I can't seem to blog.

Dear Diary,

2012 has been a difficult year for keeping up with blogging.

13. My computer at work is older and the version of IE on it won't load the blogger interface. Blogsy, on my ipad, erases any blog I write and don't immediately upload. Or, as it appears to have done today, it replaces an old post with a new one, wiping out the old post completely.

Now, soon they are going to "refresh" my computer and put all new software on it; in the meantime I can hardly march into the director's office and demand,  I have a BLOG. I need a newer computer. Now.

12. Himself introduced me to Angry Birds. Now I am frequently Very Busy.

11. Work - is good. Very good. Right now it is slow, just slow enough to get me adjusted to the new stuff I do. I am getting very positive feedback. In fact, just this morning the director said I was doing 'great job'.

10. Internship - has gotten weird. After being a good mentor, confidante, and guru my instructor suddenly does not greet me or smile and ignores me most of the time. This new behavior started after two weeks in Europe, leading me to believe it's her issue, not mine. But geez, if you can't smile after being in Europe for two weeks, what the feck is your problem?

But I will pass, and be done, and I don't have to deal with this nightmare MSW any more. This is what endurance running has taught me: you do what you have to, no matter how crappy it gets, and you put your head down and finish. Ultrarunning is pretty much an analogy for finishing despite suffering.

9. Running - is picking up. I did the Angel Fire 50K this past weekend. Now, I was looking forward to this. Here is the "last minute course change", May 18, which is an out-and-back. You do the out and back, and then run out again for 3 miles and return. There's your 31 miles.

Doesn't this look like a pleasant run?

But this was not the run that I did. THIS was the course that they gave us.

It was a brutal course. Most of the trail was covered in small loose boulders, sticks, and pinecones. I felt pretty beat up at the end. I cried after the first 25 miles because I didn't want to go back out and finish the 10K that was left. There were a LOT of DNFs. Boy, I was pissed. But the pissiness went away when they gave me this:

8. A long time ago the New Mexico Outlaws were formed by a guy named MG. After a couple years, he decided he no longer wanted to be in charge, so he turned it over to Sweet Baboo, who recruited more members, and eventually MG stopped being a member. A couple years after that, MG decided he missed being in charge, so he started his own team with a different name. He had a shiny new team with a shiny new logo and began recruiting new members, including some away from the old team. We were all, whatever. Now all of the sudden, years later, he is claiming that the Outlaws is "his" name and selling merchandise with the name on it. He has the domain name, so he thinks he "owns" the outlaws name.

Which reminds me of an old joke:

Question: How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer: None. Why should they change anything? They are perfect just the way they are. It's YOU who should change.

Even after 99 miles he's kicking my ass.

7. Western States - I crewed himself at Western States. It was a difficult race to crew. Two of the major crew points required that you catch a shuttle (school bus) to the actual aid station, and progress was hampered by "crews" consisting of, for example, and pregnant woman with five small children (who wasn't carrying any supplies for crewing). I am writing a post soon about what crewing is and isn't. Meanwhile, just so you know: Western States is a difficult race to crew. Also interesting to mention is that apparently Sweet Baboo had to slow down so that I could run in with him. Geez.


6. Facebook - I sat down with Facebook for the first time in a long time and realized I have too many "friends". The problem was, there are people I communicate with regularly, but sometimes I miss their updates when someone who is the friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend posts "Roxie just made the cutest face!" I started searching most of my "friends" individually, and I was extremely distressed to realize that one had died nearly a year ago and I didn't know it, mainly because I didn't exchange information much with this person. Two others had died, and I knew about it, but people continued to post on their walls, which would show up in my feed. I found people I had

"friended" in 2008 and never had any exchange with of any kind after that - no comments, no posts, on each other's walls. Other people had over 1000 friends and I figured they wouldn't miss me. Some of my "friends" where celebrities of a type who I've never had any kind of interchange with.

So, I dropped a bunch of people. I hope nobody is hurt by that.

Meanwhile, I've started an AthenaDiaries facebook page.

http://www.facebook.com/AthenaDiaries

Dedicated to the born-again athete and back-of-the-packer. I figure it can be a good place to put information that might be useful, like new products, stuff on sale, new races with generous cutoff, stuff like that.

5. I gained more weight. Back up near 160. Eep. Some of my clothes are uncomfortable. THis may, or may not, have anything to do with my general slothfulness this spring. I'm back working on it. I don't want to buy new clothes.

[PLACEHOLDER: I WAS GOING TO GOOGLE FAT AND CHOOSE AND IMAGE TO PUT HERE, BUT THEY ARE JUST TOO DISTURBING. ]

4. Two weeks until the Vermonth 100K. I have 20 hours to finish this. If I can pull off 100K at this point I'll be pretty happy, and will have a new state in my collection. Vermont is my last "big race" of the year and so I'll start over with a new training plan after it's over, to prepare for the Mt. Taylor 50K.

3. You have to have 14% bodyfat, if you're a chick, to have a six-pack. Crazy. According to a recent research study I was in, I'm nearly 1/3 fat, so my plan to wear just a colorful running bra one of these days in a race is looking pretty dim.

2. I recently found out that our local medicaid administrator for behavioral health, a private corporation who I refer to as The Evil, gives their employees gift cards for denying lots of claims.  UNETHICAL much?  Even better, the particular employees are called patient care advocates.

1. Hoping to take off the 9-ish or so pounds I put on this year being a puss and feeling sorry for myself. I'm hoping to accomplish this by September, when we have the Mt. Taylor 50K. That would mean running at 150 lbs. I hope, I hope. Problem is, I've gotten into such bad food habits the past few months.

 So this week's good food habit is: dividing my lunch into two containers, and eating one at 11:00 and one at 2:00.

OH, what the hell.  Here's a demotivator for you: