I'm not in the seventh grade, and I've got things to do.

Dear Diary,

13. Okay. Give up? The marathon double we're doing is Saturday is the Sehgahunda in New York, and on Sunday, the Memorial Day marathon in Massachusettes. Mr. Smarty smart turned in some frequent fly miles.

12. My crappy Friday. Friday morning I woke up to a sharp, unpleasant feeling in my pelvis. It got lots worse, until I finally recognized it: shit. This is another damned ovarian cyst. Ow, ow, ow. You can imagine how unromantic this morning was with me weeping and trying to find a comfortable position. Finally, Baboo offered me a Tylenol 3, which I took with a sip of diet soda. Tylenol 3 is the bomb. I love, love, love Tylenol 3.

Anyway, it must have ruptured or something because I woke up three hours later with just a dull ache. Then I went in to have the blood draw for my annual physical, and was scolded by a twenty-something tech for having taken a sip of diet soda when I should have been fasting.

Listen. Just because you wear a lab coat discarded by a Clinique saleslady doesn't give you authority. I woke up in crazy mad pain this morning and yes, I took a sip of diet cream soda with my oxycodone and that isn't going to hurt anyone. Just put that in the comments section of my paperwork, if the certificate you earned from your six-weeks of medical tech school will allow you to do that. Otherwise, STEP OFF, BITCH.

Yes, that's what I could have said. But I didn't, because I am a FUCKING PROFESSIONAL. instead, I just said through my teeth, Draw my blood, so that I can go have my Starbucks, and I will accept the consequences from my doctor.

I also had a bacon artesian sandwich. That'll teach her.

11. Sweet Baboo has been closing in on his high school weight. He now is at a weight he says he hasn't seen since tenth grade. That is amazing, that a human being can weigh 187 lbs in 10th grade. I think I weighed 105 in the 10th grade. Yes, we will have to buy him new pants soon, and I, I will have to run more to keep the 40 lbs gap between us that has always been there. I can't imagine not being lighter than Baboo. He's downright lanky these days for 6’1”, but still makes me feel tiny. That's very important.

I must feel tiny. It's all about me.

10. I have now purchased a cable modem, a phone, joined Hulu , now I'm working on getting a VOIT device for phone. I'm shopping LED bulbs too.

9. I am far, far too lazy to write a full race report on the Bataan. So here is a profile of the course. And no, it wasn't 25.8. It was a full 26.2 miles of hot, sandy mess. It was hot, too. 90 degrees hot. With an increasingly dry, hot wind. Every time I tried running I would start panting and feel sick. So, I spent a lot of the last seven miles speed-walking.

8. Oh, and sand. Did I mention the sand?

7. In my continuing quest to be cheap, er, to conserve energy, I have two guys coming this week to give me estimates. The first is for solar screens. Most of the screens around our house are pretty bedraggled anyway, and one was torn up when we were robbed in 2010, so I'm looking to get new ones woth a spcial fabric that blocks up to 80% of the sun's rays on the south end of the house. The other guy is giving us an estimate on sun-blocking roller blinds for our front room, which heats up quite a bit during the day due to solar gain.

6. Also, the Jonster has been digging up grass in the front yard to prerpare for a more appropriate landscape plan. Growing grass in the desert is just stupid, wasteful, and expensive. It takes a lot of water to keep that stuff alive. And, its boring. I have a fantasy of having a yard like this one, from a place called High Country Gardens: this garden is called the inferno strip.

5. Why am I doing all this? More money for race entry fees and running shoes, of course!

4. I had my annual physical today. Everythings good except that my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) is "off". So, the doc bumped up my meds again.

3. Doc also asked me "about" how many long distances I ran, say, last year. I stared at him.

I mean, a half marathon or longer, say.

I stared at him some more. Then I finally said, hold on, I'm trying to count. I finally gave up and said, maybe a dozen?

Blink. Blink. In a year?

He loves us. Both of us. His private practice is full of ill people with cellulitis and badly managed diabetes, and all the people who say they want to be healthier but...but...but...and the excuses start. and once a year or so, we come bounding in for our annual physicals.

2. New job, ironically, also wants to give me a physical. I have to spend three hours with them on Monday.

1. My doc d me if I smoked pot.

"i beg your pardon?" the topic of the moment was my asthma, and I thought I'd misunderstood him. I was reminded of Daniel Tosh and was tempted to say, "no, because I'm not in the 7th grade and I've got things to do." But instead, I said, "no, i could lose my license for a drug conviction, and basides, there's random drug screens in my profession. I shouldn't have even taken that Tylenol 3 last week." He said, good, because most people don't realize that it damages your lungs.

