Random Thoughts and Worries

33 days left until Louisville. Thirty-three. Days. One month from now I will be in my hotel room in Louisville, while the voices in my head (not literal ones; I'm not psychotic) will be shouting at me about how slow I am, and how much I suck.)

Last week I rode my bike 180 miles. 180. Miles. It was supposed to be more. Pretty damned slowly, too. I'm never going to finish that stupid Ironman. Some guy is going to leap out in front of me, like they did to Krissy, and pull my chip.

I stopped answering the phone last week because the school where I work is calling all the teachers to volunteer to work registration this week. I have trouble saying no or lying without a lot of practice, so I avoided answering the phone during the day. Then the secretary called me last night at 8:00, and I answered the phone because I wasn't expecting it. Bastards. They are so not getting my cell phone number.

If I'm running and biking so much, and working so hard, why aren't my thighs all nice and smooth? There's no justice. And my butt. What's up with that?

I have to have, like, the weirdest tan ever.

Why does everyone keep sucking air in through their teeth when I say I'm going to do a swim in the Ohio River? Then they get that fake, forced cheerful look and say, "Oh, well, I'm sure it will be just fine."

The little beeper things I bought from Sharper Image so that I could find all my lost stuff were a waste of money. They don't go off when they should and they do go off at random times like 2 am, or when I'm standing in line somewhere, or driving in my car.

Mini-baboo has been gone for two weeks to camp. Other than worrying about him, it's been a nice break, the first one I've had since age 19, when I had my first child. I bought a box of cereal that I love while he was gone and didn't eat any of it for a day or so. It was all still there after two days. The whole box. Uneaten. The. Whole. Box.

I really like the accelerade stuff. I don't get stomach cramps when I drink a whole bunch of it before I run, like I do when I drink too much water or gatorade. That's important, because I will perseverate no end on things that are bothering me.

I am, like, addicted to this website, thanks to Pirate. If you've never visited this pace, you should, but I warn you: it's addictive. Here's an example of something from their site:
(I'm surprised that 'getting off heroin' wasn't, like, number 2. At least.)

Sometimes when I look at how sore Sweet Baboo is in after a hard workout I wonder if I should be working out harder. Then I look at how sore Sweet Baboo is and think, um, No. But then I worry about getting pulled from the course at IMKY. That will never happen to Sweet Baboo. It might happen to me.

After coming in nearly last at the Mountain Man, I've decided to reframe things. My goals from now on will be to finish triathlons. Reframing is when you take something that you think of as negative and look at it in a different way, rethinking or restating it so that it is positive. Some people call that "denial," Myself, I prefer to reframe "denial" as "positive reframing."

That place where I ordered the vegan running shirt is sending me a refund. Good thing, because I'm not really a vegan any more. I've started taking in whey protein and occasionally eating crepes. I think all I can really call myself any more is a "really strict vegetarian." Or as I'm sure some of my friends say, "Pain in the ass." That doesn't fit nicely on a T-shirt. But now I'm not really sure of my place in the whole food pyramid scheme of things.

Maybe I'm eating too much.

...