yeah, I know.

Why NOT drop out of Ironman St. George?  Why not? 

Well, because I have three special gifts, only one of which is relevant to this.  That special gift is an almost pathological stubbornness when it comes to finishing what I've started.  I paid an entry fee.  I have to show up. 

Last Saturday I did indeed head out on what was to be an epic "hill repeat" workout with *Courtney*. The plan for the day was three loops that involved going north on the boulevard near my house, which then turns west and drops about 1000 feet over 5 miles into the river valley, then return to start, which I call "the big grind" and repeat twice. With that, I figured I get three climbs in and about 70 miles.

Here's what actually happened:

It was two times, not the planned three, because as I crested the hill the second time, I realized that I'd headed out without sunscreen and had already probably guarenteed myself an unpleasant week. I was right. By that night I could not wear normal clothes, and my run the next day was scrapped because I couldn't put anything on that would touch my back, shoulders, or upper arms.

Which, for us gals, pretty much guarentees we can't go out in public without getting a citation, much less get in a 15 mile run. No bra = no running, don't even try to argue that point with me.  So, I spend the day wearing a soft shirt and working on sprinkler systems instead.

• Monday, I wore the same cycling top I got burned in to work, covered by a light shrug. Nobody noticed.
• Tuesday, I did nothing other than whimper, whine, and complain. Which is my 2nd special gift. 
• Wednesday I did the last of Satan's spin class, and then did 1600 meters in the pool with paddles, then went to work. By Wednesday night, I was able to actually sleep on my back again.
• Thursday I woke up and decided to have a weigh-in. Here in the GeekGirl household, there are strict rules for weigh-ins:

1. no clothes
2. first thing in the morning, before eating, drinking, or breathing too much.
3. if at all possible, after visiting le toilette.
4. It doesn't hurt to be a bit dehydrated.

I bumped up a pound or two during my sunburned pity party, but dropped back down again, so no weight loss this week. I'm holding steady at 164. ish.

This weekend, I will try to get in 4 climbs over at the big grind. I'll try to also do that planned 15 mile run, or more if I feel like it.  I'm not obsessive about my training like some people and like some other people, or even their friends but then again, they are much faster than me, so maybe they're right and I'm wrong. Maybe.

I'm not sure I'm going to do another Ironman after this year.  The training is grueling and time-consuming and cuts into my TV watching time.  We'll see. 

...

Why I was mumbling under my breath a lot today.

...while walking down the hall...in the elevator...on the stairs...

Hmm. 3 loops, about 16-2/3 miles each. Gonna be dawn when I start out, won't need a headlamp. Gonna be dark when I finish, so, I need a headlamp in my bag.

I HATE the idea of running the dark. Crap. I wish I could run.

Okay, I'll need to put the sides of my hair in two spazzy little ponytails, to keep it off my fair and out of my eyes. I'll need slimfast at the beginning of loops 2, 3, and at finish. 3 cans, in my bag. I'll need a protein bar at the finish. In my bag.

I'll need to take a caffeinated gel 10 minutes before the start, a PowerBar, and a gel, before the start of loops 2 and 3. Also, I need to have some fast-acting Tylenol, and maybe some Advil. Small foot repair kit. Wetnaps. Ziplock bags.

Okay, I'll need my race-ready capris. Need those extra pockets. Aid stations are about 3 mi apart, on average (5K) so I'll just carry a handheld bottle.

Arm warmers. Start out with these, drop them in the bag after loop 1.

Hmmm.

Blanket. Around me at the start, and then put in my drop bag. NO--in the car. Then I'll put it on after I finish. Need some clean, dry clothes, too.

Need socks in the bag, just in case the grass is dewy in the morning and at night. 2 pairs. In the bag.

Jacket. Maybe. I'll wear it, and then tie it around my waist when I need to. Drop it off in the bag until sundown.

Sundown will occur during loop 3. I'll need to pick up my headlamp and jacket then.

Carry my knee thing in the drop bag, just in case.

Oh. Chap stick. Gotta have chap stick. Sunscreen. Tube in the drop bag. Vaseline and sportslick. Carry those.

Okay. So.

