Friday, March 16, 2012

No more grad student wages.

Dear Diary,

13. ...Jim spun me around to face the mirror, and...ahhhhh. i was a blonde again. With a 'e'. As always, the haircut was just the right cut for my stubborn, cowlicked hair. I drove home singing along to my latest earworm, 'stereo hearts'. Later, when I got home, my youngest informed me that my hair looked, and I quote, "retarded.."

He told me, subsequently, that it looked like a teenagers hair, and later that it looked like Hilary Clinton's hair. I call bullshit.

"I'm just being honest, mom"

Well, thank goodness for honesty. Let me know how that works out, son.

12. The whole job thing. I know I go on and on about it, but have you ever fantasized about those words? 'what would it take to keep you here?' I asked for time to think. That was last Friday, so I'll need to give an answer by this Friday.

11. I turned 47 this week. I am now officially pushing 50. I can't believe it. That just seems insanely old. I get a small puff of panic, when I think about it, because of my mom, who died at 61. Time is running out, the little voice in my head says. I have to keep reminding myself, I'm healthy. She wasn't.

10. Himself the Baboo bought me some more Crueset cookware. My dream kitchen is taking form. All that remains (my plan for 2013) is granite countertops and an oven. And maybe an induction cooktop. And some way to pay for it.

9. I had a weird nightmare Friday night, probably discharging the last of the exam jitters. In my dream, I was running a marathon with a group of people, including Jesus. I overheard someone say that 'jesus must die' but I couldn't tell who, and then he disappeared from the group. I was running around trying to find out who the killer was. In the end, we found these unscored exam forms from the Minnesota Multi-phasic Inventory and Baboo scored them to try to find out who the killer was from their psychological profile, but everyone came out normal. Then we realized we didn't have one for Jesus, who we then realized was a zombie and a killer. He had a hatchet in his head and was grinning at us, and really tall.

And this, folks, is why assessment nerds should not eat before bedtime.

8. i am signed up for the Jemez 50k. Tis should be interesting, as it takes place in the area around Las Alamos that as on fire last year (yes, again.). Last year it took me nearly 12 hours. To put that in perspective, i've done a 50 miler in under 12 hours. It's a tough race. It's two weeks after the Shiprock marathon.

7. I have a large fuzzy robe. It's fantastic. It's so warm I can only wear it during the winter. I bought it at Costco.

Hanging out is a little difficult in The Robe because two of our cats, one of them the blind one, start purring and creeping up on me, kneeding and licking and looking for milk. It's quite--disturbing. They find a spot and exercise their oral fixation until the front of my robe has little slobbery spots on it. I suppose it's slightly more charming than a dog humping my leg, but still.

6. I don't care how hard it was for you to adjust to the time change. Considering my 10 hour days, I am just happy to be able to come home in the daylight.

5. I went running out again in the morning. Ah, the fantastic morning. I will tell you that most of the time in Albuquerque the mornings are fantastic. Crisp and cool. I can feel myself getting more fit and shaking off the winter. One of my favorite runs starts out about a mile straight up, rising about 300 feet or so. My goal is to be able to jog all of that climb. I've done it before, but it takes persistance. Then it levels out for a mile. The first two miles are on road, which is how I start out this run right before daybreak. At mile 2, it's a rolling trail run, ending with a downhill to my back gate. Then I'm all happy and stuff. Today, I did it two minutes faster than last week, in about 50 minutes. As soon as I can figure out why the hell my Garmin has stopped uploading, I'll post the profile.

4. When Sweet Baboo and the Jonster were digging up grass last month, they found a plastic Jesus buried in the flower bed. I find it odd that someone would do that. Maybe a dog buried it, or a kid?

3. And then there's yoga class, wherer I am becoming much, much more flexible. Yoga is fun, because you have these little unexpected moments when you're NOT in Yoga, like when you bend over to pick something up, or balance to reach up onto a shelf...and it's easy. You feel the progress you've made in strength and balance. It also reminds me somewhat of my childhood, when I was in gymnastics (which, to be honest, speaks more to my childhood in Alabama than it does any perceived grace I might have--it's practically a state law that all little girls are in gymnastics or ballet. I did both.) Its also the only time in my week when I'm not thinking, thinking, thinking.

2. Mostly, lately, I've been thinking about jobs, and the question from the CEO at Old Job. And, I think I've decided that I'm moving on. I am not going to make an offer at Old Job, but just explain to them that I have loved working there, but there are more opportunities at New Job. And the fantastic, 5 mile commute. I was interviewed yesterday, and told that I should get my offer from HR soon.

1. I walked up behind my youngest and said, "i want to try something." I jabbed my thumb into the back of his neck. "How's that feel?"

"it...kinda hurts..."

I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "that's nothing compared to the pain you're going to feel, emotionally, if you get into the habit of telling the women in you life that their hair looks 'retarded.'"

"mom! I have to be honest!"

"No. No, you don't. Never be honest. Not about this. Never.”

Thank goodness he has me.



  1. I did my favorite run backwards (in direction, not running backwards- can you imagine!) for the first time this week, and backwards it is like YOUR favorite run. How bizarre.

    In my odd dream of the week, I shared several bottles of wine with Maggie Smith. Imaginary Maggie Smith is awesome.

    Also, I laughed so hard about number 1 that the cat left the room with a sullen look.

  2. I've heard of people burying St....somebody in their yard to sell a house, but not Jesus. Maybe some kid was playing Resurrection but got distracted halfway through.

    I heard the best quote about getting older today. It was in the movie The Guardian, something about having earned the aches and pains, blah blah. But it really was good and I'm thinking I'll need to look it up on IMDB and copy it down. I haven't quite hit my 40's yet (close), but I feel like I've earned every damn year. In a good way. My dad always said it beats the alternative.

  3. OK, since that was the lamest approximation of a quote ever, I went and looked it up:

    "Hell, I've always been old Ben. Ya' know what though, I don't mind. I mean if my muscles ache, it's because I've used 'em. It's hard for me to walk up them steps now, its 'cuz I walked up 'em every night to lay next to a man who loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've layed under thousands of skies with sunny days. I look and feel this way, well cuz I drank and I smoked. I lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way thorough a pretty damn good life if you ask me. Getting old ain't bad Ben. Getting old, that's earned."

    Probably sooo not what you're talking about up there, but I liked it and then your list made me think of it.

  4. #11 - I hear you. I'll turn 46 (!!) in a few months, and later this year it'll be 20 yrs since my mom died of metastatic breast cancer at age 62.

    #12 & #2 - Someone I worked with once told me that by the time someone has decided to look for another job, you've already lost them, even if you counter-offer and they stay for a while longer. Personally, I've found that "going back" generally doesn't seem to work out. Glad to see you're moving on, hope it's a great improvement!

    #6 - This year I tried something for the time change (which is usually brutal for me and blows the whole week following) and it seemed to help. Starting the Sunday prior, I moved my alarm 10 min earlier every day. (my clock starts increasing light 20 min before alarm, so by the end of the week, I was awake before 4am) I didn't necessarily get up at that time every day, just woke up, took meds, went back to sleep. It seemed to make the change less jarring in the AM and the weekday mornings slightly less nasty.

    #3 - I don't notice it as much outside of yoga, but I notice when it's easier for me to do a yoga routine than it used to be. Kinda cool.

    #1 - He has no idea how much of a favor you're doing him. My DH is sooo good that way - no matter what I do (or if he's even seen me post-hair-person yet) my hair looks "wonderful". :)


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