many. Special is Misty. And don't forget it!

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  7. You rock on,Misty! Beat the Moon! Tomorrow is a very special day for you because of the courage to face every challenge that you have faced and will face.

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  8. Beat the Moon and then HOWL at it with your loudest, proudest voice.

    I admire your strength, your determination and your ability to "put it out there" -- not just in training but in your posting the truth about some very real feelings. (I can relate to them all).

    Dig deep, do your best and have some fun out there.

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  9. Very open and honest post. You are an inspiration to many, and most of all, a great role model to your family. It is hard to accept yourself as you are and get through life in one piece, but you are doing a pretty damn fine job of it so far.

    BEAT THE MOON

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  10. I have never rooted for someone as hard in an athletic event as I am for you right now. I know you can do it. I am looking foreward to you knowing it also. Good luck Ultra-endurance Irongirl!

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  11. GO MISTY GO!!
    ((hugs))

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  12. & thank you for the compliment. That meant allot to me.

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  13. You WILL do this, you WILL be amazing and you WILL beat the moon, not because you're lucky, but because you've done the work to do it.

    Go kill 'em!

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  14. "I'm just not all that special?"...Don't talk about my friend like that!!

    Remember...buttoms were pushed and you pushed back. You are strong :)

    I hope you will carry one more thing with you tommorow...freedom. Janis Joplin says "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." What do you have to lose? People will know the truth? The truth is that you are a wonderful person. Beating a cutoff time doesn't make you a better person, it makes you a faster person. Being fast doesn't equal being special.

    Happiness can be found in making the journey, not in reaching the destination.

    I DO happen to think you will beat the cutoffs though, and I don't mean to minimize this goal or it's meaning to you in any way.

    You'll have another person thinking about you and rooting for you tomorrow! Many people care about you because you are the person you are.

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  15. oops...I said buttoms were pushed..hehe.

    also, thanks for the compliment.

    Big hug for you and your journey tomorrow :)

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  16. Thank you for sharing your self-doubts. So many of them sound familiar to me. I will eagerly await your results.

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  17. You are so ready!
    I'll be along for the ride the whole way - don't let me slow you down.

    Here's to beating the moon!

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  18. Beat the moon, girlfriend!

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  19. Don't let the demons get you down! I hope you get to enjoy the race you've trained so hard for. Beat the moon!

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  20. As IronSherpa volunteer out here at IMCDA, I'm scheduled to be a catcher at the finish line from 9 to midnight -- I'll see you there!

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  21. You go do it, girly! Even if you don't, *I* know you will. :)

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  22. I hope you have a really great day! Thinking of you right now...

    I pray you beat the moon but more than that I wish you could see the triathlete that WE see... you ARE the REAL deal. In everything you do.

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  23. Go Misty! Nice swim! Relax on your bike and trust your fitness. You're going to make it!

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  24. Great job so far!!!!

    Under your swim & T1 goals -- on your way to beating the moon!

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  25. Wow, congrats on beating your swim and T1 goals - can't wait to keep checking in all day!

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  26. First bike split in! Pedal against the moon, GG!

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  27. I'm rooting for you today! Just checked your live splits and your swim time was good and your first bike split was good too!! Keep it up!

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  28. I checked your times as soon as I got home! You're doing great, fabulous start, go Geekgirl go!

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  29. Out of the water and attacking the bike - go Misty!

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  30. Your post is eloquent and I am right there with you. Excellent, totally excellent.

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  31. Nervous that your next split hasn't been posted and it's been several hours since the last one - SB has already moved onto the run. Hope everything's OK!!

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  32. At last (stupid Athelete Tracker) Only 22 miles to go, Misty! You can do it!!

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  33. Hey Misty - you hurry up and rock the rest of the bike, and get on the run. This is for you:

    <cowbell>
    DINGA-DINGA-DINGA-DINGA-DINGA-DINGA
    DINGA-DINGA-DINGA-DINGA-DINGA-DINGA
    </cowbell>

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  34. Awesome! Bike's done, you can start the run to beat that moon!!!