Drop bag:

• 3 ziplock bags, labeled "loop 2" and "loop 3" and "finish"
• Loop 2 bag: 1 can of slimfast, 1 power bar, and 1 caffeinated gel, 1 pair of socks.
• Loop 3 bag: 1 can of slimfast, 1 power bar, and 1 caffeinated gel, headlamp, 1 pair of socks.
• Finish bag: 2 protein bars, 1 slimfast, allergy pills
• Loose: Sunscreen, Knee thing, Short-sleeved shirt, Foot repair kit, keys to the rental car

Wear/Carry:

• Race-ready capris with 5 pockets, long-sleeved shirt, non-chafing bra. Possibly a jacket. Sunglasses. 1 gel w/caffein, couple of bandaids, fast-acting Tylenol, Advil, in one small ziplock bag, Wetnaps, ziplock bags in one ziplock bag, Chap stick, Sportslick.
• hand-held bottle, with asthma inhaler in the pocket

Have in the rental car:
blanket, 1 can slimfast, 1 power bar
clean, dry clothes including underwear
that eye shade thing that helps me sleep
Charger for the ipod.
cell phone
cheap cheddar cheese Ramen.

Okay. Well. I guess that's it, then.


...

Iron drama queen.

Ironman CDA is coming for me, roaring down on me.

I would be remiss to say that, obviously, I just want to finish IM-CDA. But there's a little more to it than that. See, the thing is, most of my life I've managed AD/HD. When you grow up with it, you acquire a lot of little demons. They whisper things at you when you're at your most vulnerable. Lazy. Incompetent.
Scatter-brained.

Most of my life, I've been chased by one little demon in particular: one that whispers in my ear:
You just got lucky.

When I got my first degree, I remember thinking, boy, I was lucky that the professors all liked me! There's other examples, but it's not useful to write about them. The result of all of it is that I make the following attribution to my achievements: If I did it, it can't be that hard or I just got by, or it was easy that day etc. etc. etc.

Triathlon is the first thing I've ever been able to do that was all me, no luck involved, and it's been great for my self esteem. It doesn't matter who you know. You do the work, and finish, or you don't, and then you don't.

But then, last year at Ironman Louisville last they extended the finishing time by 37 minutes. My finishing time, 17:19, the last official finisher. And there was the little demon again, whispering: Boy, lucky for you they extended that cutoff.

I've never admitted it, but that's bothered me a bit. Yes, I finished. Yes, I followed all the rules. But since my issue is 'getting by' it's pushed a very big button.

Lucky for you... lucky...

and all this goes back to the sneaking suspicion that really, I'm just not all that special, and

one of these days, everyone will know it. They'll all find out. Then they'll all know the truth.

There are cutoffs halfway on the bike, and the run. They aren't any different from the cutoffs I would have imposed on myself. But there they are, gnashing their teeth at me. Beat me! Beat me!

This time there will be no time extension by which I can hedge my bets. If I don't make the cutoffs (1:30 pm, pacific time, for the first bike loop; 5:30 for the end of the bike; 9 pm for the 1st run loop) then I'm done.

But if, when, I do make it, then I've really made it. Maybe the whispering, naggy self-doubt will stop. I guess. Now, I know before you tell me that all this sounds really, really stupid: I'm still me, whether I finish or not. But you know, we all have our demons, our buttons, and issues, and now I've told you mine.

I'm going to get up tomorrow and walk into the lake in Coeur D'Alene Idaho and head out, and try to beat the moon, and go Ironman a second time.

As Commodore says, this one Ironman doesn't doesn't define me.
It is nevertheless very important to me. More than I want to admit. So, In addition to my somewhat lacksadaisical training and legendary stubbornness and the many, many phantom pains I've dicovered that come an go right before a race, I'll take onto the course all the best of my friends to sustain me, including:

Pirate's Pragmaticism.
Duane's Hope.
Mary's Spirit.
Stronger's Strength.
Cody's Optimism.
AndraSue's determinism.
Cindy's encouragement.
Sweet Baboo's love.

This will be my last post until after the race.

BEAT THE MOON!!!!

...

Iron goals.

In my attempt to allay my fears and anxieties about Sundays I've been gathering seemingly unrelated and useless facts about the conditions Sunday to add to my UBK.

Here's what I know about June 22nd at Cordy Lane.
Sunrise is 4:50. It'll be getting light around 4:15 am, if it's clear, and sunset is 8:50. It will be dark around 9:20. Thus, length of daylight will be 16 hours. Since the sun will be lower in the sky when I finish the bike, chances are I won't need a hat. SwTriGal is convinced we'll finish before sundown. Riiiiiiggghhhttttt.

