Adventures in Hunger

Dear Diary,

I've discovered what true hunger is.  True hunger is being in the food isle at Walgreen's and having trouble deciding what to buy because everything looks good.

 EVERYTHING.

Every crappy food on the shelf, even non-refrigerated steamable meals that are, in my normal opinion, slightly greater in quality and value than an MRE. They may be less.

Normally, I know that I must be hungry because I start "noticing" food, food ads, food signs, etc. Like, "Oh, KFC. I wonder if there's anything vegetarian there? Man, I miss fried chicken." or, "Oh, Wendy's. Their fries are awesome. Hey, frozen pizzas are on sale at Smith's"

But on the day that I had completed my 64th mile for the week (the most I've ever done in a training week, so far)  my stomach was wrapping itself around my spine, there in the isle at Walgreen's. A noise emitted from my contracting food bag that, I swear, made the guy standing further down the isle edge a little further away. I just tried to affect a neutral face like, noise?  what noise? 
No, that did NOT come from me, because I am a delicate flower.

Still, I couldn't decide what to eat. So many awful possibilities...I finally chose a reasonably low-fat Simply Asia noodle bowl, a can of tiny shrimp, and a can of crab meat, to get protein I need. It was a crazy 12 or some points in Weight Watchers, which means I will, literally, eat into my activity points for the week now.

I climbed the stairs back up to my office, and started opening things and preparing them for the microwave, and went downSTAIRS to microwave them, and came back upSTAIRS to find that MREs would have been better, because THEY come with UTENSILS.

After briefly considering using my Purel to disinfect two pens to use as chopsticks, I reluctantly came to the conclusion that I'm going to have to go get a spork. From the cafeteria. Which is downstairs. Down. STAIRS. 

I put my head down on the desk for a moment and tried not to cry.  Yeah.  Big baby.  My legs were tired.  I was so.  Hungry. 

I considered, for a moment, taking the elevator down one floor, but that would be ridiculous, even for me. But I considered it.

I went downstairs and got a spork, climbed the stairs again to my office, and ate my space meal, which amounted to a bowl full of barely flavored low-fat high protein nutrients with some flavoring. And then, inexplicably, I wanted some cheese popcorn.  But that will have to wait.

I've heard that you should carefully examine your cravings and they will tell you what nutrients your body is missing.  I've decided that is a bullshit excuse for people to give into their cravings. 

There is no reason for my body to crave most of the things that it craves.  There are no "missing" nutrients for me in coconut m&ms, cheese popcorn, a cherry coke, or fried ANYTHING.  None.  is my body short on oil?  How about carbon dioxide?  salt?  Nope, none of those things. 

I will accept that I have cravings for Advil and protein, but that's about it.  And maybe breading.

...

Miscellaneous mid-week stuff.

I hate night classes.  I have so much trouble winding down when my class ends at my bedtime.

I joined WeightWatchers Online again.  did I mention this already?  Again, it's not about size, body image. 

It's about how much my feet hurt hauling 175+ pounds over 30+ miles. 
that's 79Kg and 50km, for our international friends.

So.  I get 22 points a day.  It's based on your current weight.  I also get 35 points flexible points I can use any time during the week.  I like to blow them at the end of the week . These are my "cheat" points.

Baboo, being over 6', gets like, a million calories a day.  So he just eats and eats and eats.  I nibble.  I'm sure that, from his perspective, he's dieting, but to me, it's like he sits next to me with bushels of food and chows down.  But anyway, the first few days, I decided not to change my eating habits, and just to track them, out of curiosity.  I figure on a what is "reasonably" healthy and just track it.  This is what got me started way back in 2005.
Here's how it looked:

• Monday: The baker dropped off free herbed bread.  Also, I got a bad attack for sweets late in the day, and ate two candy bars (Twix and MilkWay Dark, for the curious).  Total points eaten: 37.5
  .
• Tuesday: Denise baked cookies.  There was more bread.  33.5 points.
  .
• Wednesday: More bread.  29 points.  I have noted that I get a sweet attack during the day, so I brought some light, fat-free yogurt, which helps. 
  And, hey: How come light fat-free yogurt is 2 WHOLE points?  No fair.  meanwhile, did I mention the lasagna?  Oh, oops.  I made this giant lasagna last Sunday.  Four-cheese, full fat, no holds barred.  We gnoshed on it when we got back from the ghost town run.  Of course, there were leftovers.  A whole weeks worth. 
  That may have something to do with my points.  Meanwhile.  I note that an orange is 1 point.  I love oranges.  Hmm.
  (If you're reading this, you'll note that I appear to have eaten my "cheat" points for the week, and it's only Wednesday.)
  .
• Thursday: I got back on the treadmill.  No candy bars.  No bread.  Yogurt and canned fruit in the morning.  I divide my lunch in half and eat part around noon, and the other part around 4.  Then I hit Boston Market in the evening for some steamed veggies, and a skinny dulce cinnamon (grande) latte from Starbucks.  Ta-daaaaa: 21 points for the day.  I'm workin' it.  I'm workin' it.
  I note that seitan, which is pure vegetarian protein, has way fewer calories than tuna.  I can take fish oil capsules, and save myself about 3 points, which I might be able to spend on bread.
  
