Notes on things shaped like pyramids.

So I’m sitting in weekly meeting #2 of The Challenge. The speaker at the front of the room is conducting a question-and-answer session. The current topic is, as always, one of the sponsors who is mentioned in nearly every email and handout.

You don’t have to use them, the speaker assures the crowd. But they’re so much easier that going it alone! Gawd forbid you sit down with charts and all that complicated stuff, when you can just measure scoops of powder and get all you need from “whole food” powder shakes.

There is a display of the products set up, and little anecdotes: You know, Kyle and I are just so busy when we get home, too busy to cook – so I just mix up a little shake, and voila! Dinner is served. All I have to ask is: Peanut Butter, or Chocolate?”

They talk a lot about toxins built up in our bodies that simply must be cleansed.

They talk about this a lot, even though there is nothing to support it in the medical literature. If you cleanse out the toxins, they say, you'll feel so much better. You'll lose weight. It. Will. Change. Your. Life.

I look around the crowd, earnest, hopeful faces. I hope future happiness isn't hinging on “whole food” powders, as they write checks to a promise to change their lives.

So why am I doing this? Well, the structure, and the proceeds go to charity. It's a contest, also, where your before-and-after pictures and essay are judged, so I joined for fun and, well, "the challenge." I have gotten some very good information about diet and exercise from the book they gave me and the handouts that is separate from the constant push to sell the product.

My stuff is from Kroger or Costco, including the 6-8 glasses of Crystal Light I drink despite dire warnings that Splenda is just one atom away from pool treatment and will just make me so toxic that nobody, not even me, will be able to stand me and Baboo may immediately divorce me. Or something.

I look around at the couples who are talking. They are clearly interested in the pitch. Some are disappointed when they find out the prices - Introductory programs are $200, $300, and up. I can't afford it, their faces say. That hopeless look makes them an easy target for a good pitch man to move in for the kill:

We give you the opportunity to earn money immediately every time you personally enroll an Associate with us. We offer you a one-time Product Introduction Bonus of $10-$80 for each new Associate you personally enroll, when they order an optional Product Introduction Pak at time of sign-up (within 60 days for a President's Pak).

Cheap, simple changes are easier to maintain. My weekly resistance-training plan and eating tracking is on SparkPeople, using my body weight or resistance bands. Since I can't run right now; I'm power-walking several days a week during lunch, with a longer hike on weekends. I've divided up my eating into 6 small meals a day and increased my protein intake and eat the bulk of my calories in the first half of the day. When I gain weight, it's because I ate too much and moved too little. Simple.

I notice a pretty, but very large woman sitting alone. She looks in her checkbook and then back up to the stage, considering. She's going to do it, I think. She's going to spend a couple hundred or more on this stuff.
Oh, do I know that naive, desperate feeling.

They couldn't say it if it weren't true, could they, she might be thinking, it must work...I want so badly to be thinner. I know I would be happier if I were thinner...

She looks hopeful. I’m hopeful for her. I hopeful that she eventually figures out that to feel better about herself, she doesn’t need all those white plastic canisters up on stage.
Canisters that are, ironically, stacked in a pyramid.

...

Oh, I don't know, maybe the weather?

I'm calling to talk to you about your son's absenses--

His what?

--his absences. He's missed 3 days of class, and it's hurting his grade--

His grade? Wait. What absences? When? I haven't authorized any absences for him.

Let's see....um...looks like, every Friday of this month...

WHAT?

- one is unexcused, but the rest it looks like you called in and said he was sick. So, anyway, his grade in my glass has fallen to an F, and since he's a senior...

Why haven't I gotten any calls from the attendance computer?

Is your number 896-5610?

No. In fact, as I recall, that is the high school principle's number.
(and so on.)

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Text messages, with 17-year-old son:

MOM: 2 DS. 1 F. ABSENCES on JAN 9, 16, 23, 26. U R IN BIG TROUBLE.

SON: I WASN'T GONE ON 26.

MOM: NO TV NO I-NET WE WILL REVISIT YOUR SITUATN IN MARCH.

SON: WHAT. NO. U CANT DO THAT

MOM: HAVE TALKED TO REGISTAR, COUNSLR & TCHRS.
MOM: U R 2 COME STRAIGHT HOME FROM SCHOOL NO NEGOTIATN!! I. AM. PISSED!!

SON: ABOUT WHAT?

...

People who shouldn't be giving advice on vegetarianism.