Uh. Well, thanks, doc. I'll keep that in mind before I take up a new habit.

 

 

I do Albuquerque.

Dear Diary,

13. When I was having trouble making my decision last week about the jobs, I played a game that I read about once; I "tried on" each decision. I realized that when I "tried on" staying at Old Job, i felt disappointment. That's when I knew my answer. And when I talked to the CEO and told her I think it's time I moved in another direction, I felt immediate relief. It's over. Life will be simpler now.

12. Sweet Baboo informed me that I am now protected against age descrimination. Everyone over 40 is. Have a nice day.

11. I have a new project: cheapness. I've decided to dump my cable and get a good antenna, as well as Netflix and Hulu Plus streaming. Then I'm going to pit Century Link against Comcast and see who wants to give me the best deal for high speed internet. I've been reading a guy named Howard Clark, who has a web site and a book. i've had to do lots of reading. It takes a lot of studying to be a cheapskate. So far, i have picked a Wineguard antenna, and a preamp. It will be routed throught the house using the existing cable.

10. It was kind of jarring to look down the admission list at New Job and see that one of the patients was born in 1990. Wait--1990? I work on the adult unit, and since when is someone born in 1990 an adult? Then I did the math, and well, hell. i guess they are.

9. The New Job made their formal offer this week, which I accepted, and they then launched into a whole slew of things I needed to do next. One of them was to get my shot records. Wait--my what? What am I, twelve? luckily, my doc can order a blood test that "proves" I've had an MMR and write a letter for me.

8. Phase one of the Cheap Project is complete: I bought a Winegard antenna on Ebay. I'm scoping a second one, which I'll mount and I want to see if I can join the wires and then just screw it into the house where the cable used to come in. I also run to see if I can run some of this through my attic instead of it being stapled under my eaves, which is ugly. But I don't know if the heat of the attic will affect the signal. I'll have to look that up.

7. Cats have no respect for ipads. Olkokdvdgtf frsxc

6. I love that at the end of Yoga class, there is a little nap. What's not to love about that?

5. I have already been scheduled in as the "#1 PRN". There are a couple of other PRN therapist/discharge planners, but they place heavy restrictions on when they're willing to work, and no administrator wants to piece together a patchwork of people when they can have one person working entire blocks of time. I will be working most of the time, essentially a floater altough I'll have a regular gig in one area. Mysteriously, I will be working less but earning more, which is what happens when you get to work for people who actually pay a competitive rate. I will be working part time at the children's hospital, for now, but my plan is to eventually fade away, hopefully by end of summer.

4. I turned in my Application for Degree Form, and will hopefully get my MSW by the end if August.

3. I feel much more useful. I have been paid the wages of a preschool teacher for the past few years, and I suppose that's the price I pay for changing careers, but it seems to be over now. I will have sushi. And Indian curry buffet. And a five mile commute. Wait--did I mention the five mile commute? I HAVE A FIVE MILE COMMUTE. And, there's a paved bike/running path between here and there.

2. Saturday was the annual Green Dress run, which is a free handicap run put on every year, practically in my back yard. This is about a 4 mile run where they have Bailey's shots at mile 2. I did not partake of the Bailey's. I have not found it to be a performance enhancer. I overheard another runner talking about that later, "I did better this year. I think it was because I skipped the Bailey's." Duh.

Green Dress Run Profile

This is the third year I've done this race, and I suspected I did it faster than last year, but I didn't. I ran it slower. Boo. Himself the Baboo ran it in like 32 minutes. Geez.

The annual green dress run bills itself as "drag racing in the hills" Because, you are supposed to wear a green dress, no matter who you are. With that in mind, the Outlaws decided to do it in style this year:

Yes, that's me in front.

Himself the Baboo opted out of the cheerleader thing, but did wear a green dress, and darn me for forgetting to photograph it.

I sidled up to Baboo in my cheerleading dress while he was talking to some folks and said, Hey, if you want, I can wear this later. There was an awkward pause (It's so cute that I can embarass him like that) and he said, "Um, this is my wife Misty."

 

1. Last but not least, at New Job I am booked through the end of July, with the delightful exception of Memorial Day weekend and the Tuesday and Friday before and after. SOOOO, the Baboo and I are cashing in some frequent flyer miles, and we're coming east, y'all. In fact, the northeast. We're going to do another marathon double that weekend. Can anyone guess which two marathons we're doing??

..

No more grad student wages.