  Tomorrow....yes, tomorrow will be different.  

It occurs to me that this appeals to me in the same manner that athletics appeals to me - I'm invested in shaving off seconds here and there, or points here and there.  It works for me.  You have to find what works for you. 

I cannot believe how many points bread is.  Did I mention it's crusty bakery bread?  I don't even put anything on it.  Crusty crust and a soft white interior. 

Oh, bread, why must you be so good?  Why must your siren song make my feet hurt from carrying so much of my ass around in an ultra?  WHY? Cheese I can understand, even candy bars, but how can something so fluffy and full of holes have that many calories?  Where are they all?

And Boston market creamed spinach.  SEVEN points for a serving.  SEVEN.  Crap. 

I will busy myself with diagnosing kids some more. 

Then a coworkers walks past my office with two loaves of bread. 

Oh, help me. 

...

Thursday Thirteen

1. I had a spinach feta wrap on Tuesday from STARBUCKS. If this keeps up, I'll have to start forwarding my mail there. Food, they have there now.

2. I can share a bit about my job at the VA, but just a little: one of my duties is to recruit patients for research studies. One of the studies specifically requires subjects have an existing psychotic disorder. So here's the scenerio, and I'll let you guess how it often ends: Good morning, Mr. ___. I'm from the government, and we want to study you.

3. I bought a Finis Tempo Trainer. I became interested in them Momo used one last year at IMCDA. I've been testing it out all this week. I like it. I tend to dilly-dally in the pool, mosy-ing a long, getting slower and slower - this keeps me focused on moving forward.

4. Since I've had to rethink my eating due to the thyroid thing, I am now trying to eat a tiny bit every hour most of the day, lots of fruits and veggies included. I stay around 1500 calories on training days. When I have longer events or workouts, I drink or eat extra calories.

5. The forecast for this Sunday at BSLT is 92. yay. I loves me some heat. Time to get out my "cool off bandana" I used this on the 96-degree run at Barb's Race last summer, and it rocks.

6. Sweet Baboo has nearly finished all his interviews for the job he wants. YES, this has been going on since December. So far, he's gotten good feedback.

7. I eat a hard-boiled egg every morning, peeling it into my trash can. I'm eating 2 cups of mixed vegetables every day with my lunch, which I heat in the microwave. This week, my mixed veggies are cauliflour, brocolli, carrots, and squash. Guess what my office smells like by noon?

8. I've accepted that this is a year of adjustment, and I'll be slower as I work on on how to train while working a regular 40-hour job, dealing with the thyroid stuff, et cetera. Next year will be a better year.

9. I talked to my Endocrinologist this week, and he agreed that we should up my medication. He didn't chide me or make me feel like a silly little girl, as I feared. I don't know why I feared that. But I did.

10. I'll be giving my bra from Moving Comfort its final test this weekend. It will get the "Lubbuck, in June" test. Then, I'll write my review.

11. I've lost my keys. Yes, again. Shut up.

12. Distances so far this month: 190 Mi Bike, 40.2 Mi Run, 9700 m. Swim. Kinda puny, but whaddaya want. I'm planning for this to double in July to get ready for the REDMAN Iron Distance.

13. Never forget that sometimes, when you attempt to do extraordinary things, you will fail. But then you'll pick yourself, and learn what you need to to know to go on and do other, extraordinary things.

...

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Higher-protein diet: FAIL

I've been trying this higher-protein diet for two months now, and it's not working for me. At first, for a couple or three weeks, it was fine, but then gradually, I started feeling more and more tired, very much like the personal experiences I've read. Really tired. Like, laying down on my office floor for 15 minutes twice a day tired. Like being too tired to exercise. And, my thyroid is not so off as to lay the blame on that. This latest feeling tired is really, really dramatic, and it's gotten really bad in the past month or so.

Whenever I have a client who comes in with complaints I always ask how long they've felt this way. Then I ask them about "exceptions".

• When do you not feel this way?
  
• What have you tried before that works?
  
• What do you do that makes you feel good?

Unfortunately it is a truth universal that I don't often take my own advice. It's easy to blame everything on a thyroid, but in truth, when I look back over my weight loss saga for the past 5 years, Baboo has helped me see that only one thing has worked consistently for me: the Weight Watcher's Point system. Thyroid or not, it works for me.

It's easy, I get to "earn" extra points by doing exercise, and every single time that I've been diligent about keeping those points (early 2005, and then again in early 2008), I've dropped about 2 dress sizes pretty quickly, hypothyroid or no, and had plenty of energy for workouts. Whenever I quit keeping the points, I'd gain a dress size or two.

Everything else I've done since then has not worked. So, I'm going back to the points system.

I looked at my diet for the past couple months, and I'm getting about nearly twice as many points a day as what has worked for me in the past. I've been retricting my carbs to make up for the extra protein that I'm supposed to get on it. Runners need more energy and carbs, not less. I was doing well on less protein in the past. I'm going back to my tried-and-true.

Of course, I am too cheap to re-join WW them and pay the dues. I have a copy of their points calculation formula in a spreadsheet, so I'm going to track all my food in SparkPeople, which is free (the formula for Excel is: =(B1/50)+(C1/12)-(D1/5) where you would input in cell B1 your calories, c1 your fat, and d1 your fiber.) See, boys and girls? There is a use for Algebra after high school.