I'm hating lunges a bit less these days. The first few times it was like: STEP - curse a lot, wobble - STEP - curse some more, try not to fall over - STEP - pretend to hear the phone ringing and stop to go answer it. But now, it is getting easier.

Meanwhile.

As I stated before, I'm determined to finish THE CHALLENGE as a vegetarian who sucks down a LOT of Splenda and hasn't had one single enema. And I don't want to come off sounding like I'm all that because I'm a vegetarian - it's my decision. What I'm annoyed about today is non-vegetarians or non-dieticians giving advice about vegetarian diets.

My platoon leader is supposedly a vegetarian, but doesn't seem to be a very educated or adventurous one.  She means well.

(edited: 1/29)

Here's her suggested daily menu "tweaks" (with vegetarian options, in red):

=======================================
Breakfast: 3-4 egg whites, 1/4 cup of oatmeal

Snack: Protein shake with high protein and medium carbs
or 3.5 oz of tuna and a tomato

Lunch: 2 cups of lettuce, and 1 -5oz chicken breast or another lean meat

Snack: Protein shake with high protein and medium carbs,
or 3.5 oz of tuna and a tomato

Dinner: 6 oz lean meat and 1 cup vegetables.

Snack: Protein shake with high protein and medium carbs
or 3.5 oz of tuna and a tomato

==================================

Ugh! Bland. Boring. Restrictive. And hey, where is my fuel? Is it just me or are there next to NO carbs this entire day, after breakfast? How am I supposed to do any cardio at all on that? Plus, if you analyze this, you'll find that it's very calorie restrictive - I'd be afraid that it would throw my body into some sort of starvation mode. And my body doesn't need any excuse to hang onto fat.

Don't pee on my skirt, as Judge Judy used to say, and tell me it's raining; don't tell me that in order to eat realistically as a vegetarian that I have to drink meal replacements all day long, because that isn't realistic or sustainable. Here's my real daily menu (sample day):

First thing in the morning: I get up and drink 16 ounces of water.

Snack: Chocolate Protein shake with protein powder, 2 cups of soy milk, Splenda-based syrup flavoring, 2 shots of espresso, unsweetened cocoa.

Breakfast: Yoplait or Kroger Light non-fat yogurt with fruit & Kroger Active Life (high-protein, high-fiber) oatmeal stirred in dry. 16 ounces of water with peach green tea Crystal Lite.
(on weekends, I have an egg beaters omelet with egg beaters, fat-free cheese, and some black beans, veggies and salsa or maybe spinach and mushrooms with fat-free cheese on my omelet. AND YES, IT'S COOKED IN A HIGHLY TOXIC, NON-STICK PAN.)

Lunch: Boca or Morningstar Farms Burger with fat-free american cheese slice on a whole-wheat bun, some fat-free dressing, and maybe some mushrooms on it. I like to dress up my veggie burgers. A cup or two of veggies, and 16 ounces of water. Other options: egg-salad sandwich, hummus sandwich, or chick-pea salad sandwich.

Snack: Protein bar from Costco + more water with crystal lite. Sometimes, I have some V8 soup too.

Dinner: Egg-beaters omelet, or seitan, or a tofu dish. Veggies or (my personal favorite) a HUGE salad of field greens, dried cranberries, almonds, and low-fat blue-cheese dressing.

Snack: Fat-free cottage cheese with a bit of fruit or just salt-and-pepper. Or yogurt. Sometimes I fall asleep and don't get my snack.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm currently looking through vegetarian and vegan bodybuilding forums to get ideas for homemade protein bars. These things are rediculously expensive! even from Costco. And, they have a lot of saturated fat in them.

It's really, really, really cold today so I'm going to go climb stairs during my lunch hour.


That's all. Thanks for letting me rant.


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Random thoughts in the middle of week 2 of "The Challenge"

My hair is moving past that awkward, growing-out stage and approaching a point where I can tie it back if it displeases me. This morning, I decided that I liked my mirror image, and it was a good day.

This morning I was asked, by a coworker with no stake in the asking or the answer: Are you losing weight? Your pants look looser. It is rediculous how happy such an offhand question can make me.

Why, yes, the pants are looser, thank you. I've lost 6 or 7 pounds; before long, I may be able to expand my work wardrobe beyond the very narrow range that currently fits me and into the stuff that's been relegated to the "too small" section of my closet.

