Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Forgive me diary, for I have sinned.

 Dear Diary, 
It has been two weeks since my last confession.  So now I'm playing catsup.
13. Diet. I am not a member of weight watchers any more. I joined spark people. It's free and they have apps for that, too.
12. Blind kitty, who was less than a pound and very close to death, is now over 4 pounds, and gets along very well with the dog. This is mostly because she can't see what's on front of her, so she doesn't run away from the dog. She's very much like any other cat except that when she sits on my ipad while I'm trying to use it, she is facing me.
11. Multisport. I went back to the pool two weeks ago. It was the first time I had been in a pool since 2010, I think. It was the first time I'd been swimming since august of last year.  The first week it took me forty minutes to do my routine: 100 yards with paddles, 50 yards kick, 50 yards alternate stroke, up until 1000 yards was done.  This time It took me less than 30. Then we sat in the hot tub, outdoors, for a few. I might even get on a bike one of these days. Heck, I might even do a triathlon!
10. #11 was posslble because Himself the Baboo surprised and delighted me by renewing membership in our favorite gym. We had dropped it a couple years ago to cut back.  And, since I am working six days a week now, we are establishing gym "dates." Each Friday morning we swim, and on Saturday night we go back over to do something else. Since he has been injured, he has been doing the eliptical, which we don't have at home.
9. Speaking of Baboo's injury, he had a cortisone shot, and it seems to have took. So, the Grand Slam is back on. 
8. I went back to my audiologist, finally, and had my hearing aid tuned up and a new audiogram done. Turns out you're supposed to have those every other year, and the tuneup every six months. I hadn't had a tuneup in a few years, and never had a new audiogram done after 2004. Oops. In any case, everything's the same: excellent hearing in my right ear, and moderate to severe loss in my left. Now that it's working properly, I'm back to wearing my hearing aid again.
7. I am very much continuing to enjoy my internship. I did a group this past week and it was lively with much contributing from participants, right up until the hour.  And, I finally get to see what I've read about in adults: a true manic state, florid psychosis, etc. e.g.,
  • God has given me the gift to be able to see signs.
  • Me: what kind of signs? How do the signs show up for you?
  • Sometimes if i listen carefully to the radio, certain words will stand out.  I can look at billboards and advertisements, and words will stand out that tell me where to go.
  • Me: is this how you came to be driving around that night, looking for the governor?
  • Yes. I know that if I can find the governor, I can advise and help her protect our borders. But you know, sometimes God has a sense of humor.
  • Me: and that's why you were out of gas, in the middle of nowhere, in your barefeet in the winter? Because God has a sense of humor? 
  • Yes. And because He was testing me.
And where do you go with that? I won't even go into the whole, "religion as a form of mass delusion" argument.  In many religions, they tell you that, "God does test you. He does give you signs.” So, at what point do you decide, "this is delusion" and, "this is religion"?  
I guess the answer has to lie in your level of impairment. If you're holding down a job and merely annoying family, neighbors and coworkers because you won't shut up about your beliefs, then you're religious. But if you're standing in the middle of nowhere barefoot in the middle of winter, out of gas, miles from the nearest city, on your way to advise the govorner about policy because God told you to, then you're delusional. But somewhere in between, the line is a bit murky, a bit fuzzy. And arguably, where that line lies may depend on your own beliefs. 
6.  I continue to explore ASL lessons in order to prepare for my next project: fluency in a second language. First I have started reading about the history of Deaf culture. Youtube is AWESOME for looking as signs as well. I have been doing an asl word-a-day. I also know how to say some swear words in ASL, thanks to this guy.
5. Today's word is LAZY. here is how to say I. Am lazy. In ASL. You point to yourself, and then make this sign:
It's an 'L' sign tapped on your upper left chest area.  

4. By the way, I mean no disrespect by my joke above about sinning. I am not Catholic, but I went to a Catholic girls' school for a couple years and I would never make light of the spectre of Catholic guilt. I had some as a result Catholic girls' school, for quite a while, and I'm not even Catholic.  My mother, an Agnostic, Insisted that I go, stating, those Catholics, they really know how to run a school. She was right, too. I studied French in the fifth and sixth grades and was taught to keep my mouth shut in class until one of the Sisters of the Sacred Heart had called on me.  And oh, how desperately I wanted to be Catholic. Have you ever seen Mermaids, the movie with Winona Rider? Her character-that was me.

3. My weight fluctuates between 151 and 155, bur my size has stayed the same. I really just cannot believe I wear this size. I will buy something a size 8 on ebay, and when it arrives, I hold it up, thinking, there is no way that is going on over my fat ass. But it does, every time.

2. I am sitting here typing this instead of working out. So, it's time I wrapped this up and got moving.

1. In honor of Valentine's Day I will gift you the most offensive Valentine's Day sentiment I've ever seen. Enjoy.


Monday, February 06, 2012

Motivation issues.

Dear Diary,

Well, shit. Its been an unusually cold winter. Wherer's my hairspray? (she said, standing outside and spraying the CFCs into the atmosphere...bitch, I don't car about global warming. I'm cold now.)

So I have yet to follow my training plan for one. Single. Week. What the hell is wrong with me? For whatever reason I get all weird when it's cold outside. So i tried asking myself the questions I had on my last post: 

What's the worst that could happen?

Seriously? You are reading the blog of the queen of worst case scenario and I have the expired prescription for Xanax to prove it. I could trip, fall into an arroyo into a pile of brush and not be found. Slowly, I would freeze to death as coyotes feast on my carcass.  Eventually, a gully washer would wash my remains down into the Rio Grande, and be covered over with silt and never seen again.

What's the likelihood of that actually happening

Pretty low, I guess.

Then why aren't you out there running right now?

Because I'm a giant wheenie. And a big wuss. A cold wuss. The pathetic part is that I'm also a heat wuss. Truth be told, there is a very narrow window in which I consider it acceptable to run outside, and it's between 50 and 65.  That's not as narrow as my cycling window, which is between 68 and 73 when it's partly cloudy and there's no wind.   But it's even more complicated than that. Behold, my decision-making rubric:


10-20 degrees F.            No.        Fucking.        Way.         Ever.

20-30 degrees F.         Nope.        Nope.         Nope.        Nope.

30-40 degrees F.         Maybe.        Nope.        Nope.        Nope.

40-50 degrees F.         Yes.          Nope.        Nope.         Nope.

50-60 degrees F.          Yes.          Nope.          Yes.          Nope.       

60-70 degrees F.          Yes.          Maybe.         Yes.          Nope.

70-80 degrees F.          Nope.       Maybe.      Yes.          Yes.

80-90 degrees F.          No.           Fucking.      Way.        Ever

So, as you can see, the ideal conditions are, well, my house. Or the gym. And the occasional spring or fall day. 

So long as it's not windy.

I should mention that I will hike on some of the cold blackout days. Like yesterday, when Baboo said, "hey, wanna go on a hike with me?" and I thought, heh. He's injured. How bad could this be? I should know better by now. Dammit. We climbed over 1100 feet in 3 miles. It was icy ladders and stairs, covered with sand, the whole way.

Meanwhile, I've generated another training plan. That I intend to follow. No, really this time.



 I'm no longer involved in multisport or endurance sports. I've started my own business, a psychotherapist specializing in anxiety d...