Clowns to the left of me; jokers to the right (race report)

Yesterday was the first race, officially, of the 2007 season. Held at White Sands Missel Range, it's the second time I've done this race, a reverse tri, my favorite kind. We started out about 8:15, and it was in the mid to upper 30's. On the 5K run I was hanging with 3-time Athena champ Karen for a while, which is pretty astonishing in itself because I've NEVER been able to do that. After a while, I took off and did some strides, finishing just ahead of her on the run. My overall pace was around 10:30, pretty good for me, considering how cold it was. I was focused on a girl and her boyfriend, whom Karen had nicknamed "Pinkass" since she appeared to be running in pajama bottoms with the word, PINK emblazoned on the butt. I passed them once and then they passed me, toward the end of the run. I've discovered that if I find someone who is usually a bit faster than I am, I can push myself to stay with them. That's my new strategy.

I spent the rest of the race imagining Karen closing in on me. Just over my shoulder. Whatsat? Is that her breathing?

I headed out on what I thought was a 20K bike. I THOUGHT it was 20K. I had asked Sweet Baboo the night before and he said, "I think it's 20k." We've done 19 races in this series, so we've kind of lost track of how long each one is. yeah, I know. I should have asked. Or looked at my T-shirt.

In any case it was the first time I'd been on my bike since Soma, and it felt really strange. There are two things about this bike course that are annoying; first, there's a part of it that goes uphill, and you feel it, but it doesn't really look like it's going uphill because there are rolling hills around you and mountains and stuff; all you know is that you're looking down at your speedometer and you're going something like 11 or 12 mph and giving it all you've got in a low gear going nowhere. Second, there is lots of frost heaving on this road, so there are jarring bumps at pretty regularly spaced intervals that suck the energy right out of you. However, there's usually a refreshing lack of wind that you don't get the rest of the year.

The title of today's post comes from the fact that, for some reason, some people don't read up on triathlon before doing one. This race attracts a lot of newbies (there were about 170 people there, total) and they were all over the road. "On your left!" You might shout. Followed by "Well, on your right, I guess" for the person who was riding along the yellow line. One racer was riding over into the oncoming lane.

My biggest criticism about this race is that, since it's not a USAT santioned event, nobody gets penalized for this kind of stupid behavior. For instance, Pinkass and her boyfriend rode side-by-side during the entire bike split, taking up the entire lane. I know this because I had to pass them, twice. "Please ride to the right, so that you can be passed on the left" I said, as nicely as possible when I went by, but they ignored me." I passed Pinkass twice, having to cross the yellow line to do it once, and she passed me twice, toward the end of the bike.

The whole time, of course, I imagined that Karen was right behind me, ready to pass me at any second. I was determined not to look behind me, trying to stick to the saying, "the race is ahead of you."

Of course, the bike was NOT 20K. At 15K I started hammering away, thinking I only had about 3 miles to go. A cruel, cruel misconception. I passed 20K sign, and my legs were getting tired, and I was still way out in the desert. I passed the 25K sign and people were starting their final sprints, passing me. By now, I was cursing freely. I was wearing out. I rolled into T2 at 30K, pretty much on momentum about 1:12 after I started. Yeah, I know. I did two half irons. This should be easy, right? Nope - I was breathless and tired when I hit that pool. and CRANKY.

I stripped down--tights, jacket, bolero, gloves, shoes--to my skinsuit and grabbled my goggles, and then tried desperately to get past a man-a spectator-who was meandering down the walkway to the pool sipping a cup of coffee. Finally, in desperation (God forgive me) I dropped my shoulder and KNOCKED him out of my way (I figure Nytro would appreciate that). There certain advantages in having extra mass "Sorry, excuse me," I muttered to the guy, feeling neither sorry nor like I needed excusing. In any case, Meandering Coffee Man gasped and stumbled off to the side, trying not to drop his coffee.

By the way, I learned that move from a childhood of playing "Red rover" in Alabama. Another advantage of having been a tomboy.

When I got to the pool, there were four or five people standing around not getting in, and I think it was because, the moment you stepped into the indoor pool area, your goggles fogged up. I didn't care, because I knew once I hit the pool they would clear, but meanwhile, here were these clowns blocking the entrence to the pool! I considered briefly the shoulder drop knock move again, but finally slid past a couple people and jumped in. I don't know what my swim split was for the 400 meters because I forgot to press the button on my watch, but I think it was about 9 or 10 minutes.

At the awards ceremony I was stunned when my name was called out, 3rd place, 40-44 females. Even more stunned when I found out that one the 2nd place winner had been put in the wrong age group, so I actually took 2nd. I wasn't expecting to win anything in this race. I had a couple of small goals that I was trying to meet, but I didn't expect any hardware out of it. Cool!

