Trivial things to think about: I has them.

13.  I got the Tetris app for my iPad. I've discovered I suck as badly as it as I always have.  But I enjoy it just the same.  I'm hoping someone will come out with the Dr. Mario app.  Blissss!

UPDATE: I just was notified that there is an app for that: Flu Fighter. I'm going to look into this later and see if I want to pay for it. 

I LOVED Dr. Mario.  In fact, multi-tasking queen that I am, I used to breastfeed while playing Dr. Mario on the Nintendo.  No lie. 

12.  On my summer reading list, if I can stop playing Tetris and sudoku long enough to read:

• Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha
• Wherever You Go, There You Are 
• Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion
• Learning Cognitive-Behavior Therapy: An Illustrated Guide
• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (I've actually already started this recently.  Pirate is going to shit when she finds out I've never read this)

 11.  This summer, I will finish the fantasy exercise room I started last fall.  This will involve the following:

• Taking all my clothes that need to be altered to the tailor so they aren't piled up in this room.  There are a bunch of these, and I'll have to pick away at them over the next couple months.
• Taking clothes "on probation," that I haven't worn, to Goodwill. Or maybe selling them on ebay.
• Listing the computer hutch on Ebay to be sold.
• Moving the dreadmill from the garage (have you done this? I may have to hire someone; these things are heavy.)
• Mounting some sort of medium-screened TV/computer monitor on the wall in front of the dreadmill, for playing movies and exercise videos. 

10.  I am currently tapering for Big Horn, in June, my last "A" race of the year. Here is the profile for Bighorn:

I have five hours to make it to the Footbridge aid station at mile 18.  After that I think most of the cutoffs are workable for me. 

9.  Runs I want to do for the rest of the year, after Bighorn will be mostly 10Ks and half marathons.  Here is what I'm thinking:

• Some 10K up in Colorado in about 3 weeks, whose name I can't remember.
• Several 10ks (local) in June, July, and a couple this fall
• A few local half marathons in August, September, and a local marathon in October.
• A couple of sprint triathlons, one in August and one in December.
• 8/7 - La Luz Trail Run (9 miles)
• October: Sandia Crossing (25 miles - this is a mountain in back of my house; you start at one end , climb up about 4000-5000 feet or so, and cross it along the ridge.

8.  I attended the first internship meeting at the VA where I noted with satisfaction that I was probably the oldest intern in attendence (six were selected) but I'm pretty sure I could outrun everyone there.

I was informed that the three-day orientation to working at the VA, otherwise known as "Life In  a Beurocracy" and "Acronyms 101" (my names, not theirs) would begin in middle to late July, some time.  And, that the internship would start immediate after that.  Once I start my internship, it's four 10-hour days per week at the children's treatment facility where I work, and two 8-hour days at the VA.

7.  I'm really bummed that Garmin doesn't have an app for that.

6.  I have a poster up on my wall that is very timely for the Jemez experience that I had Saturday: CHALLENGES

5. Did I mention I'm done with my coursework? I really don't know what to do with myself these days.  I'm still kind of hypervigilant about my time, imagining that anything and everything will just suck it away. I wonder how long it takes to get over that.

4. So this was my first recovery hike/run after Jemez:

 3.  I'm back up to 149/150 at this point, but the clothes aren't fitting any differently, so I'm not worried. Of course, eating two Lean Cuisine meals a day probably isn't helping any, but I'm just so darned hungry all the time these days. 

I suppose that one regular healthy meal would be cheaper than two Lean Cuisines a day, too.  Then again, I eat a first lunch around 10:30, and a second lunch around 2:30.  They're around 230 calories each.  I'm thinking that I should just start packing leftovers in two containers and eating them that way.  Hmm.

2. I confess my addiction to Groupon.  Actually, it's not a true addiction. It's just that, for a long time, I've looked at a couple of self-indulgences, namely, spa treatments and cleaning services, and always turned them down as being too expensive.  With Groupon, I get them cheaper, at least 50% off.  Monday, I had a Groupon day:  I took the day off from work, and did the following:

• I had a maid service come and clean two years of dust off my baseboards, woodwork, mirrors, and floors.  
• I had a massage that was so awesome that I fell asleep for a few moments in the middle of it.  It was with a complete stranger, and I made the decision not to talk, which made it even better.  
• I then went to my favorite all-you-can eat binge bar and had a meat fest.
• I went and had my car vacuumed and washed, while I waited, which wasn't long. 
• I then got a large pizza for himself and the Daughter, and a salad for me, for $1.68, which of course meant no cooking.