Sounds like a lot of work. But I am so terrible at just "guessing" how much I've eaten. I have to track it. Everyone has their own thing that works for them, and clearly, this is mine. I have to take responsibility for myself instead of looking for ways out. Do I think the Synthroid will work for me? yes. But more importantly, I've had my own personal experience with a lower carb, higher-protein diet, and it's not for me.

...

In which I was a bad, bad girl.

Oh, c'mon. I know what you're thinking. I wasn't that kind of bad girl.

Yesterday, all I wanted was some Pseudofed PE, honest. And a sugar-free energy drink. I didn't have any coffee yesterday morning and by mid-day I was fading fast. Plus, the juniper-cedar count here is super high, meaning I'm all stuffy.

Sooooo, I went over to the hospital gift shop, where they keep bags and bags and bags of snacks. No, and BAGS. And bags. They beckon to me. Oh, how they sing their sweet, seductive crunchy song. In particular, Poor Brother's Sweet Maui Onion Kettle Fried Potato Chips. They, yes they, sang the sweeeeeetest song of all.

This wasn't a grab bag, either. or a "snack," although that's where I listed it for my calorie intake for the day. I mean, it's not like it was lunch, or anything.

Yes. In answer to your question, yes. The whole bag.

Then Baboo came back from an out-of-town day trip and suggested eating out, and well, hell yes, so I had PeiWei tofu and vegetables and lots of brown rice, because they make it better than anyone. Oh, and a large glass of Pino.

I didn't run yesterday, either. I forgot my pants. Can't run without pants. Or else I'd be the other kind of bad girl.

It's just so sad.

It doesn't, you know, matter that I'm 5'6". 3000 calories is still 3000 calories. A banner day for the eating machine known as me.

Today, I will forgive myself, and be better.

<-- Oh, and PUFFY. yes, I woke up, feeling like this.

...

Notes on things shaped like pyramids.

So I’m sitting in weekly meeting #2 of The Challenge. The speaker at the front of the room is conducting a question-and-answer session. The current topic is, as always, one of the sponsors who is mentioned in nearly every email and handout.

You don’t have to use them, the speaker assures the crowd. But they’re so much easier that going it alone! Gawd forbid you sit down with charts and all that complicated stuff, when you can just measure scoops of powder and get all you need from “whole food” powder shakes.

There is a display of the products set up, and little anecdotes: You know, Kyle and I are just so busy when we get home, too busy to cook – so I just mix up a little shake, and voila! Dinner is served. All I have to ask is: Peanut Butter, or Chocolate?”

They talk a lot about toxins built up in our bodies that simply must be cleansed.

They talk about this a lot, even though there is nothing to support it in the medical literature. If you cleanse out the toxins, they say, you'll feel so much better. You'll lose weight. It. Will. Change. Your. Life.

I look around the crowd, earnest, hopeful faces. I hope future happiness isn't hinging on “whole food” powders, as they write checks to a promise to change their lives.

So why am I doing this? Well, the structure, and the proceeds go to charity. It's a contest, also, where your before-and-after pictures and essay are judged, so I joined for fun and, well, "the challenge." I have gotten some very good information about diet and exercise from the book they gave me and the handouts that is separate from the constant push to sell the product.

My stuff is from Kroger or Costco, including the 6-8 glasses of Crystal Light I drink despite dire warnings that Splenda is just one atom away from pool treatment and will just make me so toxic that nobody, not even me, will be able to stand me and Baboo may immediately divorce me. Or something.

I look around at the couples who are talking. They are clearly interested in the pitch. Some are disappointed when they find out the prices - Introductory programs are $200, $300, and up. I can't afford it, their faces say. That hopeless look makes them an easy target for a good pitch man to move in for the kill:

We give you the opportunity to earn money immediately every time you personally enroll an Associate with us. We offer you a one-time Product Introduction Bonus of $10-$80 for each new Associate you personally enroll, when they order an optional Product Introduction Pak at time of sign-up (within 60 days for a President's Pak).

Cheap, simple changes are easier to maintain. My weekly resistance-training plan and eating tracking is on SparkPeople, using my body weight or resistance bands. Since I can't run right now; I'm power-walking several days a week during lunch, with a longer hike on weekends. I've divided up my eating into 6 small meals a day and increased my protein intake and eat the bulk of my calories in the first half of the day. When I gain weight, it's because I ate too much and moved too little. Simple.

I notice a pretty, but very large woman sitting alone. She looks in her checkbook and then back up to the stage, considering. She's going to do it, I think. She's going to spend a couple hundred or more on this stuff.
Oh, do I know that naive, desperate feeling.

They couldn't say it if it weren't true, could they, she might be thinking, it must work...I want so badly to be thinner. I know I would be happier if I were thinner...

She looks hopeful. I’m hopeful for her. I hopeful that she eventually figures out that to feel better about herself, she doesn’t need all those white plastic canisters up on stage.
Canisters that are, ironically, stacked in a pyramid.

...