Dear Diary,

13. ...Jim spun me around to face the mirror, and...ahhhhh. i was a blonde again. With a 'e'. As always, the haircut was just the right cut for my stubborn, cowlicked hair. I drove home singing along to my latest earworm, 'stereo hearts'. Later, when I got home, my youngest informed me that my hair looked, and I quote, "retarded.."

He told me, subsequently, that it looked like a teenagers hair, and later that it looked like Hilary Clinton's hair. I call bullshit.

"I'm just being honest, mom"

Well, thank goodness for honesty. Let me know how that works out, son.

12. The whole job thing. I know I go on and on about it, but have you ever fantasized about those words? 'what would it take to keep you here?' I asked for time to think. That was last Friday, so I'll need to give an answer by this Friday.

11. I turned 47 this week. I am now officially pushing 50. I can't believe it. That just seems insanely old. I get a small puff of panic, when I think about it, because of my mom, who died at 61. Time is running out, the little voice in my head says. I have to keep reminding myself, I'm healthy. She wasn't.

10. Himself the Baboo bought me some more Crueset cookware. My dream kitchen is taking form. All that remains (my plan for 2013) is granite countertops and an oven. And maybe an induction cooktop. And some way to pay for it.

9. I had a weird nightmare Friday night, probably discharging the last of the exam jitters. In my dream, I was running a marathon with a group of people, including Jesus. I overheard someone say that 'jesus must die' but I couldn't tell who, and then he disappeared from the group. I was running around trying to find out who the killer was. In the end, we found these unscored exam forms from the Minnesota Multi-phasic Inventory and Baboo scored them to try to find out who the killer was from their psychological profile, but everyone came out normal. Then we realized we didn't have one for Jesus, who we then realized was a zombie and a killer. He had a hatchet in his head and was grinning at us, and really tall.

And this, folks, is why assessment nerds should not eat before bedtime.

8. i am signed up for the Jemez 50k. Tis should be interesting, as it takes place in the area around Las Alamos that as on fire last year (yes, again.). Last year it took me nearly 12 hours. To put that in perspective, i've done a 50 miler in under 12 hours. It's a tough race. It's two weeks after the Shiprock marathon.

7. I have a large fuzzy robe. It's fantastic. It's so warm I can only wear it during the winter. I bought it at Costco.

Hanging out is a little difficult in The Robe because two of our cats, one of them the blind one, start purring and creeping up on me, kneeding and licking and looking for milk. It's quite--disturbing. They find a spot and exercise their oral fixation until the front of my robe has little slobbery spots on it. I suppose it's slightly more charming than a dog humping my leg, but still.

6. I don't care how hard it was for you to adjust to the time change. Considering my 10 hour days, I am just happy to be able to come home in the daylight.

5. I went running out again in the morning. Ah, the fantastic morning. I will tell you that most of the time in Albuquerque the mornings are fantastic. Crisp and cool. I can feel myself getting more fit and shaking off the winter. One of my favorite runs starts out about a mile straight up, rising about 300 feet or so. My goal is to be able to jog all of that climb. I've done it before, but it takes persistance. Then it levels out for a mile. The first two miles are on road, which is how I start out this run right before daybreak. At mile 2, it's a rolling trail run, ending with a downhill to my back gate. Then I'm all happy and stuff. Today, I did it two minutes faster than last week, in about 50 minutes. As soon as I can figure out why the hell my Garmin has stopped uploading, I'll post the profile.

4. When Sweet Baboo and the Jonster were digging up grass last month, they found a plastic Jesus buried in the flower bed. I find it odd that someone would do that. Maybe a dog buried it, or a kid?

3. And then there's yoga class, wherer I am becoming much, much more flexible. Yoga is fun, because you have these little unexpected moments when you're NOT in Yoga, like when you bend over to pick something up, or balance to reach up onto a shelf...and it's easy. You feel the progress you've made in strength and balance. It also reminds me somewhat of my childhood, when I was in gymnastics (which, to be honest, speaks more to my childhood in Alabama than it does any perceived grace I might have--it's practically a state law that all little girls are in gymnastics or ballet. I did both.) Its also the only time in my week when I'm not thinking, thinking, thinking.

2. Mostly, lately, I've been thinking about jobs, and the question from the CEO at Old Job. And, I think I've decided that I'm moving on. I am not going to make an offer at Old Job, but just explain to them that I have loved working there, but there are more opportunities at New Job. And the fantastic, 5 mile commute. I was interviewed yesterday, and told that I should get my offer from HR soon.

1. I walked up behind my youngest and said, "i want to try something." I jabbed my thumb into the back of his neck. "How's that feel?"

"it...kinda hurts..."