Then yesterday, I was noticing that my feet are badly in need of a pedicure, and what should cross my email today?   Pedicure AND manicure and herbal wrap....hmm. 

1.  Okay, so this is bragging, but I have to say this: there is a woman I work with, a psychiatrist, I think she's in her late forties or early fifties.  Anyway.  She was asking me about my Jemez run, and I was describing it to her, and she made some sort of comment about how it would be "great to have" all my "energy" and then asked, how old are you anyway?

"Forty-six."

>cricket< >Cricket<

What?  You're forty six?  I though you were a lot younger that that...

OHHHH, Yeah.  Nothin'; feels better than that.  :-)))))

...

 Posted from my COMPUTER because my iPad won't do HTML.

Blah, blah, blah. On running, journeys, and the meaning of suffering

Dear Diary,

I'm happy to report that this weekend I did not crap myself while running.  And if you're wondering why I didn't say that last weekend...well.

Moving on.

The lowest 'knuckle' on both my big toes hurt, and my quads are stiff, and some toes on my left foot are a bit raw on the ends, and I've still got a bit of that post-race narcolepsy. But, I'll go to work tomorrow morning.  Meanwhile, now that I won't be required to read and write I'll be doing more running and writing.

You know, as I run these things I realize, in the grand scheme of things, my own epic struggles are ridiculously and completely self-imposed.  I wonder what the onlookers think, as we run through their town, especially the ones who didn't come out to watch but were just going about their lives and there's this marathon in the way.  I imagine that guy, the one leaning against the fence as he might sit all day, staring, and I wonder what his life is like.  I wonder if he wonders what my life is like. Does he imagine that it is easy?  is he right?

There are those whose epic struggle is complete a marathon, just one, and then they are done.  Or a 10K.  Or a 5K.  They have meaning.  They have done something more than most will ever do and that, for them, is enough.  For others, there is a quest for more, and for so many different reasons.  For some, it might be a type of penance; for others, a triumph of will.  For sill others, a voice in their head whispers, ordinary, ordinary or something far more malevolent, is something to be quieted.    

We create our own struggles, our own dramas.  Some like me seem to enjoy them more when they hurt. The struggle I undertook to leave behind welfare and food stamps seems to have imprinted into me the need to meet goals, especially ones that are crazy and hard. I know that I'll hurt.  I might even cry.  It's all part of the fun.   :-/

I've passed lots of people with Vibram five-finger shoes, or just barefoot, who are clearly suffering.  My first instinct is to mock them: Did Born to Run convince him that running barefoot is natural?  Well, it is.  26 miles of cement and asphalt, however, is not.  Personally, it's weird, to me, to create that kind of suffering, to give one's life meaning, but that's their journey, their need to do something extraordinary. As my mother might have pointed out to me, You ran 62 miles when you could have taken a car.

Towards the end of road marathons especially, I pass a lot of men who are healthy and athletic-looking.  (Sweet Baboo thinks maybe most men do not pace themselves as well as women do.) Their slumped shoulders and shuffling feet speak their fatigue, and they are tired, suffering, and determined.  Perhaps if it was easy, it wouldn't mean as much.  It means more to overcome it on your own.  It is uniquely personal.

It's not to be imposed, however.  The woman at the Kalamazoo marathon who pulled a small boy along by the hand, a small boy of about eight, who was wearing a Tee-shirt that proclaimed: CHOOSE LIFE. CHOOSE ADOPTION, didn't know this.  As I passed, he asked mommy if he could rest for a moment, and she urged him on.  If you want to make your children walking advertisements for your beliefs, fine, but don't drag them 26 miles.  The journey, THEIR journey, means more if they push THEMselves.  You can't give the meaning of the journey to someone.  They have to find it on their own. Otherwise, they'll hate you for it.  When they think of your beliefs, they'll think of suffering.

There are the stories, and the journeys. Take none of them for granted.  They are uniquely those that belong to the people who created them. The sign at mile 12 that says "Jeanette you are a 13.1 rockstar!" made me smile because my guess is that there is a story behind that sign and the people who wrote it.  Jeanette, wherever she is, is a rockstar. We all are.

...

You can't spell mental hospital without ENCOPRETIC. Thurs-er-Tuesday 13.