Random thoughts in the middle of week 2 of "The Challenge"

My hair is moving past that awkward, growing-out stage and approaching a point where I can tie it back if it displeases me. This morning, I decided that I liked my mirror image, and it was a good day.

This morning I was asked, by a coworker with no stake in the asking or the answer: Are you losing weight? Your pants look looser. It is rediculous how happy such an offhand question can make me.

Why, yes, the pants are looser, thank you. I've lost 6 or 7 pounds; before long, I may be able to expand my work wardrobe beyond the very narrow range that currently fits me and into the stuff that's been relegated to the "too small" section of my closet.

Issues: Contrary to questions I've received, I'm not, em, "gassy". However... (64 ounces of water a day) I am like the proverbial racehorse. Not in that I'm sleek, powerful and fast; more that I am in the bathroom All. Day. Long. I am NOTHING if not well-hydrated.

And, as I was telling DP, I actually feel better this week. My skin is clearer, and I feel less bloated. What felt like a very restrictive diet now feels more normal this week, and some of the nastier cravings have subsided. I'm averaging between 1600 and 1900 calories a day. My energy is good, too, and more stable, thoughout the day. I'm not getting the post-lunch sleepiness.
??
Maybe this is how I should be eating - maybe, for my body type, maybe I'm supposed to be getting more lean protein? It would fit with all the stuff I've read about endomorphs.

I am making use of stuff I can get at Costco, such as EAS protein powder, Premier protein bars, Yoplait light yogurt, Boca Burgers, Vanilla soy milk, and a Costco version of Egg Beaters (PS: Egg beaters are real eggs; they just have the yolks taken out.) The Yoplait light is fat-free and sugar-free. I switched from crumbled blue cheese/feta cheese to Wishbone light blue cheese dressing. Big savings with respect to saturated fat.

I had my first cheat meal last week, and it was a gargantuous bowl of popcorn, and even then my caloric intake for that day didn't go over 2100.

Resistance training: I bought a couple of resistance bands and a pair of "Pushup-Pro" things to make pushups easier on my wrists. I took these things to work, and started using during my morning and afternoon breaks in my office. My arms hurt. Ow. Upper body work is Tuesday/Thursday, and Lower Body Work is Monday/Wednesday. I work about 15 minutes, tops, each workout. Lunch time is walk (or, when the IT band heals) jog time.

I did not do the 18 miles I was planning on Sunday. I woke up feeling my IT band, and decided to take the day off. I think this Saturday I may return to spin, depending on how my IT band is doing. We'll see.

...

Notes from the week.

Here's some graphs from LifeForm:

Training this week:
I power-walked between 2 and 3 miles Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday during my lunch hour.
Saturday, Sweet Baboo and I did a 5-1/2 mile hike in the foothills behind our new abode. Tomorrow, I'll be power-walking 18 miles down Tramway and back.
That's a total of about 32 miles this week. Not bad for someone who can't run right now.

I'm going to be working this next week on bringing down the fat some: especially the saturated fat.

So, I went to the first "THE CHALLENGE" meeting this past Thursday. They provided us in the beginning with a really nice log book and guidelines for eating, and each time we go to one of these meetings I get one or two pieces of truly useful information that I wouldn't have gotten had I not attended.

But. the rest of the time Sweet Baboo and I spend rolling our eyes and masking our skepticism. And sighing deeply. I have never met a people so invested in the cleanliness of their colons and so eager to sell me something called Isogenics. No, I don't want to hear your success story and how much you owe it all to Isogenics. Thanks.

Puh. Leeze.

They gave us a checklist of things that make you toxic. Apparently, my body is a Superfund site. What follows is a short list of things I do that make me toxic:

...wearing makeup, coloring my hair, eating splenda, drinking tap water, drinking bottled water, (??) eating non-organic food, living within 100 miles of non-organic agriculture, bathing in tap water, washing my clothes with regular store-bought detergent, wearing deodorant and/or antiperspirant, wearing lotions and/or sunscreens, swimming in a chlorinated pool, driving my car every day, never having had a colonic...

In the contest between me and Baboo, I won: I'm the most toxic, mostly due to my vanity, although, as men go, Baboo is awfully clean and he was a close second. We have to have our priorities, right? I've claimed mine. Apparently, in order to be non-toxic, I have to be plain, ugly, sunburned, dry-skin, dirty, and smelly. I'm far, far too vain to be non-toxic.

Well, I'll show 'em. I'm determined to finish THE CHALLENGE as a makeup-wearing, hair-dying, water drinking vegetarian who sucks down a LOT of Splenda and hasn't had one enemas or colonic.

And that's all I'm going to say on the matter of poo and all things related to poo, because I personally never cared much for it in conversation except perhaps among the closest of friends seeking some sort of advice. Even when my kids were little I didn't talk about it, and couldn't understand why anyone would. The end.

Oh. And I bought one of these. and also one of these. I can't wait until they get here.


...

What Title 9, Team Estrogen, and others need to know.

Thought for the day: Some endurance fashion that will just never look right on me. Accepting this is part of recovery.

