a) Ever walked into a room, flipped on a light, and something scurried or flew across your face? Remember little electric shock you got when that happened? Okay, hold onto that thought....
b) Ever been in a car flying down a road, and the road dipped suddenly and rose back up again just as suddenly? You know that sudden heart-in-your-mouth + slightly nauseated feeling you get? Okay, hold onto that thought....
c) Now add in that sinking feeling you have when you realize that you forgot to do something really, really, really important, and now you can't do it and you're seriously going to catch hell.
Add those up, and experience them all at once, for, oh, about a half hour. That's a panic attack.
So anyway. So, I had a panic attack the night before, and was dreading my long run. Then I had another one while out on my next long run. Which made me dread my next long run. Which begs the question,
What happens to long distance runners who get agoraphobia?
This is the first time I've had this problem since the late 90s, and 
I only had one back then, but it's been building for a long time. I'll need to go see someone to deal with some issues I've been putting off for a long time. This has been building, by the way, for several years. For several years I would avoid going out to do errands because I "didn't feel like it".
I only had one back then, but it's been building for a long time. I'll need to go see someone to deal with some issues I've been putting off for a long time. This has been building, by the way, for several years. For several years I would avoid going out to do errands because I "didn't feel like it".
But I thought I was past that. I'm not. Apparently, the downside of not having kids around is that you no longer have anyone to worry or be aggravated by, so you get all kinds of time to get into your own head, which for me, is not the best place to be.
There's all kinds of crap in there, in my head, stuffed wayyyyyyyy back into my "let's not deal with this right now" closet. Then I opened the closet, which was overstuffed, and a whole bunch of my past fell out, all over the place. So there it is. The result is, "get the girl a magazine rack; she's got a lot of issues."
The short answer to the question "what happens to ultrarunners do who get agoraphobia?" is that they start searching for CBT providers in their insurance provider director. The even shorter answer is that they go to their family doc. Who gives them a fast-acting benzodiazepene to ward off the next panic attack.
Which worked, by the way. I used one pill yesterday (Saturday) when I felt one coming on for my 11-miler, and it worked. I didn't use any on today (Sunday) and got through my long run pretty well (18 miles).
Meanwhile.
I've got white wine, Wellbutrin, Xanax, powerbars, and HEED.
Party at my place.
...