Dear Diary,


13.  I think I'm going to switch back to Thursday Thirteen.  I start my final semester of school tomorrow, and I have classes on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays.  I'm going to be busy those days.  I figure to do an hour-long run between work and classes. Otherwise, I might stop at the Y, which is next to my school, and do dreadmill work. 

12.  The day after Ghost Town, my deltoids were screamin'. I've gotten into the habit of holding my arms up and in front of me, and at Ghost Town, I carried two ultimate direction hand-helds instead of wearing a pack. As a result: today I can barely lift my arms.  Owwww.

11. But.  It was otherwise successful.  I wore my spibelt, which held my gels, e-caps, and chapstick and my bib number was pinned to it.  At each bag drop I reloaded the gels.

My spibelt.

Each handheld has a pocket with a zipper. One held my asthma rescue inhaler, and the other held empty gel packs (trash).  It worked splendidly.  I traveled light.

10.  I also got a pair of these: 

Yaktrax Pro.  There was a bout 4-6 inches of snow on part of the course.   These little beauties saved me from a thousand little microslips that might have resulted in a tweaked muscle.  I used them on a mostly snow-covered 2.5 mile spur.

9.  I watched the premier of "Heavy"  on A&E.  It's kind of interesting.  Not what I thought,  but I love that Jodi kicked her negative mother out of the house.   You go, girl. 

8.  I read recently in Marathon and Beyond that icing for longer than 10 minutes after a long run causes blood vessels to dilate, and that increases blood flow to the area, speeding recovery.  I'd heard that icing was good but never knew why. So one of my plans for my back-to-back marathon doubles in May is to hit the pool after each marathon with flippers and kick up and down the pool for a while, ice bath if I can.  Active recovery.  We'll see how that works.

7.  When I came home from work on Monday, I stepped on the scale.  According to Tanita, I'm bloated. It shows I'm very well hydrated, more so than usual, and up about a pound and a half.  I usually am after a big run, no surprise there.  Tomorrow I'll make like a racehorse and come back down.  

6.  But what else did I notice?  Well, my weight is steady, between 150 and 152, and the sun set later today.  The days are getting longer.  My weight has stayed steady, and the days are getting longer.  STOKED!!!!

5.  Oh, and Pee Ess: Baboo's weight has held steady too. As I may have mentioned before, we gain and lose together.  This is the first winter that we didn't turn into the pudge twins. He's at about 205ish.  I predict this to be the year that he earns the nickname "slim".  

4.  There is a person where I work that parks like s/he has no depth perception.  I'm going to leave a note on the windshield soon, I swear.  Or maybe I'll just take a picture with my camera phone, and have it posted here.  I can also print this off and leave it on their windshield.  Parking gets very scarce at work, and I think that if you're going to park like an asshole, maybe someone should call you on it. 



Finishing Ghost Town 1/16/11
(picture stolen from Kelly)
Baboo is directly to my right. 

 3.  I'll be spending the next three weeks doing easy, gentle, flat runs on dirt to help the Achilles continue healing.  It barely whispered to me at Ghost Town.  Ice, walk.  Ice, walk.  

2.  Words I added to my work computer dictionary this week: Vyvance, encopretic, cheeking, tricotillomania, deescalating, schizoaffective. 

1.  Favorite things that teenagers say (and I hear this often):  I don't believe in medications, like for depression and stuff, because they're artificial and you never know how they might affect you.  But you know pot, it's safe, and it's natural.  It doesn't cause permanant brain damage the way alchol and other drugs do. 

...

Recovery.

Dear Diary,

I've been having a hard time recovering from my100K a month ago.  I mean, I can go out pretty fast on tiny little short flat runs, up to about 10K, but somewhere around 11-12 miles I've been blowing out on my long runs.  It's as if my legs are slowly recharging and each little run empties them out again.  I start slowing down pretty dramatically and my legs feel HEEAAAAVVVVY.

I hadn't been running any trails until earlier this week for the first time since then, and felt like I had never ever run trails.  Ever.  I forgot that running and climbing these hills is kind of like climbing stairs.

Today, though, I felt better.  We did a hilly 10k behind our house, Baboo and I, along with Bones, Wingman, and DP, and the first part I was having a hard time catching my breath but then I felt like I found my stride.  Baboo carried a flour bottle and marked turns in the run because they were so far ahead, which was helpful. I finished about a 10K and then finished my 10 miles by running down to Einstein's bagels,  and got a bagel thin egg white sandwich thing, which is "a limited time only" but I hope they offer it longer because it was just enough.  I got a total of 10 miles in, and felt like I could have run longer, which is the first time I've felt anything like that since Javalina.

