Sunday, January 27, 2013

Here in 2013...I'm the new me.

Dear Diary,

I have a very funky sort of giraff patterened bra from Victoria Secret that I love, and every now and then I get it from the back of my drawer and I ask myself, why, this is an awesome bra; why don,t I ever wear it? Then I put it on, get dressed and go to work. About 9 am, I start to feel the prickly spot in the seam of the bra near the top of my right breast. It rubs, and irritates, and no matter how bright the light i have never been able to see what it is that is that IS STICKING ME THE RIGHT TIT AND HOLY CRAP WHAT THE HELL IS THAT AND WHY CAN'T I SEE IT, IT FEELS LIKE A CACTUS NEEDLE!! Eventually I get a bandaid to cover the irritated spot and then I take o.ff the bra, and then I think, I can't give a dirty bra to goodwill. so I wash it, then I forget that it is EVIL. I fold it neatly, and put it in the back of the drawer. Why, I don't know. Probably because it's pretty, it was expensive, and barely used.

Today, I put it in the Goodwill bag. Finally. Maybe someone else can figure out what is wrong and fix it. I'm not putting myself through that any more. I sold four books so far this month. I am $26 richer and have freed up at much space.

Eight years ago I started this blog. I was about to turn forty, and I weighed 194 lbs. All I wanted was to be able to get to the top of a flight of stairs without swearing. I never planned to do a 62 miles run, much less and Ironman.

Three months ago, I tried a low- carb diet and it was a disaster. Mostly, I just couldn't stick it out past the first two weeks of fatigue and headaches. Still, there was something about it that just made sense. I decided to try it again, but only after lots of reading. I'm not a sheep. so, There are lots of variations, ranging from Atkins to Paleo. I've decided to make decisions, based on what I know I like among healthy foods.

First, i like things that are crispy and breaded. After some checking and experimenting, I've decided that this should just be an occasional treat. I also found that I can substitute nut/parmesan mixtures, and mashed fried pork skins AND YES PORK SKINS DON'T MAKE THAT BANJO NOISE AT ME can be used instead. But there's more to a lifestyle than gimmicks and substitutions.

I have been reading "why we are fat and what to do about it" or something like that. I have to admit it's interesting. Ten years ago when I first heard of low carb diets the medical establishment was very loud in warning people away from them. They pictured them as the bacon and eggs diet. Now, I've noticed, they are less critical. There are some cautionary points, to be sure. But mostly they have grudgingly accepted that this might possibly be something worth noting.

So, Ive been experimenting. Trying to come up with my own way. I've been eating only whole grains, and limited carbs outside of those I can get from vegetables. And I eat lots of vegetables. Butter is nice, but I've been moving my fat intake over to canola and olive oils. I don't pay much attention to it, otherwise. Work lunch is usually a heeyouge salad with a hard-boiled egg, maybe some bacon pieces or cheese, artichoke hearts, olives, tomatoes. My dressing is balsamic vinegar. I eat a lot of fish, usually at lunch. I avoid crap carbs. My carbs mean something. So there's that.

In March, I will be 48. Holy shit, I'm pushing FUCKING FIFTY. Since I started my blog i've gone through menopause, my thyroid has crashed, all my kids have left home, I've changed careers, and moved into what we plan is our last home, ever. I've spent twenty hours on my feet. i've done three 62-mile runs. Nothing scares me any more...I'm the new me.

But I'm rambling. I need new goals. I've proven I can run, swim, bike, etc. now, I've decided, it's not enough to finish. I want to be lighter, and faster. I want to be less attached to my stuff. I will be writing about things that may not have anything to do with either of those.

This is my brain dump. Or brain toilet, as DP might say.

Some short-term goals:

  • Get to 145 lbs, or size 8, and stay there. It's easier to run that way. I have to run. It keeps me happy.
  • Do one more marathon in five more states

Some longer-term goals:

  • Qualify for Boston.
  • Do a hundred-miler.
  • Do a marathon in all fifty states.
  • Maybe do one more Ironman?
  • Learn to surf.

Maybe some other stuff. I'm at peace now. i've spent the last eight years burning through all my dark thoughts, working through all my sadness and worries. Now there's jus me, and the future.


I wonder what else I can do?





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