Monday, March 21, 2011

Less serious, more embarassing

Dear Diary,

On the heels of this morning's very serious entry comes this: I know I have a problem when I find myself sitting down with a bucket, a BUCKET, of chicken.  Yes.  Because, when my body is craving some sort of nutrient, like, say, protein, does it say to me, "you should get some isolated protein and mix it with some nonfat milk"?  It does NOT.  It says, "Get me fried chicken.  NOW!" and it says it in the deep throaty voice of a very fat woman.

And, UNortunately, it is a matter of about ten minutes to get from school/class to KFC, right down the street.

It's never a good idea for me to sit in the drive-through of ANY eatery when I am hungry.  I do not make wise decisions.  And I was.  hungry, I mean.  I had missed breakfast, and so ate my lunch for breakfast, and then ate my dinner for lunch, so that by dinner-time, I was pretty hungry.  So before I knew what was happening, I once again found myself in the drive-through at KFC, contemplationg the offerings of fried health up on the  menu, and before I could stop my mouth, the fat-lady-throaty-voice said, "I'll take the 6 piece chicken dinner, chicken only." Which was technically listed in the family section.  But lets not go there.

I knew I had made a mistake when my chicken was handed  through the window to me in a BUCKET.  Yes, bucket.  There's no denying that you have a binging problem when your dinner is in a bucket.  You are one step removed from a trough, at that point, and that can only mean one thing: MOO.  or oink.  or whatever.  To at insult to injury, the window guy asked me if I wanted plates, plural.  No, thanks.  I just wanted some napkins. He gave me enough napkins to take care of a school cafeteria, this entire experience reminding me that I was eating the food of several people.  Six, to be precise.

I arrived back to class about 30 minutes early, and immediately comments about the bucket began.
Is that for you or for the victims of the earthquake?
Hungry much?
Hey, did you bring enough for all of us, or just all of you?
Misty, has it ever occurred to you that this fried chicken thing is getting a little out of hand?

The last comment came from a fellow social work student who has known me for a couple years, and who asked it in his best therapeutic voice.  The others were joking.  He was not.

Meanwhile, across from me was another fellow student weeping, yes, weeping,  about some really shitty thing going on in her life, adding perspective to my relative shame.  There I sat, the queen glutton, with a bucket of food in front of me.

So I lied.  Well, of course I did. I took a piece out and invited others to dig in.  And they did, saving me from myself.  I spent $10 on a single piece of fried chicken and, hopefully, learned my lesson.

And that lesson would be: don't take a debit card with me on class nights.



  1. We've all been in a simliar place before - glad you decided to share with your co-workers :)

  2. My inner fat lady speaks to me in a sweet voice so I won't suspect she's trying to kill me.

    At least you didn't order the 'failure pile in a sadness bowl.' Check out Patton Oswalt if you're not familiar with the reference. HI-larious.

  3. I'd like to offer that if you really did have a problem, you wouldn't have gone back to the classroom to eat your bucket: you would have stayed in your car or hid somewhere else. If you are OK with being in public with your bucket and facing their judgments, then you are not that bad! I hide when I binge ... that's more problematic.

  4. Good sharing. :) I'm always thankful (eventually) when I have people around me to embarrass me into doing the right thing.

  5. @Kate: I've done the secret binge. I was actually thinking the classroom would be empty - I was surprised and momentarily disappointed when I came in and saw other students.

  6. Anonymous8:38 AM

    where are the waffles that go with that chicken?

  7. I love KFC and must avoid it all the time because I will do the same thing!

  8. Oh my, I just laughed OUT LOUD while sitting at my desk at work. Talk about a dead giveaway that I am not working at the moment...

    With as hard as you work, and work out, sometimes you need to splurge! Enjoy!

  9. I run to fried chicken when things are stressful, I hear what you are saying. I've been running to lasagna too a lot lately. I really enjoy your blog...really. Thanks.

  10. My favorite sushi place knows that I'm the only one who is going to eat all of that take-out sushi but they kindly maintain the illusion that I am not a pig by giving me two pair of chopsticks. Unfortunately, that also means that I have a entire drawer full of chopsticks. Don't suppose you need them for a craft project for the kids at work? Hmm, perhaps pointy wooden objects would be a bad idea in that setting....

  11. You are very funny!

    Here's your hot tip 'o the day. Rotisserie roasted chicken from the grocery store is the best. I am addicted to it - ADDICTED! It's a little harder to eat on the run but OMG - so good.

  12. I have not driven through a KFC or a Church's FC in three years because I know I could not EVER, EVER even eat one piece. I am amaze you were able to eat one piece, share with your classmates. I think I might have killed them all so I would not have to share the food. I probably would not have even worried about how to hide/dispose of the bodies; I would just say they were that way when I got to the room and hope the chicken grease obscured the evidence on my greasy fingers.

  13. Yep. Last Saturday night found me sitting on my kitchen floor eating a rotisserie chicken straight out of the domed container like a caveman. I could have beat myself up about it, but I figured I needed the protein!


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