So maybe I'm finally coming back.  But am I coming back enough to do the double this next week?  I imagine that whatever's in my legs today will be gone by next Sunday night.  I'm leaning back towards just saying, fuckit, put on my Elvis costume and wig and run the half, and have fun at Vegas, where they insist on telling me that I can run the full OR renew my vows on the course, but I can't do both, given the whole 5:30 cutoff.  Turds.

But I have hope.  I have hope that this winter I'll be able, somehow, to keep running.  This will be quite a trick, because I'll have classes Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  I'll be tweaking my training plan to adjust for the fact that three days, I simply can't run during 14 hour days. Thursdays I'll try to knock out a 10K, and then on weekends, I'll load up the missing miles by doing back-to-back long runs to condition me for the doubles I'm doing in May.  One of those long runs will have to be on trails.

I'm having some whisperings from my IT band.  Actually, it started as whisperings and now has worked its way to muttering.  I think it might be because I've been using the same shoe constantly.  I'm going to go back to switching my shoes out.  And speaking of shoes, I found out that there is a trail show built on the same last as the shoes I already love, which are mens shoes.  I'm going to get a pair and see how I like them.

...

I ran today.

Today is a holiday, and today I ran.

I figured I should, being as I have a marathon in less than 2 weeks.  Not only do I have a marathon in less than two weeks, but I'm not prepared for it.  My longest run would be, well, let's see.  It would be the marathon I DNF'd at last weekend - I ran about 15 miles that day.

I've been kind of piddling about and not doing any long runs this spring.  But I feel like, maybe I need to get on the ball and start training.  I've been recovering from slowly, too.  My legs have felt tired and heavy ever since.

Boy, am I under-trained.  I was so tired after running.  Then I looked down at the Forerunner - oops, that's about the fastest I've done that run.

BLAH.  What's the point of running fast if it's so exhausting?

So anyway.  I ran today.  I have this new part of my run that I like to do that consists of about a 2 mile climb that rises 500 to 600 feet in elevation.  I piddled around until after sunup (mistake #1) and wore a long-sleeve shirt (mistake #2) that was black (mistake #3).  I got in about 5 and a quarter miles.  It was a nice morning.  I came home, discouraged, until I realized that I'd done this one faster than usual.  I'm posting the map and profile for herself the Elf so she'll know what she's in for on Thursday.

Or maybe not.  I think my internship class starts on Thursday.  Crap.  I need to change my Thursday night run to Thursday morning, I guess.

So anyway.  I ran today.  I was supposed to do a long run, but I didn't feel like doing a long run, so I didn't do a long run.  I won't be able to get away with that much longer.  This next weekend  I have to start doing long run training, and then long bike training starts soon after that.  I'm going to be focusing on Redman in September.

I may still play around with the Javalina 100k in October.  We'll see.

So anyway.  I ran today.  It was a nice run.  It was a hard run.  I'm ready to train now.

...

yeah, I know.

Why NOT drop out of Ironman St. George?  Why not? 

Well, because I have three special gifts, only one of which is relevant to this.  That special gift is an almost pathological stubbornness when it comes to finishing what I've started.  I paid an entry fee.  I have to show up. 

Last Saturday I did indeed head out on what was to be an epic "hill repeat" workout with *Courtney*. The plan for the day was three loops that involved going north on the boulevard near my house, which then turns west and drops about 1000 feet over 5 miles into the river valley, then return to start, which I call "the big grind" and repeat twice. With that, I figured I get three climbs in and about 70 miles.

Here's what actually happened:

It was two times, not the planned three, because as I crested the hill the second time, I realized that I'd headed out without sunscreen and had already probably guarenteed myself an unpleasant week. I was right. By that night I could not wear normal clothes, and my run the next day was scrapped because I couldn't put anything on that would touch my back, shoulders, or upper arms.

Which, for us gals, pretty much guarentees we can't go out in public without getting a citation, much less get in a 15 mile run. No bra = no running, don't even try to argue that point with me.  So, I spend the day wearing a soft shirt and working on sprinkler systems instead.

• Monday, I wore the same cycling top I got burned in to work, covered by a light shrug. Nobody noticed.
• Tuesday, I did nothing other than whimper, whine, and complain. Which is my 2nd special gift. 
• Wednesday I did the last of Satan's spin class, and then did 1600 meters in the pool with paddles, then went to work. By Wednesday night, I was able to actually sleep on my back again.
• Thursday I woke up and decided to have a weigh-in. Here in the GeekGirl household, there are strict rules for weigh-ins:

1. no clothes
2. first thing in the morning, before eating, drinking, or breathing too much.
3. if at all possible, after visiting le toilette.
4. It doesn't hurt to be a bit dehydrated.

