Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Attention, Holiday Inn Express:

It was all over the news not long ago that Dick Cheney has specific 'downtime requirements' that are faxed ahead to whatever hotel he's frequenting.
Now, I'm a long way away from people bowing and scraping to me for ANYTHING. In fact, most of the 8th-graders I teach probably call me BEEYOTCH behind my back. But, I can dream. Hmm. What would I demand, if I were inclined to make such demands?

My "Downtime Requirements":
  • One mini-fridge, stocked with salsa, guacamole, 1-four-pack of Jose Cuervo pre-made margaritas, 4 bottles of propel (melon flavored), and 2 boxes of vanilla soy milk.
  • Box of Special-K Berries, and Bag of tortilla chips.
  • Espresso maker and grinder
  • one quarter pound, per day, of decent Arabica coffee (NO DECAF)
  • DVD boxed set of "Quantum Leap" and "Seinfeld" episodes, and a player.
  • Paul Newman's organic orange dark chocolate.
  • Television with no less and no more than the following three preset channels: Comedy Central, History, and Sci-Fi.
  • 1 can of Pilsbury "creme cheese"-flavored frosting.
  • Forget about room temperature. Provide me with a remote control temperature changer thingy, for my hot flashes.
  • And a big-assed fan.
  • Last but not least:You call those tiny things bath towels? Bring this Athena some bath sheets!


  1. Hot pockets, Starbucks frappuccinos in a bottle, laptop, broadband, anime/sci fi, Bible, all I need.

  2. That was hilarious. I love Athenas. Of course, I'd have to ahev my wife. Then, I would have to have my bike shipped to every place I visit. Oh, and a pool too. Oh, and a asparagus and clementines. Oh, and a tri magazine. That should do.

  3. This was very funny! Love the picture too! Mind if I link to it and copy the idea?

  4. I found your blog through Nytro's. Love it! I'm an Athena too (so much so that, even though I've lost 40 so far, you could still split me and half and get 2 pudgy triathletes).
    I saw the Dick Cheney thing on The Daily Show (amen to your channels, btw). It would make a great tag - you should send it around!

  5. SciFi channel? A gal after my own heart :)


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