Results: 2nd place, female 40-44
Last year's time: 2:08
This year's time, 1:59

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I'm off!

I'm headed down to White Sands to begin my new triathlon season as a dead-last age-grouper.

Technically, I'm still an Athena, but I made such a fuss and was so certain that I would be down by now, well, here I am, and I can't go back. I'll be freezing my butt off but rarin' to go tomorrow morning. the Jonster and Sweet Baboo are doing this race also.

I just found out that there's a music group out there called Slow Runner. I wonder what kind of music it is? I'm gonna check this out. If I become a famous back-of-the-packer, they could be my theme music.

Aren't I a little too old to pick up new problems?

So, I'm at the dentist, having my semi-annual cleaning. I've had my metal picking, scraping and polishing, etc., by the hygienist. The dentist comes in, and then he starts poking and prodding.

Then, the stinging begins.

At first, I'm not sure I feel it,and then I'm like, "Hey, do you have something on your gloves, like a cleaner or something?"
No, he assures me.
But I'm still feeling a sting, and it's really starting to hurt. Folks, you're reading the ramblings of someone whose had multiple root canals, and had her first child, a 9-pound baby, with no spinal block. I am no pain weenie, but this was starting to feel like someone sticking needles into my gums!

After a minute or two I realize I can feel, with my tongue, a couple of bumps that have come up on my gums, near where he was examining my teeth. Ehh?

It was the hygenist solved the mystery. The dentist was wearing latex gloves, and the hygenist had worn vinyl gloves. Apparently, I've developed an allergy to latex.

Who knew? I haven't been in the hospital since my last kid was born in 1991. I came home and did the old reliable internet search and found out that there's a good reason why, for the past ten years or so, bananas, melons, some nuts, and avocados have made my mouth and lips itch and swell up. Whenever I would tell people this, though, they looked at me like I was crazy.

I hate to admit that at one point I thought latex allergies were another fad mallady. Now I read that I should have this listed on my RoadID and tell my Dr. about it and the nurse where I work.

I also found out that this allergy gets worse over time the more you're exposed to latex.

It also turns out that latex is, well, pretty much everywhere. Balloons, panty elastic. mouse pads. electronics' buttons. Spandex. Let's face it, pretty much anything stretchy and fun has it.
Huh. I suppose I'm never too old the be inconvenienced in some small way. I mean, a world without spandex and panty elastic is, well, just a world without sunshine.

Now I'm all paranoid, wondering which of my running equipment has latex in it. Like I need a reason to be paranoid anyway.
Anyway, if you're interested in reading more about this, here's a link: http://www.latexallergyresources.org.

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the Jonster completes his season.

Well, yesterday wasn' too bad. The Cross Country Banquet was interesting. We ate before going and then sat and people-watched. Ever do this? It's interesting to watch how people eat. And scary.

Parents went first, and when they opened up the line, Oh, My, God - it was like --oh hell, it WAS--a feeding frenzy. Adults actually RUSHED the food line. I was embarassed for them. I mean, I make a pig of myself at home from time to time, but in public, I try to at least look like I'm not going to eat the next person in line.

The adults piled the plates high. It was an orgy of processed meats, cheeses, pizza, and everything fried.

Except for my spaghetti.

Which nobody touched.

I am a KILLJOY.

People would have two slices of pizza AND a 6"smeat-and-cheese sub AND two or three other entrees, go back for seconds and just as much food the second time around, and then, of course, deserts.

I am fairly certian they weren't fueling any workouts.

The Jonster, formerly known as Mini-me, got his certificate for his season and some cloth numbers and both he and Sweet Baboo had to explain to me the mysterious world of letterman's jackets. The "09" is the year he graduates from high school, the year he leaves, and the year I officially get my house back.

Before triathlon, the Jonster dabbled in sports here and there but he really didn't see it through. Neither of my other two children was interested in anything active when they were growing up, mainly because I didn't encourage it.

However, when Sweet Baboo and I became involved in triathlon, we started dragging him around. We said, "Do one, don't do one. We don't care, take pictures or volunteer if you want." Eventually, though, he reasoned that there were few in his age group, and who doesn't love a medal? his competitive nature got the better of him. Nobody yelled at him if he lost. Everyone was supportive and friendly.

During his first season of triathlon, the Jonster joined and finished his first season of Cross Country at his high school, and then then tried out for and made swim team, mainly for--get this--the purpose of improving his triathlon splits. Hah! He also plans to be in track.

While in Cross Country, he had to run at least 4 miles every day after school for cross country, did lots of drills, and has knocked 9 minutes off his 5K time. the Jonster, age fifteen, throws around comments about 5K and 10K times and is pretty fluent in swim talk.