I bumped up a pound or two during my sunburned pity party, but dropped back down again, so no weight loss this week. I'm holding steady at 164. ish.

This weekend, I will try to get in 4 climbs over at the big grind. I'll try to also do that planned 15 mile run, or more if I feel like it.  I'm not obsessive about my training like some people and like some other people, or even their friends but then again, they are much faster than me, so maybe they're right and I'm wrong. Maybe.

I'm not sure I'm going to do another Ironman after this year.  The training is grueling and time-consuming and cuts into my TV watching time.  We'll see. 

...

Tentative 2010 schedule.

January 1, Egg Nog Jog 4M iler
January 17, Ghost Town 38.5 ultra, NM
March 6, Old Pueblo 50 miler, AZ
April 25, Los Alamos Duathon (Little Boy Course) NM
May 1, Ironman St. George, UT
May 22, Jemez Mountain 50k
June 12, Run the Caldera trail marathon, Los Alamos NM
September (early), New Mexico Marathon
September 25, Redman Iron Distance Triathlon, OK
October 9, Pajarito Trail Festival 25k
October (later), Marathon or Ultra, TBD

Assorted sprints and local 5ks: TBD

Why I was mumbling under my breath a lot today.

...while walking down the hall...in the elevator...on the stairs...

Hmm. 3 loops, about 16-2/3 miles each. Gonna be dawn when I start out, won't need a headlamp. Gonna be dark when I finish, so, I need a headlamp in my bag.

I HATE the idea of running the dark. Crap. I wish I could run.

Okay, I'll need to put the sides of my hair in two spazzy little ponytails, to keep it off my fair and out of my eyes. I'll need slimfast at the beginning of loops 2, 3, and at finish. 3 cans, in my bag. I'll need a protein bar at the finish. In my bag.

I'll need to take a caffeinated gel 10 minutes before the start, a PowerBar, and a gel, before the start of loops 2 and 3. Also, I need to have some fast-acting Tylenol, and maybe some Advil. Small foot repair kit. Wetnaps. Ziplock bags.

Okay, I'll need my race-ready capris. Need those extra pockets. Aid stations are about 3 mi apart, on average (5K) so I'll just carry a handheld bottle.

Arm warmers. Start out with these, drop them in the bag after loop 1.

Hmmm.

Blanket. Around me at the start, and then put in my drop bag. NO--in the car. Then I'll put it on after I finish. Need some clean, dry clothes, too.

Need socks in the bag, just in case the grass is dewy in the morning and at night. 2 pairs. In the bag.

Jacket. Maybe. I'll wear it, and then tie it around my waist when I need to. Drop it off in the bag until sundown.

Sundown will occur during loop 3. I'll need to pick up my headlamp and jacket then.

Carry my knee thing in the drop bag, just in case.

Oh. Chap stick. Gotta have chap stick. Sunscreen. Tube in the drop bag. Vaseline and sportslick. Carry those.

Okay. So.

Drop bag:

• 3 ziplock bags, labeled "loop 2" and "loop 3" and "finish"
• Loop 2 bag: 1 can of slimfast, 1 power bar, and 1 caffeinated gel, 1 pair of socks.
• Loop 3 bag: 1 can of slimfast, 1 power bar, and 1 caffeinated gel, headlamp, 1 pair of socks.
• Finish bag: 2 protein bars, 1 slimfast, allergy pills
• Loose: Sunscreen, Knee thing, Short-sleeved shirt, Foot repair kit, keys to the rental car

Wear/Carry:

• Race-ready capris with 5 pockets, long-sleeved shirt, non-chafing bra. Possibly a jacket. Sunglasses. 1 gel w/caffein, couple of bandaids, fast-acting Tylenol, Advil, in one small ziplock bag, Wetnaps, ziplock bags in one ziplock bag, Chap stick, Sportslick.
• hand-held bottle, with asthma inhaler in the pocket

Have in the rental car:
blanket, 1 can slimfast, 1 power bar
clean, dry clothes including underwear
that eye shade thing that helps me sleep
Charger for the ipod.
cell phone
cheap cheddar cheese Ramen.

Okay. Well. I guess that's it, then.


...