Tuesday

Attention, Holiday Inn Express:

It was all over the news not long ago that Dick Cheney has specific 'downtime requirements' that are faxed ahead to whatever hotel he's frequenting.
Now, I'm a long way away from people bowing and scraping to me for ANYTHING. In fact, most of the 8th-graders I teach probably call me BEEYOTCH behind my back. But, I can dream. Hmm. What would I demand, if I were inclined to make such demands?

My "Downtime Requirements":
  • One mini-fridge, stocked with salsa, guacamole, 1-four-pack of Jose Cuervo pre-made margaritas, 4 bottles of propel (melon flavored), and 2 boxes of vanilla soy milk.
  • Box of Special-K Berries, and Bag of tortilla chips.
  • Espresso maker and grinder
  • one quarter pound, per day, of decent Arabica coffee (NO DECAF)
  • DVD boxed set of "Quantum Leap" and "Seinfeld" episodes, and a player.
  • Paul Newman's organic orange dark chocolate.
  • Television with no less and no more than the following three preset channels: Comedy Central, History, and Sci-Fi.
  • 1 can of Pilsbury "creme cheese"-flavored frosting.
  • Forget about room temperature. Provide me with a remote control temperature changer thingy, for my hot flashes.
  • And a big-assed fan.
  • Last but not least:You call those tiny things bath towels? Bring this Athena some bath sheets!