1) Running skirts. RBR's post reminded me of my love/hate relationship with these. I own about eight of these little bastards. Oh, they are incredibly cute on the hanger, and on tiny little people like DP. I have some black ones, two pink ones, and a blue one. They are ADORABLE (high, squealy voice).
DP, goes on and on and on about how much she hearts her running skirts. And on.

But. I simply don't have the inner thigh clearance required to actually exercise in one of these. I am, hands down, an endomorph. Oh, I know what you're thinking, But, some have little shorts in them!

THOSE are the worst - the heart-breaking promise that is the little shorts. Within two minutes into the run they've rolled up as far as they can until they are, effectively becoming thongs, and then I spend the rest of the time pulling them back down again. I had one, just one experience with chaffed thighs when I wore one of these in a half marathon. Never again.

I'm not buying any more. I mean it. No, really. I do.

2) Low-rise pants and shorts or same with the waistband rolled down. Please. Do I even need to mention these? Unless I can get down to about 18% body fat, these will never, ever look right on me, and let's be honest: after carrying 8, 9, and 10-pound babies in the same 6 year period, muffin top takes on a whole other meaning separately from the Seinfeld reference.

3) My regular pants. How come when I gain weight, they get shorter? More importantly, do I want to know the answer to that question?

4) Hats/Beanies/Caps. I don't like what these do to my hair. I wear visors and bands instead. Yeah. I'm that vain.

