Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Random Thoughts and Worries


33 days left until Louisville. Thirty-three. Days. One month from now I will be in my hotel room in Louisville, while the voices in my head (not literal ones; I'm not psychotic) will be shouting at me about how slow I am, and how much I suck.)

Last week I rode my bike 180 miles. 180. Miles. It was supposed to be more. Pretty damned slowly, too. I'm never going to finish that stupid Ironman. Some guy is going to leap out in front of me, like they did to Krissy, and pull my chip.

I stopped answering the phone last week because the school where I work is calling all the teachers to volunteer to work registration this week. I have trouble saying no or lying without a lot of practice, so I avoided answering the phone during the day. Then the secretary called me last night at 8:00, and I answered the phone because I wasn't expecting it. Bastards. They are so not getting my cell phone number.

If I'm running and biking so much, and working so hard, why aren't my thighs all nice and smooth? There's no justice. And my butt. What's up with that?

I have to have, like, the weirdest tan ever.

Why does everyone keep sucking air in through their teeth when I say I'm going to do a swim in the Ohio River? Then they get that fake, forced cheerful look and say, "Oh, well, I'm sure it will be just fine."
The little beeper things I bought from Sharper Image so that I could find all my lost stuff were a waste of money. They don't go off when they should and they do go off at random times like 2 am, or when I'm standing in line somewhere, or driving in my car.

Mini-baboo has been gone for two weeks to camp. Other than worrying about him, it's been a nice break, the first one I've had since age 19, when I had my first child. I bought a box of cereal that I love while he was gone and didn't eat any of it for a day or so. It was all still there after two days. The whole box. Uneaten. The. Whole. Box.

I really like the accelerade stuff. I don't get stomach cramps when I drink a whole bunch of it before I run, like I do when I drink too much water or gatorade. That's important, because I will perseverate no end on things that are bothering me.

I am, like, addicted to this website, thanks to Pirate. If you've never visited this pace, you should, but I warn you: it's addictive. Here's an example of something from their site:
(I'm surprised that 'getting off heroin' wasn't, like, number 2. At least.)

Sometimes when I look at how sore Sweet Baboo is in after a hard workout I wonder if I should be working out harder. Then I look at how sore Sweet Baboo is and think, um, No. But then I worry about getting pulled from the course at IMKY. That will never happen to Sweet Baboo. It might happen to me.

After coming in nearly last at the Mountain Man, I've decided to reframe things. My goals from now on will be to finish triathlons. Reframing is when you take something that you think of as negative and look at it in a different way, rethinking or restating it so that it is positive. Some people call that "denial," Myself, I prefer to reframe "denial" as "positive reframing."

That place where I ordered the vegan running shirt is sending me a refund. Good thing, because I'm not really a vegan any more. I've started taking in whey protein and occasionally eating crepes. I think all I can really call myself any more is a "really strict vegetarian." Or as I'm sure some of my friends say, "Pain in the ass." That doesn't fit nicely on a T-shirt. But now I'm not really sure of my place in the whole food pyramid scheme of things.

Maybe I'm eating too much.

...

19 comments:

  1. "Myself, I prefer to reframe 'denial' as 'positive reframing.'"

    That's hilarious, and I needed good laugh just now, so thanks!

    You should do stand-up. :)

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  2. I second the stand up thing. I smile just clicking the link to your blog because I know it is going to be good. You will complete the IM. You have more courage and determination than you give yourself credit for. Your husband too. We will be watching.

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  3. You talk about hearing voices as if there's something wrong with it.

    I don't like to call it psychotic, I prefer "a creative soul".

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  4. Let me tell you from first hand experience....the Ohio River in Louisville is very nice. You can see your hand in front of your face. It tastes fine and I personally did NOT notice any current. Chill about this one and/or offer me your feet to swim behind and I will be forever in your debt. Or can I offer you money???

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  5. You are having the same thoughts as other people training for ironman are from my reading. You are an inspiration to me to watch the dedication that you have shown.

    I will be there at the finish line to cheer for you because you will get there.

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  6. There's something to that whole reframing thing; you need to chase away negative thoughts and think positive.

    Oh, and if you're not a Vegan, but a strict vegetarian, you should try that blueberry muffin with a twist of lemon recipe (from a post of mine). Low fat, low sugar. They are tart (not sweet) and I think pretty tasty. :)

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  7. denial = postive reframing = genius!
    From reading many accounts of the leadup to Ironman, I think it's normal to feel this way - not that that makes it any better. Keep your eyes on your big dream to try and drown out those pesky voices.
    Hurrah for having nice cereal for more than two days!

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  8. Mary I'm extremely happy to read that! Thanks for letting me know. Most of the people who suck air through their teeth aren't swimmers anyway.

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  9. You are going to have a great day...see all these posts you have about training? That means you're TCB.

    A man leapt out in front of me (thanks for mentioning it, btw) because I had a _whole bunch_ of pre-IM posts about eating gouda, being sick, and eating more gouda -- not so many about how I was riding or running or swimming.

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  10. I'm sure you have run the numbers and you know that you can finish each leg in the required time. So you have doubts - welcome to the human race!

    You have trained. As Bold says, all you have to do is let your training meet your opportunity on race day and make your way to the finish line. Go Geekgirl!

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  11. I can't wait to hear how it goes for you - you have been so steady and consistent in your training. I think if you WEREN'T freaked out about it it would be weirder than how you actually are feeling. This is the absolutely lamest thing to say, since everyone says it, but you are an inspiration to me!

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  12. Krissy, I always just assumed it was because of the awful winds. I hope I didn't embarass you by mentioning it. I just think about it from time to time and feel a huge amount of sympathy for that moment.

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  13. As much as you an Baboo race and train - you know yourself physically better than most athletes. You truly can race within yourself and that seems to be one of the most important things come Ironman day - You the Boo-man will do awesome. I kinda like "Boo-man", btw.

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  15. From following your training all these months, you sound ready! That Action! List! was the funniest thing I've ever read - uh, "build a boat?" hahahahaha
    However, this person did put exercise and eat healthy, so applicable to your blog!

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  16. Don't self-sabbatoge!
    At least you know how to SPELL EXERCISE! (unlike the action list maker...)
    And you know how to swim, bike and run too...so in 33 days just GO DO IT! (All friggin day if you have to!)
    We will be rooting for you to cross that line!

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  17. you're going to DO IT!

    You have 33 days left...well, 31 now...Which is plenty of time on top of the massive base you've already built.

    You had doubts before your first race.

    You had doubts every time you've increased your distance.

    This is the same dragon. You've fought it before.

    GO GIRL!

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  18. Hey GG-
    The feelings you are having are the same I had. Like "oh my god I have not trained enough!" you have-believe me!! The training is harder than the actual race (well hmm, except the run). You can do it-If I can, you can!! I mean it!! It is so worth it crossing that finish line-"YOu Misty Pilgrim, are an Ironman!" with thousands cheering you on like you are first-it is WORTH IT!! hang in there girl-keep your eye on that prize..

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  19. You are more than ready, I am convinced. Just have some understandable pre-race jitters Im sure.
    Love the food pyramid btw.

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