Growing up and growing out.

 “Silver strands tend to be coarse and unruly and they have a habit of sprouting straight up. I’m cultivating a new kind of plant, more wisteria than philodendron”
Elisabeth Egan for the New York Times recently wrote an essay on growing out her gray hair. This is something I’ve considered on and off. I’ve always caved. 

During COVID I was excited to find a streak of white at one of my temples. “I’ll be a silver fox!” I thought excitedly. I googled articles on caring for silver hair. I fantasized about having snow-white hair, the same color as my mother-in-law’s, and how cool that would look. My hair grows fast, so I waited with breathless anticipation. And waited. And waited. 

It turns out that I’ve inherited my mother’s graying pattern. When she died, much too young at age 61, her temples were slightly gray. The rest of her hair was a cool brown. My grandmother’s hair, as well, never quite turned white. When she died at age 86 it was a dark gray, with some darker streaks still visible. So, no silver fox for me. Just hair that is inexplicably dark, given my Northern European roots, with streaks of gray. Sprinkles, really. Sparkles. I sparkle

 

What I accomplished this week: Not much. I should have done more. That’s a fact, not a self-shaming. I was mysteriously tired this week. I just started on a new dose of semaglutide, which might account for that. 

Current weight: 87 kg. (Down from 90kg) I’m sitting here trying to convince myself to get off the chair and go workout. 

. 

…

I will not go softly

SO I’ve noticed in the past year or so how weak I’ve gotten, especially my upper body. I will not go softly into that good night. 

Plans: 

Cardio - 5k training program on the treadmill 2x week, and rowing or elliptical on the other days. 

Strength - Apple fitness strength workouts.

Flexibility/Balance - Apple fitness yoga workouts and some of the strength workouts utilize balance as well.

I also joined IFIT. We bought a bunch of Nordictrack machines, and IFIT works with them, changing resistance or speed as you follow along with the trainer, who might be in a studio, or out on a famous trail in the Mt. Hood national park, or along the Iberian coast. 

The new house we bought in Washington, on the Olympic peninsula, has a finished and enclosed garage. This is where the machines live. It’s also where I work. 

Left to right: treadmill, elliptical, rower.

 in front of the machines is a TV bolted to the wall, and room on the floor for workouts, including yoga. 

Next weekend, I’ll post my workouts for the week. 

..

Reboot. Or not.

Howdy.

I’m nearly 20 years older than I was when I started this blog. I started it because I was trying to learn as  much as I could about fitness, and weight loss, and figured that I could save someone some mouse clicks in searching for information. 

Along the way it became my brain toilet. I wrote essays about not being a cheerleader mom, about my first marathon, my first 50k, my first Ironman triathlon.

Then in 2016, one day, I was out on a walk. I was walking 4 miles a day and running 2-3 miles every morning in addition. And on this day, this day in October of 2016, I started coughing. 

For the next 7 years I tried to find a way to stop coughing. The doctors in New Mexico weren’t much help. They threw medications at me without running tests.  

Maybe you have GERD. 

You have lots of allergies. (Yup, I was eating allerest when I was 6)

You have asthma. (It’s true, since I was a child)

One nurse practitioner at a place called the “National Sinus Institute” put me on a broad spectrum antibiotic, “just in case” I had chronic sinus infection. She didn’t run any tests, I want to clarify that. And soon after, I was exposure to, and developed, c. diff.  A physician at Presbyterian Urgent Care in Albuquerque misdiagnosed me, and I wound up hospitalized for colitis in April of 2018.

After that I just kind of gave up. The cough was deep, and wracking. I would cough so hard my O2 would drop and I’d get dizzy. It triggered bronchial spasms. To be clear, a pulmonologist had already told me that my asthma was stable - that wasn’t the cause.

By 2023 I was depressed and rarely left the house. The pandemic had made people like me, people with a chronic cough, pariahs. I also had wicked stress incontinence. In April of 2023 my Sweet Baboo, my partner and husband of 23 years, announced we were moving to Hawaii. Why? Because they apparently have the best medical care in the US. (I was surprised too!)

We lived in Hawaii for a year. During that time I saw 8 different specialists. I had a ton of tests, imaging, barium swallow tests.

The verdict?

I have terrible allergies and shitty, crowded sinuses that make way too much mucous. 

I also have sleep apnea.

I had a “radio neuro ablation” of a nerve, suspected to be overactive in creating mucous, along with a “turbinate reduction”. It helped a little. I no longer have a stuffy nose.

I still have a cough.

In 2024 we moved from Hawaii to the Pacific Northwest, where I now live. It is believed that allergy shots will help a bit. We’ll see. 