5) Running Tights and capris in any color but black. I really don't at this point have the type of body that looks sleek in these clothes. Even in black I often wear extra jackets or shirts that I've discarded tied around my waste to cover up what I perceive to be my most glaring imperfections. I've tried bright red bike shorts (bad idea) and bright blue tights (even worse idea). Told you I was vain.

~~~~~~

Day 4 of "The Challenge" rambling: It's getting easier. I find that the hardest part is getting started; after a couple days of working out meals I get into a schedule that works for me, and then it's just been a challenge to get in all my eating.

Even though I'm a vegetarian, it's been surprisingly easy to get in lean protein sources. For example, first thing in the morning I blend together 2 cups of vanilla soy milk, 2 scoops of vanilla protein, 2 shots of sugar-free coffee flavoring syrup, and a double-shot of espresso, and voila: 45 grams of protein. That's about 1/3 of my daily requirement on this program.

I tried Wishbone light blue cheese dressing to replace the fatty crumbled cheese that I tend to like on my salads, and it's pretty good. I heart my evening salads, to which I add a small amount of dried cranberries and other dried fruits and nuts, and my light blue cheese dressing. It's a daily treat that I eat with relish.

I'm about 3-4 pounds down. I'm still having trouble getting in all the water, but was notified by one of the Challenge organizers that I can add crystal lite, so that will make it easier.

Sweet Baboo, meanwhile, gets a daily allotment of about a million calories. Damnit.
...

OMG, I weigh HOW MUCH??

My first thought when I saw this was, how did Roman find that picture of my ass?

Then I looked again and thought, oh wait, no, her hair's too long.

Last fall after I ran Palo Duro my tibia was clearly damaged. AND I was unemployed, for the first time in my life. Well, partially employed. In any case, I sat around for a month or two feeling sorry for myself and doing NOTHING except maybe a couple spin classes here an there. And eating. Oh, yes. Eating eating eating eating. Then I started my new job with work clothes that were too tight. The kind of tight where you say, Okay, I can wear this, but I can't eat.

Or drink....... Or take in too much of a breath.

Still, I ignored the obvious and started my job, which involves mostly, well, sitting on my butt. Then I joined the world of the people who say CAN'T a lot with respect to training and exercising and then oh, how the butt did spread.

My come-to-Jeebus moment was this past Saturday, when I was weighed and measured for the "before" statistics for The Challenge New Mexico, 2009. I will post these when all is said and done - that's my vow, but for now I'll tell some of the ugly truth:

• Size: 14. ish.
• Weight: 175.
• Body Fat: 36% or 41%,
  (depends on which impedance scale you follow)

That means...I'm carrying approximately between 63 and 71 pounds of fat. OF FAT. OF FAT.

I feel pretty ungainly, especially when--shudder--the day I reached for the pantyhose on the bottom rack. You might know the ones: They have a big Q on them. Like being Queenly is supposed to make me feel good in that respect.

No wonder my IT Band is pissed off. I'd be pissed off, too, if I was trained to carry a 155 pound load and suddenly was forced to carry 20 extra pounds!

I suspect that somewhere underneath all the, uh, fat that there are some muscles. Maybe I can just uncover them, and all will be forgiven. The purpose of the Challenge is to lose fat and build lean muscle. In order to build lean muscle I'm supposed to get something in the ballpark of 130 grams of protein a day, which I have never done, as well as resistance training, which I've generally, well, resisted. This is only a 10-week program, so I'm going to treat it like a jump start to having a leaner year.

Changes I have made so far this week:

1. Switched from putting crumbled blue cheese on my salad and switched to fat-free blue cheese dressing. Savings: 55 calories and 8 grams of fat.
2. eating 1 serving of oatmeal instead of 2. Savings: 170 calories.
3. I power-walked 5K for lunch instead of sitting. My meals I eat at my desk. Burned: about 300 calories.
4. No more mayonnaise, or fried potato chips. :-( b ye bye, my one true love...
5. Switched from candy bars to a protein bar. Savings: 100 calories, and added 20 grams of protein to my diet.
6. Eating 6 small meals instead of 3 big ones. First meal is a protein shake with sugar-free flavorings and espresso. Yummm.
7. No carbs allowed after 5 pm. So, most of my workouts will be before noon on weekends, and during my lunch hour at work.
8. Lots of fat-free dairy. Like, fat-free cottage cheese, fat-free yogurt, fat-free cheddar, fat-free dressings.
9. Egg beaters instead of eggs. Savings: per serving, 28 grams of fat (I think) and 250 calories.

I plan to throw in enough extra calories and carbs to cover my weekly long runs, but only enough to cover them.

Caution. This is a 10-week program. I don't think I could do this for much longer than that. It's pretty restrictive, and especially for endurance sports you generally need more carbs than this.

So far, I'm really full from all the water and peeing constantly. You're welcome for that visual. We'll see how that goes. I'm using SparkPeople to track my eating, along with LifeForm. Spark people is easy to reach anywhere that you have an internet connection. LifeForm can be used without the internet connection on my laptop, plus it makes cool graphs. Which I'll post weekly.

...

Another >yawn< Weight Loss/Dieting Resolution.

Happy 2009! I've been too busy to make New Year's resolutions, so I've got some general goals. here they are:

1) Finish my first 50-miler.

2) Do 10 pushups. In a row (Yeah. Um, well, that was the resolution last year, and I got pretty close but then I got distracted and quit and am now back to a soft, noodly upper body. Perhaps, to punish myself, I'll make it 20. And video it.)

3) Still not eating chlorella. Or swimming in it, either.

4) OMG, I've gained enough weight during injury recovery and new job transition crap to have actually started developing a double chin! AND, my clothes don't fit! AND, my knees hurt when I run! AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!

Okay. Breathe.

Accordingly...

First, I did a 4-mile power racewalk/hike with a tiny bit of jogging on New Year's day (Go, Me!) and one on New Year's eve, and I finally feel like my cardiovascular self is back to normal. I'm living at 6000 feet, which helps, I think, and I've been working on these trails a couple times a week all during December.

Of course, now that my tibia thing has healed, I'm having ITB issues. OH, HELLOOO MR. LEFT ITBAND. I THINK I MET YOUR BROTHER, RIGHT ITBAND LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME?

Fuckers.

Still, I did the hikes averaging under the pace I need to finish at the Ghost Town next week NEXT WEEK NEXT WEEK, OMG!! But best of all, it's a doable sub-hour 4-mile trail hike/run loop right by my house . I LOVE having a known routine so that I can just get moving and zone out.