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  35. Off the bike and away you go Misty! ARRROOOOOOOOOOOO!
    Run run run!!

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  36. You are doing awesome! Swim time was great and you made your bike goal! Baboo is doing incredible too!

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  37. yeeeeessssssssssss

    You are SO gonna beat that moon...

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  38. Good effort on the swim and bike. Time to beat the moon!

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  39. You're doing AWESOME Misty!!!

    Beat the moon, girl :)

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  40. I checked right after moonrise time and was all worried about you until I remembered - DUH! Timezones. You've still got loads of time.

    It's already far past bedtime here... here's hoping I get to wake up to Iron Misty Squared!

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  41. You did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  42. I just saw you!! You looked strong!!! Way to go, Misty!

    I am so happy for you and proud of you...you really knocked this IM out of the park...AWESOME!!!!

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  43. Now just sit down somewhere and SMILE AS YOU WATCH THE MOON COME UP!!
    CONGRATULATIONS DOUBLE IRON MISTY!!!

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  44. Congratulations, Misty! It was so great to hear your name called!

    Get some rest and tell us all about it tomorrow.

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  45. woooohooooo you did it (like we ever doubted it anyway).

    Can't wait for the blow by blow account of your day. Enjoy the basking glow of being an Ironman AGAIN......

    (you've beaten that "lucky" demon once and for all by the way - today was nothing but hard work, blood, sweat, passion and dedication - that doesn't happen by "luck")

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  46. Woke up at 3am in a hailstorm, checked your page - HOORAY! CONGRATULATIONS! (but how did others see / hear it? I couldn't find a video feed anywhere!)

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  47. Woo hoo!! Congratulations! You weren't "just lucky" - you were A-MAZING! You trained thoroughly and you put it all out there. I am so impressed and inspired by you!

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  48. Dear Misty,

    You beat that moon and beat it GOOD! I didn't even see it. Seriously, I tracked as long as I could and then I crashed, woke up and dashed to the computer to find you had triumphed! WHOOOOHOOO! Big hugs from Cinci!

    We all knew you would. I hope you know that too!

    Mary

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  49. GG, face it, you ROCK! Now do some *serious* basking in your accomplishment!

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  50. YIPEE!! You rock! Way to go!! You're not lucky.....you did it yourself!! Enjoy!

    TRI MOM!

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  51. Congratulations,girl! You did it!

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  52. Misty, congrats! You did it. So happy for you.

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  53. You did AWESOME!!!! No "luck" now, you are one bad@$$ lady who did IM on her own. Way to go!

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  54. Well, it looks like you made that "little voice" your bitch, huh?

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  55. You kicked the moon's proverbial a**!

    Congratulations on your SECOND well deserved, well earned Ironman finish and a HELL OF A PR! As always you inspire me to be better and go harder.

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  56. Yay! Way to go Misty!!

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  57. Congratulations!! Way to go on SHOOTING THE MOON! You got it, girl!!!

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  58. Once again you write a post that many of us can completely relate to. Then you go show us that our inner demons CAN be slayed!!!!! Way to silence those those little voices! Congratulations!!!!!

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  59. Moon beaten - great work!

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  60. Yay! Congratulations! You did it!!! So incredibly awesome. Can't wait for details.

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  61. Congratulations! DEFINITE basking time...

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  62. YOU ROCK!!! No more demons saying anything about cutoff times because you did it and YOU ROCK!!

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  63. I knew you would - and you did. Great job!! Whoo Hoo!!!

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  64. Congratulations, Misty!! You beat the moon by a mile. :) Can't wait to hear the details. Way to go!

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  65. HORRAY FOR YOU!!!!

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  66. That must have surpassed your expectations- you nailed all the goals. Congrats and I look forward to reading all about it. Once again, you're Iron.

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  67. Congratulations! Man, talk about a PR; more than an hour faster! I'm impressed. Well done.

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  68. You're a true inspiration! I am going to do my first triathlon this summer, thanks to you!

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  69. Congratulations!!! Way to stamp out the demons! You are awesome.

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  70. I followed you all day on the internet - Way to go!!! Can't wait to hear your story!

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