I do appreciate herself's optimism. However, I have another goal in mind.

So here's my random facts:

There will be a waning gibbous moon, rising at 11:23 pm. (Hold onto that thought)

As of 6/18, the water temp is 54 degrees F (12.5 degrees C) and current forecast for Saturday Jun 22: 20% chance of showers or thunderstorms, High in the lower 70s. Maybe wind. Maybe not.

I am stoked. And terrified.
And STOKED!
And terrified.

My swim goal: 1:45:00
T1 goal: 12 minutes
Bike goal: 8 hours, Average 14 mph
T2 goal: 12 minutes
Run goal: 6 hours, or Sub 14 min/mile


There will be a gibbous moon, rising at 11:23 pm.

My goal: Beat the moonrise at 11:23.

My goal and mantra for Sunday, "BEAT THE MOON!"

...

Oh, MY~!

Pirate sent me this link.

You know I want them.

Gawd help me, but I do.

...

PLANNING and OBSESSING.

Today was my last "long" workout, about 40 miles of cycling during which, I'm happy to report, my crank did NOT fall off. During the 40 miles, I did a lot of thinking, mostly planning for the race. I've done a lot of training and have had a chance to try out lots of different things: what to eat, drink, and wear. So here's my plan:

First, I'm leaving the race wheels at home. They're tubeless, and I'm not as confident about changing those as I am a tube. My road wheels will be fine for my purposes, and I have my trusty Kevlar Hard-Case tires on them, and I can carry several tubes in less space than I can carry several tubeless tires.

Nutrition: I'll be wearing my Diablo hydration pack, which holds 64 ounces of fluid (Nuun) Not only does the fluid stay colder in this pack, but when it rests against my back it feels cool. I've tested it on every long bike I've done and many of my long runs. Every fifteen minutes, I'll drink some of my Nuun. On the hour, a drink of my Carbo-pro, which will be in a squirt bottle on my bike. On the half hour, solid food, alternating between two fig Newtons and 4-6 pringles. The goal for drinking is 20 ounces every 10 miles, and at least 400 calories per hour. I'll be carrying the Fig Newtons and Pringles in my bento box, with spares in my hydration pack, along with a tube of Noon.

To wear:

After the swim, I'll change into my Terry Clincher tank. I heart this tank - it's got a high neck and a single strap between my shoulder blades in the back, and a nice, loose waist with three large pockets across the back. I'm wearing it with my She-beest sprint shorts, which have a kind of lower waist in front and shorter inseem. They're pretty comfortable. I'm going to wear them with my favorite socks.

The Run:
For the run, I'm going to take along gels, an inhaler, and ecaps. I'll drink water from the aid stations, a gel every 2-3 miles, and ecaps on the hour. I'm considering carrying a bottle that I'll fill up from time to time so that I don't have to stop at every aid station. I'm still thinking about this. I'm thinking about getting one of these "Nathan" belts. I've run with waist packs before and liked them. Given the choice, I prefer not to carry things in my hands when I run.

For the run, I'm going to change into my Patagonia Active Top and Moving Comfort Peak Fitness Shorts, both being very soft, wicking, and comfortable thing I've ever worn for running. The shorts are great for gals like me who lack Inner Thigh Clearance. The entire inseam is cotton lined.

Of course, it goes without saying that I'll be wearing the pink uber-sexy Injinji toe socks...which are just so insanely sexy it's a shame they have to hide inside my New Balance 767's, which are the best long-run shoes for me, stability with cushioning.

Round out the ensemble with Msr GarMEAN and his heart strap, so I can keep an eye on my heartrate throughout the day and well as my pace. I just hope GarMEAN can last that long on a charge. We'll see. I have a bike computer but it doesn't seem to be properly calibrated.

OKAY. So much the stuff I have control over...NOW for the weather forecast, according to Intellicast, here's the current forecast for Louisville 7 days from today:

I also used "MAP MY RUN" to do a profile of the run course. There's a bit of a climb at the out-and-back turnaround. You do that part of the course twice. Otherwise, it's mostly flat.

that's enough obsessing for today, I think. Time to start cleaning. Sweet Baboo comes home tonight!

...