Second, I've noticed that I eat less without Mini-Baboo around. I think it's because of the creeping worry that, 'OMG, I HAVE TO EAT NOW BECAUSE THERE MIGHT NOT BE ANY FOOD LEFT SOON' that's been persistant in my life since my oldest child learned to open a refrigerator back in oh, 1986. (And you're not allowed to put locks on the refrigerator. I've asked.)

Third, I've joined The Challenge.

DP did this in 2002 or so, and since becoming My Official Dieting Boss Lady last year, DP often calls me up to tell me about such things. Usually, I hem and haw and give all manner of excuses, but not this is the jump start I need to get some of those pounds off that I gained during October and November while waiting for my tibia to heal.

I know that the extra muscle will help me in ultrarunning - I found that out at Palo Duro after doing 6 weeks of core work; it made a HUGE difference in how I felt after running 31 miles. Plus, as DP says, it's got accountability built into it, and you can get "free" information from professional nutritionists. Um, excuse me, I'm a strict vegetarian ultra runner - can you help me out with the whole carb thing?

Not to be outdone, of course (who wants a wife that can beat them up?) Sweet Baboo will be doing it with me.

It involves before (shudder) and after photos, skin fold tests, and weigh-ins.

As one famous blogger I know says, "Stay Tuned..."

...

So I started doing the 5 or 6 small meals a day thing, which helps me control my eating more. I'm less likely to eat impulsively if I have a small amount of food throughout the day, and my willpower is stronger. I know it's healthier, but I've never been able to pull it off because I'd be teaching classes all day, so it was HUGE breakfast, small fast midday meal, HUGE FATTENING and DESPERATELY LARGE AFTER WORK SNACK, and then supper. I could maintain this crappy eating style because I was on my feet all day. Now I'm on my butt all day.


So far, the scale hasn't budged. But I feel thinner. Maybe that's just hunger. Couple of things.

1) There are two required meetings that I go to each week and so far, everytime I've gone they've had some sort of food there. It's not, like, low-fat yogurt and granola. No, it's like muffins, or bagels and Shmear or birthday cake. Yikes. I've found that if I eat a quick snack before the meeting it's much easier to say, "No thanks," I'm tempted to say, if asked, for my birthday, I'd like a nice tofu salad and bowls so that everyone can share.

2) There are a distressing amount of people here with large bowls of candy on their desks. It's always a huge variety of candy, too, meaning that no matter how quickly I avert my eyes, they are bound to settle on something that I truly L-L-LOVE. Everytime I see one of these bowls, I want to throttle their owner.
DON'T YOU KNOW? Can't you tell? How poor my willpower is? PUT THIS AWAY!

Or, maybe I'll just put on my big girl panties and deal with it. It's temptation. When I'm not trying to cut 15 pounds for a 64K run I might try one now and then. Meanwhile, I have to learn that not everything that tastes good has to be eaten nowNOWNOW and, I can abstain.

3) The way the small meal thing works is that you don't skip the small meals. EVER. Yesterday I was to have lunch with a friend, and she was about an hour later than I expected. By the time she showed up, I was ready to gnaw on my arm. I felt sick and angry at the world and thinking to myself, Oh, so this is hunger. Hunger sucks.

4) I had SparkPeople to make a little quick strength routine for me, using my bodyweight. It includes exercises I have traditionally avoided, like lunges. So, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I shut the door for 15 minutes in the morning and again in the afternoon, and do them in my 6 x 12 office. Everything thinks the decorative rug I put down is just pretty, but what it is is very cushiony for doing floor exercises. I've arranged furniture to do this. The routine is simple, 2 sets of 12-15 reps:

• Pushups, Plank (60 seconds hold, not reps), back extension, crunches, and crunches with a twist (morning)
• Forward lunges, squats, Calf raises, then stretching (afternoon)

Tuesdays and Thursdays, I run during lunch. M-W-F I'm going to try to speedwalk during lunch. Sweet Baboo insists that I should be running more, but I'm also running Friday evenings and Sundays, so I'm okay, I think. Occasionally, I'll probably miss a workout, and once the days get longer and start heating up I'll have to switch running to the morning before work, I guess. For now, this works.

BTW, Sweet Baboo did get the promotion. Shhhhhh. It hasn't been formally announced yet.

I bought this new oatmeal that we found at the local grocery story, it's Kroger brand Active Lifestyle Oatmeal. It had a lot of fiber and was on sale and had enticing pictures on the front. Go ahead and skip it; it's fairly bland. I'll finish what we bought, but I like Quaker's Simple Harvest oatmeal much better.

I'm learning a lot about psychotic disorders and symptoms, and pretty soon they'll begin training me on doing neuropsychological assessment, which sounds very cool. Meanwhile, I accidentally left my door open about a foot today and SMILE! guy stopped and talked to me for nearly 20 minutes. Of all the skills I've learned so far, extricating myself from conversations for which I do not have time are not one of them. Need to study this.

...

Willpower, Come Find Me!

The school year is about half over, and Mini-baboo has half of his senior year left. He is scheduled to ship out June 14th. He's leaving next week for 2 weeks with relatives in Dallas, and after that, there will be only 6 more months left. I took this quiz today on the "Empty Nest" syndrome at iVillage. Here are some excerpts from my results:

...Before you leave skid marks flying the coop, however, remember that you're still a mom, even if you officiate over an empty nest. It's important that your kid not feel rejected or abandoned while you cavort all over the world and savor all this new freedom (Italics mine)...So relish this fabulous new phase in your life, but don't forget to check in on your little chickadee -- even if you're calling from a cell phone as you sail down the Nile.

I don't know about you, but that seems like a mile rebuke, doesn't it? My kids all have cell phones now. I send them a text now and then, but if they need me, they can call me.

Anway.

I ran today during lunch and got in about 3 miles. For the first time since I went back to running almost 2 weeks ago I didn't have burning legs. Up to now, the first 2 miles they burned so much I almost couldn't walk. Today, there was some momentary discomfort but then after about a quarter mile, it was gone. I ran a few intervals on the magic .9 mile dirt track that Sweet Baboo and I discovered near work. In fact, it's a bit over 1/2 mile run from our offices, so that running out and back and doing 2 loops around gives us about 3 miles. I'm planning to do this for lunch 3 times a week.

I've gone back to tracking my food, and also to eating a package of oatmeal in the mornings for breakfast, which seems to make it easier for me to stick to my diet, for some reason. This morning it was someone's birthday and I allowed myself 1/2 piece of pumpkin bread. For two days in a row I've actually stuck to reasonable eating, and usually once I get this far I can get back on track. Believe it or not, to this point, I haven't been able to muster up enough willpower to get through one day of sensible eating, not since September.