He's already swum in his first meet, and did the 100-meter back stroke and 50-meter free style (something ike 32 seconds on the latter) Last night, on the way home, he was explaining to us all the different drills he does in swimming, and we told him he'd need to show us all that he's learning, which I think made him feel pretty good.

Although he's not a running or swimming star, it will improve his triathlon time and he can excel there.

Before he joined the swim team, he thought the object was to swim as far as you can without breathing. Did you read that? SWIM AS FAR AS YOU CAN, WITHOUT BREATHING. For 6 months, this was what he thought.

Oh, Dude! I wish you'd said something! a 1500 meter swim is really long when you're trying not to breathe. Now that he's learned bilateral breathing, his swim time has dramatically improved.

This Saturday, after he does his first triathlon of th 2007 season, he'll accept the Champtionship award for the under-20 group in the Southwest Challenge Series. He was the only one to qualify.

I've always hoped that in some way I would leave the earth a better place than I found it, and would have improved the lives of othes in some small way in the meantime. I really hope that part of my legacy is to create another tri-junkie who in turns influences others to live life where running and being active is normal and eating to fuel your workout is what you think about when you serve up those portions.

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Ahh. Nothing like a sprint tri

This Saturday I have a sprint triathlon at White Sands Missel Range. I expect it to be a relaxing experience, and here's why.

Every once in a while you have "one of those days." Days that you know about in advance that are going to be completely insane, but you can't avoid them.
Yeah. This week will be like that.
Not that we're not all busy. I'm just throwing myself a major pity party.

So, today, I'll have my morning run - further proof that I'm a member of the ISR, the Insane Runner's Club ; it's 25 out but I want to go outside because I want to try out my new stuff from Sunday to see if it really keeps me warm. I'll do about 4 miles or so, then shower and hit a 6:45 am meeting (not a typo) then teach electron dot configurations all day, then go downtown to the counseling center where I volunteer and see a client, then head back uptown to the 'burbs and whip up some Potato Gnochi to take to my son's Cross Country potluck banquet where all the meat eaters will get in line ahead of me and take all the vegetarian food because "it looks so healthy." (I should have prepared this all yesterday but I spent 2 hours running errands after work, including 45 minutes waiting for my turn at the bank where I was told, "you should call the student loan people to take care of this" ). SOOO, after the banquet, where all the vegetarian food will be eaten and there will be nothing left but salads with cheese and ham bits inthem, (I HATE POTLUCKS) I'll come home and have a peanut-butter sandwitch. Then, I'll prepare tomorrow's lesson during which I'm being observed by an administrator. But first I have to go to the store to get glue, index cards, borax bananas, more protein powder, and bread.

Then the rest of the week I'll have fairly "normal" days except that after work I have a workshop, dental exam, and oil change scheduled, in that order, and of course I pick up Mini-me from swim practice at 5 and then on Friday the famdamily and I leave to go down to Las Cruces to do the first triathlon of the SWCS 2007 season, which I expect to be chilly.

but relaxing.

and now you know why.

Nothing really to say here. Just venting.

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Feels like twelve.

I didn't make it to the big 2-0 on my long run this morning.

The run I did complete (about 16 miles) was made at an impressively slow pace. I don't think I could have gone any slower unless I was standing still. Or moving backwards, in the opposite direction of where I really wanted to go. Allow me to explain why.

It all has to do with the phrase "Feels like" As in,

Expected high today: 37 F, with variable winds from the north to northeast.
Current temperature, 17 F.
Feels like 12 F.

Did you read that? It feels like twelve degrees farenheit. FEELS. LIKE. TWELVE.

Now, I'm not one to back away from a challenge, so I forged ahead. I am a serious cold weenie, though, and it was cold. Darn cold. Damned cold. Don't even bother trying to one-up me with how you went running up in Fargo or Fairbanks and it was ten below or you did the Naked Pumpkin run in the snow. I don't care; this isn't a contest, you win, shut up.

The first thing I noticed on the running trail, was that even the horses and homeless people weren't around. Did you read that? HORSES AND HOMELESS PEOPLE WERE WISER THAN I TODAY; THEY FOUND SOME PLACE BETTER TO BE THAN OUTSIDE RUNNING.

I did get a sense, however, of exactly who the insane die-hard runners are, because they were out there. Another club to which I now belong. I'm now an insane runner.

Anyway, just in case you aren't familiar with what running at this temperature feels like, I will share with your what "FEELS LIKE TWELVE" feels like.