I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "that's nothing compared to the pain you're going to feel, emotionally, if you get into the habit of telling the women in you life that their hair looks 'retarded.'"

"mom! I have to be honest!"

"No. No, you don't. Never be honest. Not about this. Never.”

Thank goodness he has me.

 

I'm a big baby with a license, bitches.

Dear Diary,

13. Everyone I've talked to about the Bataan Death March marathon tells me that the 'sand pit' is No Big Deal. I'm not buying that shit. I have a firm rule that anything in a race course that merits a nickname is probably a Big Deal.

12. By this week, before I have even been interviewed for the New Job, the other therapists there were already telling me how they were going to divide up the work with me.

11. Guess what is between my home and the New Job? Your choices:.

• A) five miles of paved running trail.
  
• B) a branch of my bank
  
• C) a Starbucks
  
• D) an all-you-can eat China Super Buffet, an Indian curry buffet, a middle-eastern cafe, and a grocery that sells hard to find Indian spices (cheap)
• E) all of the above.
  

If you picked E, you win. Actually, I win. I am getting ever closer to having the life that guarentees most of the class of 1983 (whoever shows up at the thirty-year reunion) will hate my guts. Yay me.

10. I had TONS of cotton race T-shirts I never wear. I couldn't figure out what to do with them, until I found out that they were needed at New Job because of the indigent population we serve. I feel good about this, though I admit it's startling to see a homeless elderly man with schizophrenia wearing a Tshirt from an Olymic Distance Triathlon. Meanwhile, if you're in Albuquerque and approached by a panhandler wearing a half-iron distance triathlon T-shirt, he's not faking. Give him a quarter.

9. then next thing that happend was that I found out that Women in Training has been moved and will be held a couple miles away from New Job. This is a program I like to volunteer for that gets women ready for their first 5k. The 5k is a women's only race where you get a rose and a piece of chocolate at the end. It used to be fifteen miles away, near my old job. How convenient is that? It's a sign. Yesss. All signs point to the New Job.

8. Wednesday night I slept about 9 hours, skipped my run, then got Up Thursday and went to take the LPCC licensing exam--the National clincial Mental Health Counselor Exam. It was a bitch of a test. When it was over, they printed out the results. The result gave an analysis of each section which broke down each of the sections, all of which had to be passed. I ignored everthing on the page except for the small, block letters in the upper right hand corner:

P A S S

I cried like a big baby in my car for a while, but of course, I am a now big baby with an independent, clinical license, bitches. Then I dried my eyes, reapplied my makeup, got my car washed, and hit the best Super Buffet in town. Dreadpirate said, eat healthy. Uh, sure. Whatever.

Mysteriously or not so mysteriously, the crick in my neck, which has been there for a month, is gone.

AND I have decided that the scarf I was wearing is now my Lucky Scarf.

I have worried and fretted over this since August 2011. I am going to eat a huge candy bar. So there.

7. I talked to my Old Job boss, and told her about New Job. She swore a little, and the next day, said that the CEO wanted to talk to me, about seeing how they can keep me. It's worth a conversation, right? The thing is, they are about the lowest paying agency in town. They hemorrhage talent.

6. SOOOOO, Here's a side by side comparison of the two jobs:

New........................................................Old

They like me..............................................they like me too

They're nice to me......................................they'rer nice to me, too.

The work is interesting...............................the work is interesting.

They pay me.............................................they pay me 50% more.

25 minutes on I40 at breakneck speed.....residential streets for about 15 minutes..

Near a Walmart.........................................near Target, Trader Joes, and the best shopping center in town.

Near a starbucks with a drive through.......somewhat near a starbucks with no drive through

My coworkers are all twenty-somethings.....coworkers are my age with my taste in clothes, politics, and music.

 

5. Blind kitty is in heat, which is not only pathetic, but a little creepy and weird. I have little experience with this sort of thing, and I'm all, STOP STICKING YOUR BUTT UP AT ME!! And yes, we are going to get her fixed. Soon.

4. So, the conversation with the CEO ended like this: What would you want from us to keep you here full time? I asked her if I could think about it. So, I'm thinking about it. I have to take several things into account. I love the children's hospital, I do. I loved teaching, too, and I left that in 2008.

Sometimes, you have to say farewell. And move on.

I want to help people. There is no reason why I have to be poor to do it. I went to grad school for a reason. I've spent more than ten years in college and worked hard to hone a very specific skill set. If New Job recognizes that and is willing to provide me with good pay, then I'll take it. I have student loans, for goshs’ sake. Unsubsidized ones. The kind that no politicians seem to be in a hurry to forgive.