So my routine now is, I have a sugar-free soy latte for breakfast, and then when I get to work I have one serving of instant oatmeal, and then around 10:30 or so I have a small BocaBurger, and the after my noon workout I have a small snack. Supper is light. I was inwardly blaming Sweet Baboo for my diet foibles, since he takes us to restaurants after our long workouts that have some of my favorite foods, but what can I say? I can get low-calorie meals there. I can't blame him for my lack of willpower!

When I'm at my fittest, I weigh about 15 pounds less than I do now, but I'm also doing a lot of hill climbing and I muscle up fast, so I can't really depend on my scale for the story of how I'm doing on my diet. Also, the scale makes me feel bad about myself because well, I don't know; 170 pounds just seems hideously heavy. So, since my scale is largely unreliable as a measure of fitness AND makes me feel bad about myself, I'll pay attention to how my clothes feel instead. I have certain clothes that fit well when I'm at my fittest, and I know what they are, and if they don't fit right they'll be no way around it because I sit a lot now, and you know how tight clothes feel when you try to sit in them for long periods of time.

This Saturday, I'm attending a meeting of the New Mexico Race-walking Association. I'm pretty excited about it. I have no illusions of being able to race-walk a half-mary in 1-1/2 hours, like the champion race-walkers but I do plan for this to provide to very excellent recover and cross-training skills, and to speed me up during my walk intervals in marathons.

So that's it, so far, I guess. Tomorrow Sweet Baboo finds out if he got the promotion he was hoping for. Cross your fingers, or whatever works for you, and send good thoughts his way. He's worked a long time for this, and of course as his completely unbiased mate I believe he is the very best qualified :-)

...

I hate hills just a little less these days.

This week...

I finally got my license, sorta, and signed a contract down at the counseling center. I is all legit an' stuff.

Today Cindy and I did some hill climbs near my house...I've seen, but never climbed these hills. It was hot. I took my trusty Trek 1000 with the triple chain ring out, not testing it beforehand. I hadn't ridden this bike in about 2 years.

I don't recommend this, by the way. Especially if other people have used said bike in the interim. Turns out, as I figured out as soon as I mounted it, that it was set up for my much taller son Mini-me to ride. I could barely extend my legs to the bottom of the pedal stroke and I could barely reach the bars. But I CLIMBED those hills.

As ShyTryGirl says, do you what you hate. I used to hate running, and then I did a bunch of marathons, and now I love it. Now I hate cycling hills. Is there any hope that one day I'll love cycling hills as much as I love running them?

Both Cindy and I forgot our Garmins, and MapMyRide is being a bit, shall we say, BITCHY today and not giving any elevation profiles, but soon I'll share the elevation with you, so that you'll be aghast and amazed that I got off my fatt but and actually cycled some HILLS.

Meanwhile, in one of my many efforts to economize, I've switched over to SparkPeople (thanks to TigerLily who told me about it). Both WeightWatchers are pretty good, but SparkPeople is free, and also includes a gentle nudge toward a more balanced diet. I've been trying it for nearly a week now, and I have to say I'm impressed - gives you lots of options. Apparently the founder of eBay, after selling it falling buttz over heels into money, started this because he wanted to do create a website for people to help them lead healthier live that would be free. You get points for doing various things and I'm a sucker for tokens...as my finish medals will testify.

I've started doing upper body weight stuff: side laterals, front raises, tricep extensions, and shoulder presses, crunches, something called the "plank" and pushups. I do these twice a week, for about 40 minutes now. I think I have pretty good swim form, but my upper body is pretty noodly. I tried a "plank" and nearly passed out when I got to 60 seconds of it.
However, I am proud to report that I can the following:

Two. Whole. Pushups.

Not the girly ones, either.

After posting this, I'm going to finish packing for the La Scorchita, which starts tomorrow night at midnight in Fort Worth. Because I am all kinds of crazy these days.

...

Found. Eaten. Oh, Help me!

Found this at the grocery store today. i went int there to get some fat-free frozen yogurt.

yeah. So...

Have I ever mentioned how much I LLLlllllooooooove coconut? I even have coconut cologne that my daughter bought me from Bath and Body works

Oh, boy....

The fact that this stuff exists means that the world has become a very dangerous place.

...

Iron dieting.

This week marks the second taper week heading into IM-CDA, and I'm working on adjusting my eating for recovery and the decrease in activity. Mmy workouts include yoga, a 2 mile swim (or thereabouts) , a short run, some spinning, and a mini-brick, including all three events, on Friday.

I've been eating like a PIG. In weight-watchers, you earn extra eating priveleges by working out. One time I ran 10 miles and earned enough to eat a half pizza. I've been careful to just fuel my workouts, most of the time, and I've lost 10 pounds.

Now that I'm tapering, though, I have to eat lighter. Right now I'm eating mostly lean protein and lots of antantioxidant foods: fruits and vegetables, soy foods, and lots of water. Next week, the calories will be shifted over to lean carbs and lots of antioxidant foods. It looks like my race weight is going to be about 156 lbs (11 stone, ~71 kg)

I'm taking in lots of electrolytes, since drinking lots of fluids without electrolytes can flush them right out of your body. With an IM coming in about 12 days, I need to hang onto all the electrolytes I can hold onto. So, I've been drinking lots of sugar-free sports drink.

PS: If you've decided to make it your mission to warn others about the dangers of artificial sweeteners, no offense, but I'm not interested. Thanks.

Not much more to say. I guess I'm a bit cranky. I'm missing my post-workout binges.

...

Ways to feel good again.

Okay, so I have some rotten students. But then I hear about the really, really, really good kids that I know are out there and then I feel better.

Have you heard about this girl who was carried around the bases by the opposing team after hitting a home run?

Be prepared to seriously sniffle:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/05/07/girls-sports-and-sportsmanship/

Also making me feel good today:

I mean, am I like the last person in the world to know about Quaker Chocolate Rice Cakes? They're 60 calories, about 1.2 WeightWatcher points each. I've already had four of them.

Okay. Maybe that's defeating the purpose of low-cal food to eat half the bag of it, but I needed some feel-good stuff.

Two more days of teaching left.

...