• It feels like the icy tendrils of death and chasing your down and working their way inside your clothes.
• It feels like someone pressing their thumbs, hard, on your cheekbones, until they ache, when the wind blows across your face.
• It feels like, if you turn your head left or right, even one iota, your glasses will fog up for about the next 15 minutes.
• It feels like a pair of running pants OVER your running tights and your butt is still cold.
• It feels like your hands are curled up inside your gloves and your fingers still hurt like hell from the cold.
  
• It feels like your asthmatic lungs refusing to function because they just can't handle air that cold, so that you basically spend over 3 hours not able to get your breath.
  
• It feels like wearing neoprene on your face and still feeling the cold. NEOPRENE. ON. YOUR. FACE.
  
• It feels like trying to get your Hammer gel, now an amorphous solid, out of your gel flask, and being largely unsuccessful until you stick it in your bra for twenty minutes (I've since learned that I should add some water to it in advance).
  
• It feels like idly wondering if the neoprene thing you have on your face, which is too big because you borrowed it from your Clydesdale husband, is basically creating a pocket of carbon dioxide around your mouth so that you just continuously inhale your own exhalations.
• It feels like the crunching noise that the Clif Blok made when you bite down on it. DID YOU READ THAT? MY CLIF BLOKS WERE CRUNCHY.
  THEY. WERE. CRUNCHY.
  
• It feels like imagining newstories with passages like,
  
  "Her body was found propped up against a tree, a package of solid Clif Bloks in one hand and frozen Hammer Gel flask in another. She looked pissed."
  
  
• Feels like demanding a trip to Sportz Outdoorz to get a running jacket, insulated tights, glove liners, and my own sized neoprene thingy for my face.
  

Which we did. Sweet Baboo is a very smart man. He's heard the jokes long enough to know that there's some truth in them; "if she ain't happy, ain't nobody happy".) and I wasn't happy.

Worst run I ever had, but, as Sweet Baboo put it, I did it.

My reward was a pair of insulated conditioning tights, Brooks energy jacket, thermal glove liners, and a neoprene thingy for my face. At least I got new stuff.

Next weekend, if its this cold, I'll be ready.

...

Santa, Baby...

Dear Santa,

My friend Susan gave me this great idea today.
I won't lie. I like presents. So here's my wish list; what would yours look like?

Santa Baby, I've been a good girl, unless, of course, you subscribe to some some obsure rating system that penalizes people for not sticking to training plans, dumping a ton of butter-flavored oil on popcorn, and eating fake creme cheese frosting out of a can, yelling at the cats, or cursing teenagers silently behind their backs.

I've been thinking about what a good girl like me should get, and I want to entreat upon you the reasons why I should have need these things. There's not a whole lot on my list, because Sweet Baboo keeps me pretty well outfitted, but I have noticed some things in current issues of Runner's world, Ultrarunning that have made me, well, lustful of such things.

Here are the tangibles:

1. I should like very much to have an Ipod shuffle, 2nd generation, or as a runner up, a SanDisk mp3 player with the optional clip-on holder. They are very cool, and that coolness will results in greater efficacy while running. I can clip it onto my hat or strap of my singlet, attach an extra short earbud (I only wear one ear when I'm running) and off I go.

2. I'd like some matching pieces of the brooks "Nightlife" running ensem. They are black with reflective fluorescent yellow. I have the gloves. I now want the shirt, pants, hat, and jacket. and the shorts. Again, the coolness factor. Oh, and safety.

3. Some race ready stuff. I like the shorts with the 4" inseam and the mesh pockets in the back and the singlets with the race number holders built-in.

6. I should like many more pairs of sexy Injini toe socks. They are now making them in pink. I want pink ones.

6. A good triathlon transition setup. There's these inflatable foot rinses and very cool triathlon bag. I can get my name embroidered on it. . the same company makes a therapists bag. Very cool.

7. A Podium duel hydration system for my bike.

8. Added 12/3: Irobot Scuba. Authomatically cleans and dries hard floors. It actually is supposed to do a pretty good job, too. (Tell me you don't want one)

Now for the more intangible requests.

9. Can you do something about 8th-graders and their penchent for drama? Maybe you could make them calmer, more able to listen to reason.

10. Can you communicate to the powers that be in congress that no public school can get a 100% passing rate? It's not like a business; businesses control the type of materials they have to work with. They get to send back ingredients that are too difficult or expensive to work with. We don't. We try to teach them.

11. Could you bring a peaceable resolution to the whole Iraq debacle? Bring the boys and girls back home, please.

12. Could cats learn to cough up firballs in their litter pan instead of in the middle of the floor, where I step on them, cold and wet, in the middle of the night?

Santa, I'll put out some yummy cookies for you on the Eve. Come to think of it, you're looking a bit thick of thigh lately, so maybe it will be a protein smoothie. Either way, you'll be welcome in our house that day. Happy holidays.

There. You've all been tagged. what's on your wish list?

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