In any case, I’m tired of putting off fitness because of this stupid cough. So, I’ve started trying to work my way back. Next year I turn 60; maybe by now, I’ve outlasted some of my competition. We’ll see.

Moved.

 I'm no longer involved in multisport or endurance sports. I've started my own business, a psychotherapist specializing in anxiety disorders and OCD, and in my spare time

6 years of coughing took their toll, and I don't know that I'm interested in long-distance pursuits any more.  I still go to the gym, and walk in the foothills, but running seems to be out of my realm, at least fornow.

In my spare time, I hike out into the same places where I used to run, and paint them.

You can find my new blog here.  

...and I, I have a goal.

Dear Diary,

For the first time in 7 years I have a goal.

It takes a lot to get me motivated.  I am the demotivation queen.  The princess of laziness.  In 2006, I had a goal.  Finish an Ironman.  I barely finished Ironman Lousiville.  Annoyed by my +17 hour finish, I vowed to finish another Ironman.  Faster.  I had a goal.

In 2008, I finished Ironman Coeur d-Arlane about an hour faster.

In 2011 I had another goal: Complete a double-double.  I trained to complete four marathons in 9 days.  I completed The Flying Pigg and Nashville Marathons the first weekend, returned, went to work, and then completed the Wisconsin marathon and Kalamazoo marathons the following weekend.  The Wisconsin marathon was my personal best, about 4:45.  For me, that's blazing fast.

I weighed 155 pounds.  I was 46 years old.  I felt great.  After that, but after that...I have a hard time feeling motivated about anything.

in 2015, I started feeling motivated again.  I was working on getting 30,000 steps per day, which amounts to about 4-5 miles of running and 5-6 miles of walking, every day.  I was doing great.  I was getting back into shape.  And then the coughing started, and It's taken 3 years to get back on top of that.  My times have gone up, along with my weight.  It takes me 6 hours to finish a marathon now.  More if there's hills.

Today, Himself the Baboo was picked in the lottery for the Hardrock 100. He's been entering the bleeding lottery for 7 years.  He's aged 7 years.  So have I.  This year, he was picked.

And now, I have a goal.  I will pace him to the finish.  I'm ready.  I'm motivated.

I'm 25 pounds heavier.  Certainly slower.

My tools  are two IOS apps on my phone:

Zen Labs "26.2".  I've used the C25k before.  It's well done.  Right now, it's crazy cold in the foohills behind my house, so I'm doing a lot on my treadmill in the garage.  During the week, the running plan.  On the weekends, I'll be doing a long power walk with Himself throughout the hills of east Albuquerque.

NOOM.  It's not free.  It uses a lot of cognitive behavioral methods to address eating issues and problems.  I started it last week, and it's working for me so far.  Despite myself, I find my diet changing.  It's not necessarily a calorie restriction.  It's more like retraining me to get the most nutrient dense foods I can get into me.  Frustrating, it's app-based.  I can't use a web browser to access it.  It's also not cheap.  In addition, I completed a series of webinars at work this fall on the Mediterranean diet.  I find myself eating more whole foods higher in potassium and other nutrients.

Current stats: 178.2 lbs, this morning. Goal: 155.
53.8 years old.   Not much to change that.
current marathon time: about 5:45 to 6 hours, if it's flat.  Goal: 5 hours.
Current 50K time: about 9 hours.   Goal: 8 hours.

So...here we go!

...

What shall I do with my shiny, stress-free life?

Dear Diary,

This week marked the end of six years of tyrrany. 

A person in my life, who shall remain nameless, left town, never to return, and I now have what feels like a whole new job.  Instead of 100% case management, I'm now doing 50% case management and 50% group therapy.  And, I'm doing it without constant micromanaging and what I assume is the tacit understanding that with three master's degrees in my field, I might be a fucking professional.  I'm still working on the organizational aspect of it - until I've done a month's worth of groups I need to write a month's worth of groups for younger children AND for teens both, but luckily, they are short-term groups for the inpatient setting where I work.

And if you thought I was tough before: this week I did a mindfulness group with about eight children under the age of 13.  Some of them were still, and, well, mindful.  Many of them wiggled and a couple folded themselves up inside their yoga mats and looked like little wontons.  Then we colored.  It was great.

I just finished my 5th Barre class tonight and I am starting to feel the difference.  I have never cared much for "the burn" but I force myself to give it just five more seconds...before collapsing into a quivering heap.  I notice that I am holding poses a bit longer.  I feel a bit less hopeless.  I feel a bit more stronger.   I can turn my head and look over my left shoulder. 

Thursday nights I'm taking a basic painting class.  I told the teacher I had painted before, and in fact I sold 3 paintings last year and 2 pen-and-ink drawings this year, but the truth is that 2 of the paintings and one of the pen drawings were done under supervision, and I really want to be able to learn from the very basics what to do.  So far we studied color theory.  I have really wanted to take a college-level painting class, but unless I can get every Friday off, that's not going to happen.

After a pretty warm fall the temperature suddenly plummeted and there were 20 mph winds.  Since I'm not acclimated I run on the treadmill in the garage, still working through the couch-to-5k program to get my out of walking/hiking mode and more into running mode.

That's it for this week so far.  Just checking in.

...

Who turned off the heat?

Dear Diary,

Dedicated to my mom, who died way too young at 61 of heart
failure from idiopathic cardiomyopathy.  

It seems like just 2 weeks ago I was commiserating with Sweet Baboo of how this seemed like an unusually long summer and warm fall.  Then this week someone turned the heat off.  This is awesome, because I'm much more likely to get out of the house when it's cool out.

Last weekend I completed the 50k at Hennepin--Sweet Baboo ran the 100 miles in 22 hours and HEY, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ME.  PAY ATTENTION TO ME.  (but seriously, he's like from Krypton and shit).  The Hennepin 50k started at 5 pm and the sun set 90 minutes later.  That left 7.5 hours for me to run through the dark and rain.

Of course, my Garmin does not last until I finish a 50k, so I have to switch to my Apple Watch after about 6 hours.  So this is the result:



Illinois is the 46th state I which I've completed a marathon or longer.

It was chilly, but luckily most of the rain held off until 11:30 at night.  I managed to do a run-walk the first 16 miles or so, and then after that I had to Walk.  I'm just not in the best shape right now, although I do have pretty sturdy feet and legs.  They carry me, just not quickly.

It was also disappointingly not a real "trail".  Most of it was blacktop.  I'm definitely losing 2 toenails.  Himself, the Baboo, is still recovering from what to me would be a sprint for 22 hours.

  

I took several pictures at the start line, and then two others after I started as the light started to dim.



The week prior to my run, a coworker talked me into taking a Barre class, which I tried, and liked well enough.  It's a combination of ballet conditioning, pilates, and yoga, and it's tough. I like that I can reserve a spot in a class, and that the classes are capped.

It also makes me feel like a bit of a cliche, a woman of a certain age packing my sticky socks, capris, and tank top into the back of my white SUV and heading there after work...  It is a LOT tougher than I imagined, and I discovered after my first barre class that 1) I have no upper body strength, 2) Even my lower body isn't what I would call "strong", and 3) my core--well, fuggetaboutit.  I went to class once before the run, and twice during the week.

The good news is that owing to my constant wearing of high heels going up on my toes ain't no big thang.  I have good balance, too.



I discovered after I put this in manually that my Apple Watch has a "yoga" setting, which I'll use for future workouts.  I burn a whopping 200 or so calories in an hour, according to Garmin and Apple.

For the record, I am, without a doubt,
the largest person

in every barre class I've been in so far.  It doesn't help that like many exercise classes, there is a large wall-sized mirror so I get to look at myself trying to work out at my heaviest weight since 2005

This morning, my class was full of 19-year-old sorority sisters trying out the class.  Literally.  Happily, most of them were struggling.  Sorry, but yes, I am that petty.  If I have to look at your size 0 ass bent over in front of me in exercise class, you had better be suffering.

I spent the week in recovery going to barre class and started my new painting class, as well.  More on that another time.



At work we've had a series of webinars on the Mediterranean diet and I've discovered that for the first half of the day, I'm basically on it.  Then it all falls apart as they start bringing in sheet cake, donuts--holy shit, hospitals are the unhealthiest places to work EVAR.

I discovered in the webinar about the existence of these:

   

Tomorrow, I go back to running my 2-3 miles every morning, hopefully working my way up to 4-5 miles on most days.  My plan for Barre class it to do it for at least a month to help get my arms and core back into shape.

I canceled the marathon double I was supposed to do next weekend in MD/NJ.  No way am I ready for this.  I did, however, sign up for the Black Canyon 50K.  Actually it's like a 55k or a 60k. Aravaipa Running does put on a good race--I have to admit that as much as I hate Southern AZ.  This will be my 3rd attempt at what should be an easily finished run for me.  The first year, there was a series of freak rainstorms.  The second year, 2018, I started seeing double.  By the time I was checked out and rehydrated, I'd missed the cutoff for leaving the aid station.  so 2019 is it.

I have 4 states left.  I hope to get them in 2019.

Meanwhile, at work, things are settling down nicely and the pain in my neck and shoulder has dissipated with the exit of my toxic coworkers.  I can turn my head and everything.  Next step is to reverse 6 years or so of stress eating hospital food.

...