3. I'm going to do a long run this weekend, to see just how bad a shape I'm in and how much of a cluster fuck my marathon in two weeks is going to be.

2. I turn 47 next week. Fuck, I'm old. er. This is like, mocked by teenagers old. So, I'm going back to being a blonde. If I have to be older, I'm going to be an older blonde. With an 'e'.

1. But I'll be an older blonde with a license, bitches.

...

 

The mysterious, disappearing post.

Dear Diary,

I was asked today why I hadn't posted for a while, and well, I had. I just posted on Wednesday. I went to look, and it's just gone. No post. No record I ever posted. Shit. I had pictures and everything.

So I'll try again.

13. Couple stuff. Sweet Baboo is doing Yoga with me. YOGA! I'm totally stoked that we have some more time together and he loves an athletic challenge. WE go to the gym at least twice a week together to do it.

12. Internship. I am their new favorite puppy. They like me, want to keep me, and promise to feed me every day. A position request has been submitted for me to fill, although I've been told that I have to interview for it >wink, wink< It's a 20 hours position, so I would be dropping to half time at my old job at the children's hospital, where I'm the diagnnostician, but it will mean a substantial raise from what I was making. Plus, the place is 10 minutes away from where I live. Oh, and in between work and home there is a starbucks. Plus, I can continue to fulfill my internship hours while I'm working, and go back to working 5 days a week, instead of six. Booyah. TOLD you I was a good employee.

11. New Bosses. They also don't work me death with the whole, oh, just one more thing...and can you make this a priority? No, I wont't be doing diagnostics, which I feel I'm very good at, and love to do...but that's okay. I have a plan in the works to return to that this fall. Meanwhile, I will be working 20 hours a week at the place where I am, and the place where I am goiing.

10. Three-syllables crazy. I wrote earlier that I've discovered that there is crazy, and then there is Ku-Ray-Zee. So now when I describe someone who's acute, sometimes I say they are three-syllables. As in:

• I'm Misty, one of the therapists here. I was wondering if there anyone you would like us to contact while you here?
  
• "Oh, yes, I told everyone. My family, all my friends...The music industry...Elvis Presley, Tom Cruise..."
  
• Ah. Well, looks like you've got it covered then. Let me know if you think of anyone you forgot.
  
• She rustles her sheets, arranges them in a peculiar arrangement around each foot, muttering, "One person here... " she points, in turn, to one foot, and then the other, "and one person here." Then she looks up at me, eyes narrowed. "Do you understand the procedure?"
  
• I nod seriously, and point. One person here, one person there. Got it.
  
• She nods. Dismisses me with a wave of her hand. I leave.
  

Three syllables.

9. Eating. The last couple weeks my binge eating has gotten complletely out of control. I tend to do that when I feel like my life is out of control. I go across the street from work and get two servings of hotwings. Or I buy a huge bag of chips and eat the whole thing.

Binge eating makes me feel like I have control over something. But, it's not healthy. So, I'm trying a little experiment: a single serving of oatmeal every morning, and see if that helps tame the beast. I started this morning, and worked steadily until noon before I even thought of food. Then I ate my lunch, and went back to work.

8. I learned a new word at work this week: Priapism. Google it.

7. I went hiking with a friend last week. We went on this hike. The descent involved climbing carefully over large boulders perched on a hillside. How difficult, you ask? Two and a half hours to go 5 miles. It climbed up over 2000 feet in two miles.

If you want to be a string ultrarunner, you have to be a strong hiker. I am not a fast runner, but I have passed a lot of fit people while walking. And, I have been passed in turn by even better walkers and hikers that I know I could beat in a 5k sprint.

6. I hate FaceBook timeline. There. I said it. And now, I can't switch back. I'm stuck with it.

5. Today we finally had a decent over 40s temperature morning. I headed out before dawn and ran For an hour. I finished up in the hills on the trails. The gloriously empty hills. It felt good.

4. I had my first visit with a chiropractor. I was 'adjusted'. At one point he grabbed my head and snapped my neck. I was reminded of those scenes in spy movies where the assassin sneaks up behind a guy and snaps his neck and kills him. The chiropractor warned me about what he was going to do but it was still startling to hear that loud, crackk!! I am not convinced that it helped. We shall see.

3. In two weeks I am doing the Bataan Death March memorial marathon at White Sands missle range.

This is the course. Oh, and did I mention sand? Yeah, sand. yay.

2. In April I'll watch Sweet Baboo run Boston. I am so looking forward to that vacation. Booyah.

1. So things are good. I fell good. i'm back on the trails. I'm slower than shit, but it feels good to be back out there again.