Saturday, April 25, 2009

(For Alice, and the others.)

It seems like I've done things backwards in my life.  While my friends were getting settled into their lives, I was on a whirlwind tour of "how badly can I screw up my life??"  Marriages, kids, divorces, and finally, therapy.  I think I provided cheap entertainment for my friends and relatives...if nothing else, I definitely gave them something to talk about.

All of this came to a head with the death of my mother after a long illness, leaving me alone to deal with three children, and life and the sudden realization of how very, very complicated and difficult life had become.  And how much I could hurt.  And eventually, how much I could overcome.

That seems long ago, now.  It's been ten years since then, and when I would have settled for good enough, I got better than that.  But now, I'm a spectator to the despair that I hear and see in phone calls and emails from people I care about.  The kind that I felt once.  

But you--you are no stronger or better than I, so you will get through it, as I did once.  You will get better, I promise.  You will be happy again.  

I would never try to minimize your pain.  I just want you to know that one day you will no longer feel like you're waking every day to a nightmare, wondering if it will end, and wishing desperately for a way to stop hurting.  I remember days when I would wake up, and before I opened my eyes, the pain of another day of dealing with my life was already on me.  I remember late one night, standing on a good friend's front porch, in a nightgown and raincoat, crying in the rain, knocking on her door, clutching yet another divorce decree in my hand.  I moved through it, one day at a time.  I took care of myself, and leaned on and cried with people who cared for me.  

Move forward, one day at a time.  Always believe and know that there is a better future for you, and happy times, whether it is  alone or with someone else.  

I got better.  Life got better. You will, too.    

There will be a day when you wake up and you feel normal, and there will even a day when you look back and your hurt is a distant memory.  The memory of how bad life can feel and how much life can hurt will make you appreciate life and it will seem a little better for it.  You will be stronger.  

You will be happy again.  I promise.



  1. Been there too-!
    And so glad that you are on the other side helping those that may need your encouraging words!

  2. Could not have said it better myself!


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