Issues: Contrary to questions I've received, I'm not, em, "gassy". However... (64 ounces of water a day) I am like the proverbial racehorse. Not in that I'm sleek, powerful and fast; more that I am in the bathroom All. Day. Long. I am NOTHING if not well-hydrated.

And, as I was telling DP, I actually feel better this week. My skin is clearer, and I feel less bloated. What felt like a very restrictive diet now feels more normal this week, and some of the nastier cravings have subsided. I'm averaging between 1600 and 1900 calories a day. My energy is good, too, and more stable, thoughout the day. I'm not getting the post-lunch sleepiness.
??
Maybe this is how I should be eating - maybe, for my body type, maybe I'm supposed to be getting more lean protein? It would fit with all the stuff I've read about endomorphs.

I am making use of stuff I can get at Costco, such as EAS protein powder, Premier protein bars, Yoplait light yogurt, Boca Burgers, Vanilla soy milk, and a Costco version of Egg Beaters (PS: Egg beaters are real eggs; they just have the yolks taken out.) The Yoplait light is fat-free and sugar-free. I switched from crumbled blue cheese/feta cheese to Wishbone light blue cheese dressing. Big savings with respect to saturated fat.

I had my first cheat meal last week, and it was a gargantuous bowl of popcorn, and even then my caloric intake for that day didn't go over 2100.

Resistance training: I bought a couple of resistance bands and a pair of "Pushup-Pro" things to make pushups easier on my wrists. I took these things to work, and started using during my morning and afternoon breaks in my office. My arms hurt. Ow. Upper body work is Tuesday/Thursday, and Lower Body Work is Monday/Wednesday. I work about 15 minutes, tops, each workout. Lunch time is walk (or, when the IT band heals) jog time.

I did not do the 18 miles I was planning on Sunday. I woke up feeling my IT band, and decided to take the day off. I think this Saturday I may return to spin, depending on how my IT band is doing. We'll see.

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Thought for the Day

Saw this on a movie about the Tahoe Rim Trail Ultra yesterday:


"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." (Emerson)



Also: Miss. Rachel gave me a fabulous blogger award:

RULES: list 5 things you're "addicted" to, then bestow the honor on five of your favorite bloggers.

My Five "Addictions" in no particular order:

1. Facebook Space Raiders - this is, admittedly, a pathetic thing to be addicted to. It serves no useful purpose, is not lovely, and does not make the world a better place.

2. True Crime. As in, I have Google alerts that notify me when something happens on a story I'm following. I'm especially fascinated by missing people, who then turn out to have been done away with by someone in their own household. They always get caught. It's just a matter of time. I get a distinct pleasure out of watching the process of them getting caught - ha. that'll serve you!

3. Sweet Baboo. When he's not around, I get bored, I eat all the wrong things, and I stay up too late, falling asleep in front of the TV. Everything's just off-kilter.

4. Gadgetry. I must, must, must at all times have a cell phone, garmin, and ipod with me. Even on my workouts. That way I'm connected, know where I am, and am enteretained. All at once. Yeah, I know. Loving the journey and all that, being mindful, shouldn't need music to feel the joy...Blah, blah, blah.

5. Coffee. "Stuff White People Like" notwithstanding, I like mine in the form of espresso (2x shot) with loads of Splenda and soy milk in it. Mmmm.

Five Fabulous Bloggers
Dread Pirate
21st century Mom
Trail Goddess
Run, Bitch, Run
Courtney




BTW, I'm signing up for the Tahoe Rim trail run. No headphones allowed. I'm heavily dependent on my music, as I mentioned above. Any suggestions (other than lectures about why I shouldn't wear headphones)?

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Notes from the week.

Here's some graphs from LifeForm:

Training this week:
I power-walked between 2 and 3 miles Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday during my lunch hour.
Saturday, Sweet Baboo and I did a 5-1/2 mile hike in the foothills behind our new abode. Tomorrow, I'll be power-walking 18 miles down Tramway and back.
That's a total of about 32 miles this week. Not bad for someone who can't run right now.

I'm going to be working this next week on bringing down the fat some: especially the saturated fat.

So, I went to the first "THE CHALLENGE" meeting this past Thursday. They provided us in the beginning with a really nice log book and guidelines for eating, and each time we go to one of these meetings I get one or two pieces of truly useful information that I wouldn't have gotten had I not attended.

But. the rest of the time Sweet Baboo and I spend rolling our eyes and masking our skepticism. And sighing deeply. I have never met a people so invested in the cleanliness of their colons and so eager to sell me something called Isogenics. No, I don't want to hear your success story and how much you owe it all to Isogenics. Thanks.

