I've done a lot of stuff in my life that I shouldn't have been able to do. Most of that stuff, though, was done with sheet stubborness and quick thinking. I'm not so sure that will be enough to get me through this. This takes, um, some physical ability. My training is largely done. Was it enough? I'll know in 12 days. It was the most I've ever done. We'll see soon enough if it was enough.
I've never given up on anything at all, except maybe the Grady Williams when I got lost last year. I've even cried and dreamed of giving up during two other triathlons, because I was so damned tired, but I never did.
WHY on earth do I do this. Oy. I've decided that I have a strong need to be a codependent martyr. Yeah, that's it. But, since I'm married to a Sweet Baboo, in a normal and healthy relationship, my subconscience craves for some sort of codependent relationship.
I have found this in triathlon.
L
ike an abused wife, I'll come back again and again, making all sorts of excuses as to why I put up with the fatigue and wear and tear and expense of triathlon and say, weakly, things like,"you know, when I'm not aching and dead tired, I'm really having fun."
But anyway.
I have to think positive. Okay.
Positive. Think happy thoughts.
Now, I've been accused of having an unrealistic optimism at times by Sweet Baboo, but even I can't come up with a daily happiness list of ten happy things like Mary Sunshine has done. She's aptly named! I can do one list, though.
I need to do this to take my mind off the feeling of dread and nausea and worry that finds its way into my subconscience these days.
So here they are, ten happy things. things that make me happy.
1) I'm happy that I'm healthy enough to even consider trying an Ironman.
2) I'm happy that I'm married to a Sweet Baboo who encourages me in this craziness. I know there are folks out there whose partners are less than supportive. I'm very fortunate.
3) I'm happy that Andie genuinely though that I was ten years younger than I am. It bears mentioning again because it's been a long time since anyone asked me for my ID while buying my occasional Jose Cuervo margaritas.
4) I'm happy that I have a job where I can get time off to do this. There are some people who have jobs where they are fired if they have a sick kid. For all my grousing about my job, I have to say that working for a school means that your employers are nothing if not family friendly.
5) I'm happy that when I turned the corner tonight and caught my reflection unexpectedly in a window, I was struck with how much thinner I am than I used to be. If I didn't know myself, I might be thinking, "why, she looks rather fit."
6) Speaking of which, I'm happy about a certain coworker who I recently met, who asked if I was a runner or something because I look pretty fit. At times when I'm ruminating over my extra belly or who lumpy I think I look in bike shorts, I can come back to this moment.
7) I'm happy to be sitting in this little bistro, sipping my coffe and tapping away on my laptop. Pretty soon I'll join Pirate for an evening swim workout and then go home to a good night's sleep. I have a wonderful life.
8) I'm happy that, succeed or fail, August 26th I'll be headed out on my own two legs.
9) I'm happy to have three kids that think I was a pretty good mom, which is astonishing for so many reasons I just can't go into now. I'm happy they stay in contact with me, although not as often as I'd like.
10) I'm happy to be living in an age where medical science has advanced me to this point. I have asthma, and astigmatism, am horridly nearsighted and have been operated on, twice, for a
tumor in my middle ear. Yet, here I am, ready to swim, bike, and run.
Yep, Swim, bike, and run.
Time's up. I'm going for a swim.
L8R's...
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