Puh. Leeze.

They gave us a checklist of things that make you toxic. Apparently, my body is a Superfund site. What follows is a short list of things I do that make me toxic:

...wearing makeup, coloring my hair, eating splenda, drinking tap water, drinking bottled water, (??) eating non-organic food, living within 100 miles of non-organic agriculture, bathing in tap water, washing my clothes with regular store-bought detergent, wearing deodorant and/or antiperspirant, wearing lotions and/or sunscreens, swimming in a chlorinated pool, driving my car every day, never having had a colonic...

In the contest between me and Baboo, I won: I'm the most toxic, mostly due to my vanity, although, as men go, Baboo is awfully clean and he was a close second. We have to have our priorities, right? I've claimed mine. Apparently, in order to be non-toxic, I have to be plain, ugly, sunburned, dry-skin, dirty, and smelly. I'm far, far too vain to be non-toxic.

Well, I'll show 'em. I'm determined to finish THE CHALLENGE as a makeup-wearing, hair-dying, water drinking vegetarian who sucks down a LOT of Splenda and hasn't had one enemas or colonic.

And that's all I'm going to say on the matter of poo and all things related to poo, because I personally never cared much for it in conversation except perhaps among the closest of friends seeking some sort of advice. Even when my kids were little I didn't talk about it, and couldn't understand why anyone would. The end.

Oh. And I bought one of these. and also one of these. I can't wait until they get here.


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What Title 9, Team Estrogen, and others need to know.

Thought for the day: Some endurance fashion that will just never look right on me. Accepting this is part of recovery.

1) Running skirts. RBR's post reminded me of my love/hate relationship with these. I own about eight of these little bastards. Oh, they are incredibly cute on the hanger, and on tiny little people like DP. I have some black ones, two pink ones, and a blue one. They are ADORABLE (high, squealy voice).
DP, goes on and on and on about how much she hearts her running skirts. And on.

But. I simply don't have the inner thigh clearance required to actually exercise in one of these. I am, hands down, an endomorph. Oh, I know what you're thinking, But, some have little shorts in them!

THOSE are the worst - the heart-breaking promise that is the little shorts. Within two minutes into the run they've rolled up as far as they can until they are, effectively becoming thongs, and then I spend the rest of the time pulling them back down again. I had one, just one experience with chaffed thighs when I wore one of these in a half marathon. Never again.

I'm not buying any more. I mean it. No, really. I do.

2) Low-rise pants and shorts or same with the waistband rolled down. Please. Do I even need to mention these? Unless I can get down to about 18% body fat, these will never, ever look right on me, and let's be honest: after carrying 8, 9, and 10-pound babies in the same 6 year period, muffin top takes on a whole other meaning separately from the Seinfeld reference.

3) My regular pants. How come when I gain weight, they get shorter? More importantly, do I want to know the answer to that question?

4) Hats/Beanies/Caps. I don't like what these do to my hair. I wear visors and bands instead. Yeah. I'm that vain.

5) Running Tights and capris in any color but black. I really don't at this point have the type of body that looks sleek in these clothes. Even in black I often wear extra jackets or shirts that I've discarded tied around my waste to cover up what I perceive to be my most glaring imperfections. I've tried bright red bike shorts (bad idea) and bright blue tights (even worse idea). Told you I was vain.

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Day 4 of "The Challenge" rambling: It's getting easier. I find that the hardest part is getting started; after a couple days of working out meals I get into a schedule that works for me, and then it's just been a challenge to get in all my eating.

Even though I'm a vegetarian, it's been surprisingly easy to get in lean protein sources. For example, first thing in the morning I blend together 2 cups of vanilla soy milk, 2 scoops of vanilla protein, 2 shots of sugar-free coffee flavoring syrup, and a double-shot of espresso, and voila: 45 grams of protein. That's about 1/3 of my daily requirement on this program.

I tried Wishbone light blue cheese dressing to replace the fatty crumbled cheese that I tend to like on my salads, and it's pretty good. I heart my evening salads, to which I add a small amount of dried cranberries and other dried fruits and nuts, and my light blue cheese dressing. It's a daily treat that I eat with relish.

I'm about 3-4 pounds down. I'm still having trouble getting in all the water, but was notified by one of the Challenge organizers that I can add crystal lite, so that will make it easier.

Sweet Baboo, meanwhile, gets a daily allotment of about a million calories. Damnit.
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